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Original poster

Should I stick my beak in? family issue....

23 replies

Frizbe · 28/08/2006 17:17

Ok possible family problem here, and I need to know if I should stick my beak in?

Bare with this I'll try and explain it quickly...

Have found out today that my uncle is very ill on the point of popping his clogs, we've only just found this out as he/his wife (odd fruit) been ignoring half the family for the last few years, due to ? no one knows, as they've not been talking to anyone, bar their own kids, who have no clue about the not talking, and the trouble is they also appear to have no clue as to the how ill their dad is, as they're spotted about the country and their mum is not telling them.....I find this a particular problem as my female cousin is due to give birth in 3 weeks....and her dad may not last this long.....I personally would want to know, but would you? what shall I do? stick my beak in and fear the wrath of auntie whom I hardly see anyway or risk my cousin loosing her dad/new babies grandad, and her falling out with me/the rest of family because we knew and she didn't.....
Thanks for reading.....

OP posts:

tillykins · 28/08/2006 17:24

stick your beak in - tell your cousin what you know, and how you know it, then give her the chance to make her own decision
Perhaps given the fact that she is so pregnant, you could talk to her partner rather than her, let him decide how to tell her, if at all

makemineadouble · 28/08/2006 17:37

just tell her the facts not what to do with them thats up to her
i would want to know even if just to decide to do nothing!

you cant be blamed for passing on news that hes ill only if you stsrt preaching reconcilliation thats up to them
but... if he dies and you did nothing! how would that feel? you should do what you can sleep with
good luck...

juuule · 28/08/2006 17:45

Speak to your aunty and explain how you feel. Ask her whether it would be okay to pass on the news.

Sunnysideup · 28/08/2006 18:45

you say they don't appear to know - perhaps they do? Have you asked them, maybe they know more than you think they do!

I'd really establish WHAT they know first, before you go anywhere NEAR this yourself.....could be soooooo dodgy either way, couldn't it. Don't envy you this!

SecurMummy · 28/08/2006 19:05

TBH, I would have to say that it is better to know twice than not know at all. Mind you I wouldn't like to break the news to a heavily pg woman! Could you tell one of the children's partners and let them decide how to handle it - perhaps they could talk to the aunt and ry to understand her POV on it?

I know from family experience that, no matter how terrible things have been in the past people do not react well to being given no chance to say goodbye and lay things to rest properly.

Having said that could it be that Uncle does notwant his children to know - this is a fairly common reaction I understand?

Good luck, this is a tough one.

Original poster

Frizbe · 28/08/2006 21:49

Thanks for your views all, I'm going to talk it over again with my mum and a few other family members tomorrow, as I really think she needs to know too....I wish we could talk it over with my auntie, but she's not the talking kind.....hence we only found this out the other day when a random cousin popped by and she couldn't exactly stop him seeing my uncle through the door once she'd answered it......

OP posts:

UrsulatheSeawitch · 28/08/2006 22:18

Oh god, I have barking relations too.

Aunt 2 stopped talking to Aunt 1 years ago (my mother was eldest but died in 1973) although they live 20 miles apart and would occasionally be in same shop (aunt 2 would duck behind counter and run away)

Aunt 2's DH died a few years back and I was specifically instructed not to tell Aunt 1 that he had - eventually Aunt 1's daughter (my cousin, same age as me) asked if I knew how they were so then I had to tell her he'd died.

Aunt 2's daughter (another cousin, 4 years younger) would have liked to be mates but her mother wouldn't have it. Aunt 2 has just died, and her daughter seems to be trying to mend fences now. IMHO regardless of babies etc, you have to honour requirements of the older generation, regardless of how loony they seem.

I can see that this situation is slightly different as it is the loony one's own grandchild about to arrive but, you know...good luck though

Original poster

Frizbe · 01/09/2006 18:02

Just to update this thread things have taken a turn for the worse......
Uncle is taken into hospital on Wed not expected to last long, family thankfully decided to tell daughter, who legs it up here.....yesterday evening her waters break (stress at a guess?) all the family were sent for this am.....but he's hanging on so far wants to see his dd's 1st child.....dd in the meantime was given an epidual this am, after two failed attempts at induction so far.....we're currently awaiting news

OP posts:

fattiemumma · 01/09/2006 18:06

i fell out with my family (over my X) and didnt' speak to anyone for 2 years.
during that time my grandfather died.

i found out in the middle of a highstreet becasuei happened to bump into my aunt and uncle on their way to the funeral directors to arrnge things.

I was devestated. i had alwyas been very close to my grandad (i lived with him for much of my late teens) and nothaving the chance to say good bye will haunt me forever

Tell your cousin what you know. she has the right to see her father before he is too ill.

fattiemumma · 01/09/2006 18:07

sorry, hadn't read the thread.

I am glad everyone knows.

I have everything crossed that your uncle is string enough to see his first grandchild. it will mean a lot for all those concerned.

Original poster

Frizbe · 01/09/2006 19:09

haha, can you believe the hospital have said they won't let said grandchild (she's still in labour BTW, epidual at 6am today, poor love) onto his ward when it appears, as he's too ill, no shit sherlock, I've told my mother to get her brothers and his wife and wheel his bloody bed off the damn ward, so he can see the baby before he dies and

OP posts:

nikkie · 01/09/2006 20:39

at hosp, I know they have rules re infection control etc (before anyone jumps on me!)but in situations like this flexibility is needed.

Re family fall outs
My Grandad lives next door to his brother (shared drive too!) and hasn't spoken to him (or his wife)for 3 years!

Astrophe · 02/09/2006 12:11

aw Friz, sorry you are in the middle of all of this...my dh's side of the family is also a bit mad, if it helps to know you're not alone in this. It is so hard to do the right thing by everyone - sometimes impossible.

keep us posted, hope uncle gets to see the little one soon. ((hugs)))

fattiemumma · 02/09/2006 12:15

I am sure that the hospital policy is that no children but considering the situation i am sure there could be a way round it.

maybe they could put your uncle in a seperate room so that there is no risk to other patients?

Without sounding morbid, if it doesn't look very good for him surely it can't do much worse by allwing him to see his grandchild.
If all else fails tell them that in order to prevent your cousin taking her child into him they wil need security as there is no way you will allow the grandfather and grandchild in teh same hospital and not allow them to see each other!

i am sure the nurses will back down eventually.

Original poster

Frizbe · 02/09/2006 17:11

Argh its got worse fattiemumma.....poor cousin is in pieces, baby has water on brain, is in SCBU, maybe moved into another hospital tomorrow or monday.......seen uncle also, he's stable, but obviously they're not mentioning how poorly baby is.......it never rains....

OP posts:

nikkie · 02/09/2006 18:59

CarlyP · 02/09/2006 19:32

just seen this thread. how awful. wishing you all well

fattiemumma · 02/09/2006 21:43

Oh hun i am so sorry

I cannot imagine what your poor cousin must be going through right now.

Thinking of yo and your family
XX

Original poster

Frizbe · 03/09/2006 19:50

Better news today girls, so thought I'd update you
Uncle on the mend for now...stable anyway... has been moved to another ward
Cousin feeling better and has head around it all a bit more now, although is starting to question her 41 hr labour that ended in botched forceps and emergency c-sect and vpoorly son.....
Still waiting to find out if son needs further operation, tomorrow is the deciding day, so will keep you all updated and thanks very much for thinking of our family.

OP posts:

CarlyP · 05/09/2006 14:18

GLAD THINGS ARE LOOKING UP

Original poster

Frizbe · 05/09/2006 14:20

Just to update you all in case any of you were still looking, Uncle has died this morning, poor cousin was the only one there, as her baby is in SCBU and she was the only one to reach him in time

OP posts:

anniediv · 05/09/2006 14:24

Very sorry to hear how this ended

CarlyP · 05/09/2006 15:22

OH NO, I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT. FINGERS CROSSED BABY IS OK.

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