NEED HELP PLEASE - just screamed at my kid

[Kate3]

Can't seem to control my temper. Poor kid is only 19 months. Driving me nuts, but too young to understand. I've never hit him, though, just shouted at him a lot lately. Anyone else feel like this? Any advice on how to keep calm?
Thanks...
Kate.

yes plenty. the best thing is that youve recognised it. are you tired? i do it a lot when tired or just about to come on.recognise it and use harm reduction techniques. if youre having real worries talk to your HV who will be happy to help with advice

Kate, time to get out of the house. Go to the park or something. I always feel calmer out side and know that I'll curb my temper more.

19 months is a very trying age.
Try and count backwards from 20 when you feel cross. Or lock yourself in the toilet for five mins.
Or punch a pillow.
My dd used to be the most demanding when she was hungry/tired/bored.
Be really pro-active about snacks, naps and getting out of the house as often as possible.
It's a phase (for both of you) and things will improve as they get older...
Good luck

Hi Kate

Really empathise with you. My 2 ds's are 4.5 and 2.5 and are driving me nuts atm. Off out this afternoon for a loooonnnnnng walk to see if I can tire them out!

Good luck.
mj

Thank you all... Feels better to talk about it.

Less tired than usual today, though the fuse is often shorter when I've slept less.

Trying to get out more, but most of our problems are at lunchtime, either coz he won't eat at all (though he likes the food) or he chews and spits out every 2nd mouthful or so. On a good day, I grin and bear it, clean him up and put him down nicely for his nap. On a bad day, I yell at him, leave the room, can't calm down, come back shaking with stress/fury, clean him up, dump him in cot, cry. Worry about next meal. Worry that maybe one day I'll lose it completely.

Can't talk to anyone professional - they or hubby might take him away. Can't talk to family - they'll think I'm a monster for shouting at little angel. They're probably right.

shove child in pushchair, give child something to munch, walk and walk and walk! walk your temper off a bit, the change of scene might stop him whining and if he is strapped in the pushchair he can't create havoc.

If your problems are at lunchtime, stop eating lunch in the house. make a pack up and give it to him in the pushchair. honestly, try it, and if he doesn't eat it go and throw it at some ducks, so at least you get to see it being eaten

I found that leaving the house as soon as you start getting fed up, doing an activity (library, ducks, playground, roll on grass) then serve lunch in buggy. 1 they have more appetite and 2 you are not face to face, it takes the confrontation away

Hi Kate3. I don't know your circumstances but I can't imagine your ds would be taken off you if you talked to your health visitor - it shows you're a caring, thoughtful parent who's worried about your son and his eating.

I'd echo the advice about giving him things to eat while you're on the move. My ds1 is 4 now and has always been the fussiest eater (still is...) but he definitely eats better if we're out and about. A sandwich while he's walking (or was in the pushchair) or car, and fruit etc. I know it's probably not the best answer long term, but at least you know he's had something to eat.

Good luck!

Glad you're feeling a bit better Kate3. Really try hard not to get stressed about the eating business. It doesn't matter if he missed the odd meal, or won't try something one day.
What matters is that he doesn't see food as a battle of wills.
Have you tried feeding him in a cafe or a park? When it's not just you and him in the kitchen, you might find he is more relaxed, especially about trying new foods.
Also you are less likely to scream in public!

It is a difficult time and you're not alone in doing what you've done or feeling how you've felt. I've shouted at my lo (now 23mths) especially at his 'naughtiest' and then feel really guilty afterwards. Going out is definitely a good idea as well as snacks on the go. I find sometimes turning tv off , putting on some kids music and marching round the room singing at the tops of our voices can be a good release of neg energy and makes my lo crack up!!! I have to say I think my ds actually picks up on my PMT as the bad times always coincide with it!!! Do talk to your hv though, not necessarily about the shouting at him but maybe advice re the food if that's a trigger. Also try and identify anything that is weighing on you that might make you prone to feeling stressful. Don't laugh but i've also started taking primrose oil and I have to say I've noticed a difference!!!!!!!!!

I agree with pps, Kate3. My DS has just turned 20 months, and he can be a PITA at times. 90% of the time, he's ok, but there have been a couple of occasions where I have bawled at him for whatever reason, and immediately felt bloody awful. It doesn't make you a bad mum, it makes you human. If you are really feeling like you might scream at him again, pop him somewhere he can't hurt himself and go into the kitcahn and make yourself a drink.

Anothre thing I have found that works is toy rotation. DS only has 10 toys a day to play with, but I change them every morning. This stops him getting so bored, and he thinks he has new things everyday. I never used to bother with this and he just had loads of things around him which he didn;t bother with because they were just there IYSWIM. It also means there's less tidying up for me at the end of the day, and we are getting our moneys worth out of all his toys!!!!!!!

On top of that, I have a bag of his fave toys, which come out once a day when I am finding myself drooping. It just has his colloection of Thomas the Tank engine trains and a couple of cars. They will usually keep him occupied for 40 mins to an hour, and it means I can rest a little (I'm 37 wks pg, so I bloody need it!!!!!!!)

Getting out more usually does the trick, even if it's just down to the shops and back. If that's not possible, a pack of crayons and some paper will provide some amusement. DS likes to scribble on the papare, and will then spend 15 mins taking the crayons out of the box and putting them back in again. I find this especially useful when I am trying to prepare his dinner etc, as he will happily sit in his highchair scribbling for a few mins.

Most importantly, do you get any time out at all? I live for weekends, where I can lie in the bath without a little person shouting at me ten to the dozen, or when I can go out to meet friends. If I didn;t have this time to myself, I'd be at the end of my teher. It has only been recently where I realsied that I needed time away, and it has been such a help.

Don;t worry about chatting to your HV. I had a chat with mine, and she gave me lots of useful advice with how to cope when DS is on one. I'd suggest talking to her might be a good idea, (providing you get on with her!)

If all else fails, don't be afraid of bunging a DVD or CBeebies on. Big Cook Little Cook has been known to save my sanity on more than one occasion!!!

If mealtimes are a problem, avoid mealtimes. You imply that he likes the food ? If so then be happy that he eats and don't worry about how and when. Make sure that he sees you eating at the table - he can just sit there with a snack or a drink - to ensure that he knows that is the normal way to eat for when he gets older. Meanwhile let him eat when he's hungry.

His childhood is too short to spoil with unneccesary stress.

Thanks - good suggestions and I'll try them .

It's not PMT this week, but we are both adjusting to change. Was working 3 days a week, but gave it up a few weeks ago to be with him full-time. Can't regret, since he's suddenly come out of his shell and got confidence and is really happy. (Food situation improved slightly - he didn't used to eat at all!)

Picnic in park tomorrow, then...

Yeah, ds1 never ate.
I just used to stick cheese, ham, grapes and stuff in tupperware and head off to the park regardless. He just used to graze and I never felt I was tied to house at mealtimes.