so how do you change your life?

[hairymclary]

I have had weird recurring dreams for years now which are seemingly pointing to me having control issues, and not being in control of my life.
I've always been weird with control, I need to be in control all the time. As a child I had one best friend and I always had to make up the game, or go first, or dictate what we would do.
When I got older it manifested itself in extreme forms of self harm and eating disorders as I felt that I wasn't in control of my life. I managed to mostly put this behind me and thought that I was doing pretty well.
But I'm still having these dreams and I don't know how to change. How can I make myself happy in life, and how do you change when you've lived like this for so long?

Also, can you see a counsellor on the NHS for stuff like this? When I was younger I saw a psychiatrist but tbh I wasn't ready to change and I had to wait for over 4 months to see him despite trying to take my own life.
I don't want to go to my GP and be told to just get over it as it just doesn't seem like a serious problem, but obviously I need to talk this all through with someone and deal with it.

any advice?

I know you said you don't want to go to your GP but I think that would be the best place to start as they can refer you on within the NHS or recommend other organistions that offer counselling etc.

Your past problems will be on your records in some way or another surely, so they can't be dismissive about it.

Good luck

you can ask to see a different doctor if that would help? they are there to help
((((hugs)))

I would defo start with the gp - they should at least be able to give you some advice. i hope you get some support on this.

I'm just scared that they won't take me seriously

I'd be surprised if they didn't. Explain your situation but explain your history as well and they will see that this is you progressing and recognising that you're obviously experiencing some difficulties at the moment that you are trying to sort. They should respect this and give you the support/advice you need. Don't be scared (easy for me to say) - I think you're being very brave

thanks. I've always felt like I don't deserve any help because there's nothing actually wrong with me iyswim?
ow I just need to pluck up the courage to make an appt

they will take you seriously, its just that you might have to wait a while before you can get a counsellor