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Original poster

Should a new partners income be taken into account when deciding maintenance,

48 replies

twinsetandpearls · 02/09/2006 00:41

Just had another disagreement with my ex who is still refusing to pay maintenance for dd, and this time beacuse he does not see why he should have to pay for dd when my dp "has dd all the time and plays daddy so he may as well pay for her."
I feel for my ex as he has lost his job and has a much lower paid one and also has a baby on the way and his new partner is out of work. My Dp and I do have more money coming in than them but it has not always been like that and only because we are both working and my ex is on such a low wage. I understand it must be stressful with a baby on the way, but I can't help feeling that if money was that short they should ahve waited - why have another child if you can't support the first? But that is a side issue am I being unfair by expecting my ex to pay maintence for his duaghter when I am loving with a new partner and have a higher ( but very average) household income.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:05

If I did not have my daughter I could liver in a one bedroomed house anywhere I wanted, because I have dd I have bought a larger house in the catchment area of a good school - so I feel no guilt about maintenance going towards the mortgage - although it doesn't as dp pays it. If I did nothave dd I would also work full time, which I don't so I can look after dd, another reason why I would feel no guilt about maintenance going towards bills. Being at home with dd also puts up our household bills as do the lights in her bedroom , the electric for her stereo, tv .. I could go on. Children cost more than clothes and toys.

I don;t mind being disagreed with, If I did I wouldn't post on here as I am, usually in the minority and people are always too willing to tell me what a self centres spoilt pompous madam I am.

I am also not pretending that I am poor, I knwo I am not but I work part time and earn £600 a month and dp wages cover our bills so I am not rolling in it either. I do not think I am wrong asking or even expecting my ex to support his dd.

Of course I am not entitled to tell my ex not to have more children but I am entitled to an opinion especially when his decisions potentially affect my dd and our finances.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:07

I was told they woudl reduce it by 15% which is all academic as I recive nothing. I have had a letter this week saying that he shoudl be paying £85 a week but he has already contested that as he wants money taken off for the fact he has to travel to see dd, even though he never visits her and he chose to leave a job and a home to move to London so he could continue his party lifestyle. I wouldn't mind subsidising is travel here if 1 he turned up and 2nd he had to move for financial or job reasons and not because he wanted more party action!

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:09

I feel sorry for some men but believe me this man deserves none, me and dd spent a year living in hostels and on the streets while he lived life to the full in his knightsbridge townhouse. He is not getting my pity now becuase his family have stopped funding his lavish lifestyle and he now has to start paying his own bills.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:13

My ex also lives with his girlfriends parents as they cannot afford to buy or rent anywhere, but thgen again neither could we if we lived in London which is why we don't. He had a perfectly good home that he chose to leave to pursue his lifestyle choices so I refuse to take that into account and offer him any pity.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:14

I am now going to use my pent up anger and frustration to get me through plucking my eyebrows!

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SherlockLGJ · 03/09/2006 15:14

TSAP

Stop explaining yourself. The man is a waste of space.

I am TBH delighted that he has been given a reality check and to quite honest, I guffawed when you posted that his family had pulled the financial plug.

I know it will make your argument harder, but I am sorry I can not stop smirking.

He obviously never heard the saying below.

Be very careful who you step on, on the way up, you never know who you might need on the way down.

tortoise · 03/09/2006 15:15

I think you are right to expect him to pay for his child.Regardless of your income/lifestyle.
Its his child too,why should he get away from paying towards her upbringing.

Tinkerbel5 · 03/09/2006 15:24

twinset I do know how hard it is myself, I spent the first couple of years after splitting with my ex feeling hatred cause he just carried on with life doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted.

I always find if a guy is a loser, he will always be a loser no matter what, and whether there are children involved or not.

Even when you think that you have got somewhere with them and maintenace is established, a lot of them will jack their jobs in and end up paying peanuts cause they truly think that they are better off living on £57 per week

spook · 03/09/2006 15:24

Hi tsap. My ex has a duty to pay towards both our sons upbringing until they reach 18. My maintenance is a different matter but the two were decided seperately in the courts.
His child=half his responsibility.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:35

Be very careful who you step on, on the way up, you never know who you might need on the way down

the same thought has crossed my mind. I have had the odd smirk although I have been remarkably controlled when talking to him, when we were divorcing he hired top lawyers to tear me to shreds and even had detectives following me to try and prove I was an unfit mother. He used to ridicule me for being broke and homeless and always had the upper hand as he had the financial power. I d=find it ironic that he tried to pursue custody of dd because my poverty made me an unfit mother and yet he now is so broke he can't afford £5 a week for dd and thinks he can ahve another child as well.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:36

I don't get maintenance for myslef, I don't want a penny from him for myself which is why I walked away with nothing.

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SherlockLGJ · 03/09/2006 15:37

Like I said, I don't know the guy, but I do "know" you and waht he put you through, and I am sorry I know it is unchristian, but I am still smirking.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 15:43

I find it more christian to smile warmly while thinking God moves in mysterious ways

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jac34 · 03/09/2006 16:04

Your exH should pay towards the upkeep of his daughter,and he should want to do it for her.
My DH used to pay qiute alot of money to his ex for his DD,but she decided it wasn't enough and went to the CSA.They decided he had a nill assesment and did not have to pay anything.However,he still wanted to,so his ex set up an account in DDs name,which he set up a standing order to.This was some years ago and DD is now 12yo and can get at the money herself,to spend on whatever she needs.We also have an account in her name in the same building society as our boys and we pay an equal amount into each of their accounts each month.We don't really touch this money,but we did take some money out of them this year,as pocket money,when we took all of them on holiday.

edam · 03/09/2006 16:23

I disagree strongly with the poster who said chlid support isn't for housing and utilities. What an odd idea. Parents have to provide a home for their children, with running water and electricity - that's what child support is for. As well as food, clothes, etc. etc. Child support isn't just some extra that wonderfully lovely men shell out so kids can have a few treats, for heaven's sake!

Tinkerbel5 · 03/09/2006 16:43

edam you dont need to get stressed I agree with twinset and her predicament.

I also believe it should be 50/50 in providing for a child, its not just down to an ex's child support to pay 100% for the child.

Whether people have kids or not mortgage/rent/food and utility bills have to be paid anyway.

I get jack shit from my ex so the running of the household is my responsibility, if I am lucky enough to eventually get maintenance then that money will go towards clothing, shoes etc etc for DD

you dont need to teach you're granny to suck eggs cause im the same boat !!!!

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 20:13

I think edam was disgreeing with you when you said that maintenance should not be used for household utility bills or mortgage.

I think that your example of a mother receiving maintencance being someone who palms he kids of and pisses the money up the wall may also ahve riled her as well.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 03/09/2006 20:18

yes it should be fifty percnet, and that fifty percent should stand regardless of how many other children he has.

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edam · 03/09/2006 20:34

Twinset is right, I was objecting to the idea that child support isn't for housing.

I'm coming at this from the angle of the child of divorced parents - my father was well-off but used every trick in the book to wriggle out of paying the pathetic amount the court had awarded us, his daughters. So I resent absent parents who refuse to support their children.

Tinkerbel5 · 04/09/2006 19:25

absent parents who dont pay child support anger me, but then I know fathers who look after their children and they never want for anything.

maintenace for my DD would be very nice at the moment, especially when I forked out £35 today for a pair of school shoes.

I have learned over the last couple of years not to sit and think about the bad times with my ex cause I used to get my stomach in such a not with anger, now I just pull my daughter onto my lap and give her the biggest kiss and cuddle instead.

arfishymeau · 05/09/2006 00:04

DP's ex-wife tried to get my earnings from me. I went ballistic. She got everything else, the house, car - everything. The part of equity on the house that DP got went on his legal fees as she repeatedly took him to court (on legal aid) instead of doing mediation, or even talking.

I refused point blank to declare my income on the basis that they had split before DP and I met and that we weren't even married. As far as I was concerned I and especially my income had nothing to do with her.

muma3 · 05/09/2006 00:18

i let my exp get away from paying for his daughter for 7 years . it wasnt until he had another child that i decded enough was enough. he had a drink problema dn found money for that and id be damned if i was going to let him support his new p and child when he had 1 dd that he couldnt support. no way !! he has started paying for her now. i do agree that the maintenance should be spent on anything that helps look after the child ie: bills / food/ toys / new school uniforms etc. whatever is needed to help look after the child the all fathers should provide . i am also against new dp having to provide for children that arent theres no matter how willing they are it isnt there child , they do have a father and them fathers 9or so called ) have a responsibilty to provide a bit of finacial support.

god this gets my back up

nappyaddict · 05/09/2006 01:11

no not at all. its the principle. even if he can only afford to pay £1 a week or something you should still take it cos he needs to learn he is responsible for your child.

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