Need advice please on telling DD about the dog being put to sleep :o(

[yorkshirelass79]

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i think she will be overwhelmed, but i also think she'll be upset if she isn't given the chance to say goodbye. that's how i felt when my first dog was put down (also poppy! - a labrador) and i was told about it after the fact.

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agree with your initial instinct of honesty. our family dog died when i had a important exam at school age10y. i remember feeling the vibes from my mum that something was wrong and was pretty freaked out. do you think your dd'll pick up from your and dh's emotions??
good luck whatever you choose, hope it's as smooth as it can be.
xxx

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We had to get our much loved dog put down a few weeks ago, she was 15. We told the Dss, as she had been part of their life and DH and i were so upset- still are to a degree!
Go with your own gut instinct, if shes very perceptive, then she may get more upset if she thinks you are keeping something from her!
Whatever you decide its not going to be easy for an of you

perhaps bear in mind that if she's sensing something is wrong but doesn't know what, she may be imagining all sorts in her little mind.
also she may just surprise you and not be as upset as you expect?

Our 18yr old cat was put down earlier this year. Dd (7) knew she was ill. I told her we were taking cat to the vet and that she might not come home. I explained very carefully that sometimes animals get so old and ill that their lives are painful, tiring and not very happy. When dd went to school in the morning I warned her teacher (a wonderful woman). Vet did recommend cat death and we had it done immediately. Picked dd up from school and told her immediately what had happened. DD burst into tears but got big hug from best friend. We talked about the cat quite a lot over the next few days, remembering nice things, funny things about her etc. DD had a few good cries with me and with dh. It wasn't anything like as bad as I thought it might be. dd still talks about cat (7m later) but in sensible way, not over-emotional or maudlin. Death is a hard thing to understand, but I think you should be truthful, give a chance to say goodbye, don't over-react to tears - they're natural and right. Let your dd cry, be sympathetic but not sentimental. Children can be distracted very easily and an exciting thing like a wedding soon after is unlikely to be marred too much for a child, as it could be for an adult.

If it was my kids I would tell them on friday night.

I think knowing in advance is agony sometimes. You can get guilt from feeling you ought to have stopped it etc.

When our very ancient and adored cat was put to sleep I told the kids that he had died whilst we were in the vets. Which was true but obviously not the whole thruth.

Ds was 10 and he was very upset. He cried at night every now and then for over a year, but he was fine in the day .

Feel very sorry for you

What age is your DD? I'd tell her. It is hard feeling that something has happened behind your back. I'd be inclined to do as cassoulet suggests (great post) and put it to her that the vet will see what he/she can do. You could always tell her later in the day that the vet has given her medicine but that she is very sleepy all the time. Then, later, once the wedding has passed and at your choice of time you could tell her that the dog passed away naturally, in her sleep. She will undoubtedly be extremely upset but she will find comfort feeling that the dog was comfortable, warm, with a cosy blanket. This is kind of a life lesson for her so she needs to feel that although its very sad, its best for Poppy and if she sees you coping in a strong way she will learn her behaviour from that. I was 21 when my mums cat had to be put down (with us since I was 2.5) and I still well up about it! We have a lovely stone in the garden for her.

not sure if this hgas been said but do not use the words put to sleep, it can really scare children, and you can end up with a child who wont sleep.

That said our dog had to be put down last year just before dd1 turned 3 we were honest with her, we all went to say goodbye at the vets and then explained to dd that she was very old and going to heaven to be with Daddy's dog from when he was little.

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Had to do this 18 months ago, when we had to have our much-loved dog put down. Our dds were much younger (4.5 and 2.5 at the time) but I think I'd probably have done it the same way even if they were a bit older. We didn't tell them in advance, although they knew that the dog was very old and not very well. I don't think that they'd really have understood the concept of us making the decision that we wanted the dog to die (... not that we did of course, but I think that's how it would have looked to them). We told them that evening that we'd taken the dog to the vet's because he was poorly and that sadly he had died. I think an 8-y-o would probably be better able to understand the concept of euthanasia (the idea of sparing him further suffering, I mean) whereas I thought that mine were too young at that stage and I feared that they would conceive of it as us and/or the vet 'killing' the dog. They were upset, of course, but they did 'bounce back' quite quickly (again, an 8-y-o might take longer as she's probably less easily distractable). They still talk about the dog a lot and it has made them quite accepting of the idea of death (they know that everyone and all animals have to die sometime and death is not a taboo subject). However you decide to approach it, good luck. And I hope that the wedding helps to take your minds off it somewhat.

Hope today is ok for all. Let us know how you get on, good luck.

Yorkshirelass, I hope it goes ok for you, and I don't think there's a right or a wrong way. My BIL dog was run over, and we waited until DS school holidays to tell him. I knew he would be upset, but was really suprised at the depth of his emotion. We chose a photo that DS really loved of the dog, and he picked out a frame for it. He also made a card and sent it to his aunt and uncle, telling them about how he felt . 2 years on, he's still got the photo of the dog in his bedroom, but can still cry just talking about the dog, so don't know if we handle it well. You've just got to go with the best way you think.

Yorkshirelass, how did it go?

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Well that sounds like you handled it brilliantly and your dd too! Dreams of beach runs and Chum for Poppy.

Well done, you.