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Original poster

Mum's breast cancer

10 replies

ginmummy · 22/08/2006 17:34

Mum had surgery to remove both breast two weeks ago as she had a reoccurring cancer in the left one. Today she found out she has to have chemotherapy again.

Feel a bit down.

OP posts:
suejonez · 22/08/2006 17:43

know how you feel - my mum had chemo and radio and it is hard to keep their spirits up when you feel depressed about it.

Miserable, but there's really no way around it, and its difficult to think o something nice to do with her when she's feeling sick.

Could you plan to do something really nice together after she's recovered a bit from her chemo? Day out somewhere nice, shopping or sightseeing? aromatherapy massage each.

Original poster
ginmummy · 22/08/2006 17:56

Can't help but think this is the beginning of the end. She had breast cancer 5 years ago and a lumpectomy and several lymph nodes removed, 5 of which were cancerous. She then had chemotherapy and radiotherapy and has been taking Arimidex ever since, but this tumour (which we thought was a calciferous lump or a pre-cancerous lump) is a totally different kind of tumour and a lot more aggressive than was first thought.

Mum just looks totally shattered and drained, which you could say is totally normal for someone who's just had a bilateral mastectomy, but to anyone who knows her she just seems different, like she's getting ready to die.

I'm trying to put a brave face on it because I don't want mum to see me upset, but I'm crying even as I'm writing this because it just seems so hopeless. She did everything you're supposed to do to improve the chances of it not coming back.

OP posts:
maddiemostmerry · 22/08/2006 18:00

Sorry you feel down, my dad has cancer so I know how you feel.

Agree with Sue, try and find something nice to do before or after the next treatment.

tamum · 22/08/2006 18:03

I'm so sorry ginmummy. When you say the new tumour is more aggressive, do you know if it's HER2 positive? In other words, would she respond to Herceptin? You must be worried sick

maddiemostmerry · 22/08/2006 18:04

Very sorry, x posted.
My dads cancer has spread to bones and the treatment he is having is to buy time rather than provide any hope of a cure.
Really sorry, hope having a cry here is a bit of a release for you (((((hug))))))

suejonez · 22/08/2006 18:10

my mum was about as pessimistic as its possible to be throughout her treatment (she was given a 5% change of living two years and we're at the end of year two now) and she still had a great esult with the chemo. Just because your mum looks hopeless doesn;t eman the treatment won;t work. I have decided that this positive thinking lark is bollocks, my mum is evidence of that (though I do think it makes you feel better during the process, more in control).

We none of us have a crystal ball - you don't know if your mum will recover, get worse or spend many many years living with cancer and having occassional treatment for it. What you do know is that she is here now and you should both make the most of it, don;t waste it dwelling on what mioght happen - worry about things AS they happen.

Not so easy to take that advice, I know. But when my mum was diagnosed, her GP told her that most people die WITH cancer not FROM it ie they aren't cured but equally it doesn't kill them. They co-exist with it. I have no idea what is ahead for you and your mum, I hope that you can find the strength to make the best of whatever happens.

suejonez · 22/08/2006 18:13

PS - the more aggresive the cancer the better it tends to respond to chemo according to my mums consultant at the Marsden. Chemo works by targetting rapidly dividing cells - the more rapidly they divide the easier it is for the chemo to "see". Slow growing cancers are difficult to treat with chemo as they aren;t dividing much faster than normal cells.

Original poster
ginmummy · 22/08/2006 18:30

Thank you everyone!

Sorry for being emotional, not to mention snotting on the computer (though I should be saying sorry to mum - it's her computer!)

You're right, of course. Mum's still here and she could still be here for another 10 years, we never know what's around the corner.

SueJonez - I appreciate what you said about most people dying with cancer rather than from it - food for thought. She's had the tumour removed and the chemo will hopefully 'nuke' any rogue cells that are left. Although right now I'm siding with your pessimistic mum I'm trying to look on the positive side - she's still here and will hopefully be around for quite a while yet!

OP posts:
suejonez · 22/08/2006 23:31

You don't need to be sorry for being emotional. You should feel sorry if you're NOT emotional at a time like this! I hope things go well for you and your mum and just keep remembering, you doesn't have to "agree" for the chemo to work!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

If it helps - my mum was such a hopeless case that they referred her to the local hospice and had a nurse come and see her every week to make her eventual move to the hospice easier. She has been expelled from the hospice as I think she was not going to plan and getting worse! No she isn't cured but hse is fine and she's still my mum and we still go to M&S cafe for coffee and gossip. She was diagnosed with her cancer the day after my final IVF failed (not a good week for either of us) and now she's planning to come with me for part of my adoption tripp to KAzkahstan. Life could be a lot worse

mysonsmummy · 23/08/2006 01:29

my best friends mum had both her breasts removed four years ago due to cancer. over last month she could not keep any food down, felt full all the time and the weight has fallen off her. she was told yesterday she has cancer in her stomach and her 'food' pipe is blocked. they are putting a screw down there tomorrow to hopefully open up the pipe so she can eat. shes not strong enough ATM to have chemo. they are sending macmillian nurses to the house - is that a bad sign? thanks

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