How to approach 'night owl' niece issue when ILs come to stay

[Gobbledigook]

Right, SIL, BIL and 2 dds (almost 5 and 6 months) are coming to stay for the weekend soon. Quite looking forward to this except they let 4 yr old dd go to bed when she pleases. Now, this is not how it works in my house - 7pm comes and mine are ushered up to get ready for bed and by 7.30 they are in bed. I like a nice adult meal, a chill out with a glass of wine and NO CHILDREN!!!

Last time they came, they asked her if she wanted to go to bed when mine were going (WTF?) - of course she said 'no' and then hovvered around the dining table (I had other guests too as it was the night before ds's christening) picking at the garlic bread etc. I was most f*cking put out but didn't say anything (yes, me, didn't say anything ).

Now what do I do? Is it reasonable to stick my beak in when she protests about bedtime and say 'er, 7pm is bedtime in my house' or what?!

Yes most definately stick your beak in, I think i would probably extend my childrens bedtime say to eight and make it very obvious that this is an extension and after that everyone goes to bed .

also because you have more kids you have to be structured, they should out of politeness understand this, does she sleep in with your kids?

I would talk to them before they come and say "In order to maintain the bedtime routine here I would like Dn to 'read' quietly in her room"

& see what happens

what are the parents like? are they likely to be offended or pleased that they have the evening without her?

personally i would make her join in the routine of bath and bedtime as it wouldn't be fair on my own kids otherwose (and they would be likely to whinge about staying up as they knew she was)

tell her that whilst in your house its your rules and 8pm is bedtime. anyone up after 8 gets fed to next doors dog lol

I think she probably will sleep in with my older two. Or she might end up in with her mum and dad, I don't know. We've all just been on holiday together so it's not like she doesn't know us!

Hmmm, nice idea about the reading but the thing is, they don't argue with her - if she goes sulky and clingy they just let it go. It's really f*cking annoying because I don't take that sort of stuff from mine. Not when Ive had them alld ay and I want some peace!

Might be worth warning the parents before hand.Last thing you want is to say it's bed time and then the parents saying they can stay up,and then arguements start

My SIL/BIL let there kids stay uplate. They get whiney and tired and it spoils the evening for the rest of us.Does my head in. Ds is in bed by 7pm

They are quite easily offended I think. Shit.

Clap hands briskly and say'Right,children upstairs!'
Do you do a bath/shower and story routine.
Get her to be part of it.

Im with you on child free evenings.
Bugger it,they have me to themselves all day.

The annoying thing is, last time they were all 'oh well it's a strange house yada yada' but it's the same when we go to theirs. Mine go to bed at 7-7.30 at her house and she stays up! Madness!

On holiday she was up watching Bad Girls - mine had been asleep fora bout 2 hours! we were in separate cottages but close by and I popped over a coupleof times after 9.30 and she was up watching the tele.

MD, yes we do - we have a general routine for the day really and she has none. They are just sooooo different from me and I really struggle with it, especially at our house. I need their back up when dealing with dn alongside my children but I just don't get it - they let her do whatever and it will ruin the weekend.

Anyway, just wondering whether people thought I was unreasonable to say what I think iyswim.

are you the "firm" aunty?
that might work

I would tell you SIL etc htat you want to spend adult time with her & bro and so can they encourage their child(ren) to go to bed same time as your lot

how about the kids all stay upstairs even if not asleep? might be fun for your kids & comprise for her kids

I agree though - sooooo need adult time that mine are always in bed by 7:30 latest

agree (as always) with Moondog

By the by,how was your holiday?
Saw your link-looked lovely.

How was the Rick Stein meal?
What did you eat??

Rick Stein meal lovely - Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were dining a couple of tables down!

I had a fillet steak salad to start with (erm, but couldn't eat it because the steak was really rare, well raw. I know, I'm a philistine). Had cod and chips which was gorgeous and a lovely lemon cheesecake. Also had some lovely, expensive, Pinot - yumtastic.

It was lovely to go out actually.

Holiday was brilliant - the boys loved it - paddling, swimming etc. Such a good move to have separate cottages otherwise I really would have hated it. HOW can you let your 4yr old dd sit up and watch Bad Girls (well, how can they watch bloody Bad Girls come to think of it?!)

ahh thats poo, I would struggle with it but probably remain firm, particular if she is in with your kids its just not fair on them. thats the thing about having more kids you need that structure and routine and they just probably don't appreciate it. Be firm, the adults may even come round to your way of doing things

Ah, this'd be the other thread you started because I was chuntering about similar?

I've had this when holidaying (never again) with the friends I mentioned on my thread. Being too chicken to actually say anything, dh & I went for strenuously encouraging vigorous days out which exhausted EVERYONE, so slack alice mates would be keen to get their horrors to bed along with ours, & horrors would be happy to go...

It worked I think 3 nights out of 7. On the plus side, dh & I both lost weight...

I think you probably need to grin & bear it if you've already invited them, but say another time that she needs to fit in (after you've all survived the inevitable weekend of her being a PITA).