Why is she so bloody difficult??! Bit long winded - sorry!

[possumhead]

My best friend (or so i thought) is getting married in a couple of weeks time and i am her bridesmaid. Originally she wanted a small hen do with some pampering and a meal out - which i was happy to organise.
Then the whole thing changed and she wanted a weekend away. When we were originally discussing this i was heavily pregnant with dd, then dd was born and i obviously had other things to keep me busy rather than her hen-do , but as dd was born in jan and her wed is sept, there was plenty of time!
But no, she wanted it all planned and booked, so she asked a friend from work to plan it. Fine with me, so thats what happened. However i then put a spanner in her plans by saying i would only go for one night as still breast-feeding dd and wasn't happy to leave 6 month old for longer than 24hrs (that was hard anyway , but she was with daddy). She got mardy about it, but calmed down and all was well.
Then she decided to have a hen-night at home as well, which another close friend from work was organising as she couldn't come away and then all her work mates could come out too. I told her i would come for meal, but not clubing as not back to work yet and money tight - she didn't say much to that.
Anyway, that was last night.... I drove and picked another friend up. The hen didn't really seem to care that we were there, but meal was nice and all going well. But other friend felt really faint and ill after meal, so as i had driven her and wasn't intending to go clubing i said i'd take her home, which i did! When i told friend (hen) she didn't seem too impressed but heh she had loads of other friends out.
I text hen this morning to say hope she had good time and meal was lovely etc, if need anything done b4 wedding to let me know.
Got text back saying she had a lovely time and that friend from work had organised a fab hen-night and is now going to go to final dress fitting with her so i don't need to bother and also the other thing i was organising for favours she will get herself!
Why does she have to make me feel so bad, when i don't think i've done anything wrong? , i went to both hen nights and to top it all off dd is teething at mo and not sleeping great.
Shall i text back or just leave her to calm down or ring her? Gonna have to speak soon as i'm her bridesmaid in two weeks! What does it matter as long as she had good time?
Sorry so long had to get it off my chest.

Just text back that it's great all those things are being organised (if she told you that to upset you, don't let her see that it did) and that you'll see her at the wedding.

She's clearly a bit uptight at the moment and, if you respond in any sort of negative way, it could all blow up into something which can't be resolved.

i totally see your point of view. think you've done your best. but i suspect that she's feeling scared and stressed. doesn't know what it's like to have a child, is just seeing it from her own point of view. perhaps she's upset / jealous that your dd (quite rightly of course) is coming first, rather than her. she might feel that this is only going to happen once for her and she needs you more at the moment. even if it's just to be there.

i'd give her a call, explain that it's so difficult with a dependant, and you wish you were more available. see if she wants to talk about anything. maybe see if you can go for tea, just the two of you.

having said all that, she sounds like she's turned into a bit of a bridezilla. hopefully after the wedding she'll revert back to her old best friend persona

totally reiterate warty, in my experience even the most selfless considerate people turn into spoilt selfish brats in the run-up to their weddings! Let her have it her way, take a step back, show that you're not offended and are still willing to help, and then take a deep breath and put it down to a temporary state of insanity on her part for which you will forgive her after the wedding.
Believe me, if she is narked with your lack of availability, she will certainly understand it if she goes on to have a baby!
A good friend of mine got married in a different country when my ds was 3 weeks old (i'e' not really old enough to go on a plane) - I was still breastfeeding umpteen times a day, leaking the rest of the day and not sleeping at all as he was mega-colicky so I just didn't see how I could go to her wedding (to which he was deifinitely not invited). i thought it was reasonable to explain all of this but she was clearly very very miffed. However a couple of years later when she had a baby she implied she finally understood why I hadn't been able to go!

Thanks for taking the time to read this Freckle and wartywarthog.
WWH i think that you've hit the nail on the head, she doesn't like coming second to dd. Lol about bridezilla comment that is funny.
Maybe i will ring her and have chat, but perhaps tomorrow!
Do you think that friendships change when you have children?

Thirtysomething - unfortunately she'll never quite understand as she can't have her own children due to medical reasons. So will things like this keep proping up or will she calm down after the wedding?
Dh and i married abroad - much less stressful!

friendships definately change when one has a baby - the one who has the baby grows up bigtime.

For example, one of my friends treats my kids (in conversation) as minor annoysances, to be fobbed of with anyone who will look after them, so I can do the things I did before. She hasn't accepted, and won't until she has children, that I don't want to do the things I did before, because I love my children far more than I love my waste of space old life. I can't say that, because she still lives that waste of space old life.

People who have not had babies find it hard to understand how children are not like toys or pets that can be looked after/fed by anyone. That they won't impinge on their parents' lives in a way which would be unreasonably inconvenient. And if they do, they can surely be "managed". I was one of those people until I had dd

But if your friend expects you to put her wedding above your newborn. then I would say that she is acting not much better than a child herself. Can only hope this is just pre-wedding jitters on her part.

@ bridezilla!! LOL

Guess it happens quite often in these days - when weddings are planned more than a year in advance - that babies come into the reckoning unexpectedly!

There are friends in my life who I don't see as often as I used to as we live very different sorts of lives now. Maybe, if the hen won't be able to have kids, she will never find it easy to understand how your priorities have changed.

Best wishes for trying to keep the peace, if you are bfing dd now at least you have the wonderful calming mothering hormones on your side, possumhead

Thanks ladies,
Its great to chat it through with people that understand where i'm coming from - Mumsnet is fab!
I've decided that i'm gonna wait for her to contact to me, as i've not done anything wrong in putting my dd and an ill friend first!