If I imagine Mumsnet to be a real place this is what it would be like:
Imagine a big open plan pub like complex. I walk in (ie I log on) and I hear thousands of female voices and some male voices.
At the end of a huge room is a bar running along the whole back wall. In the room are loads and loads of cubicles in which are comfy sofas and coffee tables. As I walk through, I look left and right, smiling and waving at people who I know and sometimes someone pops up with a smile and says, "Alright Ghosty?"
In one cubicle (with a sign 'conception' over the top) there is a group of women earnestly discussing conception techniques, comparing thermometers, pouring over charts and books and catalogues selling ovulation predictors. There may be a lady sitting crying with another handing her tissues and patting her shoulder as her IVF attempt has failed.
Another cubicle has a bunch of women in various stages of pregnancy all discussing aches and pains, gently rubbing their tummies, all looking blooming - they say hello sympathetically to another who hobbles in on crutches muttering, "f**ing SPD - am never having any more children"
I hear some aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhs from the next cubicle and I peer in - a newborn baby is being passed around and loads of mumsnetters are popping in to say congratulations to the happy, but knackered looking mum. In the corner is SenoraPostrophe breathing and panting, saying "And there's another one!"
Another cubicle - here some women are holding up cloth nappies, talking earnestly to some who are looking longingly at the pile of disposables in the corner, but nodding sagely to the cloth nappy promoters. This cubicle is like a laundrette - there are several women washing mountains of toddlers clothes, wondering why this potty training is such a nightmare.
I hear a cackle of mirth from the next cubicle - here there are about 6 women, all looking knackered, with large glasses of wine in front of them - they are talking about the conquests of their children who have special needs and cackling away at some dry comment one of them has said that would others not in their position. My mate Jimjams is there ... she waves at me with a big smile and then turns back to work out how her DS won't kill himself by jumping over the back fence.
As I keep walking through the great Hall of Mumsnet I pick up on more conversations: One mumsnetter stands up and says something completely unintelligable to the others (they are talking about clothes and fashion) and they all laugh and nod - I have no idea what she said but they all love her obviously - she also darts over to the potty training lot every so often and gives a bit of advice then looks in on other groups where she is greeted with affection.
One group is discussing nannies and Uwila comes in to tell them what they need to do to get the nanny they want.
There are some groups where there are many tears going round, lots of group hugs and loads of tissues being handed around ...
Over there, there seems to be a fight in progress - a group of mumsnetters are discussing breastfeeding/bottle feeding ... some are shouting, some are crying .... some aren't saying anything but look very comfy with bowls of popcorn being shared among them .... in the corner of that group a lady with a young baby is asking tiktok if the latch is right .... and tiktok is handing out numbers of bfing counsellors.
By the bar is a bunch of women, pissed - laughing, inviting people over to join them - shouting remarks to a bunch of blokes at one end who are surreptitiously looking over a porn mag but who, at the same time are asking advice on how to propose romantically, how to help their wives when the baby comes, how they can support their wives with breastfeeding etc.
Mingling around all these cubicles are people who are watching, listening, not contributing but getting much out of it all - some are too shy to take part, some don't feel they know people well enough to go right in and sit down and join in. Some, like me just move around taking in the atmosphere, contributing to some conversations, listening to others, chuckling at some, ducking when a full baby's bottle comes flying out of a feeding discussion/fight ...
Obviously the list goes on .... but this is how I see mumsnet if it were a real place ....
Feel free to add
Oh, and out the back is a group discussing nothing in particular - but there is something suspiciously like the charred remains of something rather small and book like on the floor - and they are laughing. A lot ...