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Original poster

Upset with parents moving

25 replies

Festivefly · 18/03/2004 10:14

Yesterday i drove past my parents house and it was up for sale. They are moving to Blackpool and hadn't got round to telling me. I am really shocked and as being a single parent it means that the help they give me babysitting will be gone.
I just wish it had been a family discussion, i feel totally betrayed.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/03/2004 10:23

Oh FF, thats awful. How could they not tell you ??

What area do they/you live in now ??

spacemonkey · 18/03/2004 10:23

Blimey FF, how awful for you! Have you talked to them since? What did they say?

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 10:27

I spoke to them but i was a bit in shock, so didn't really want to hear anything, i was quite rude and said i needed to get off the phone to think. I live in Stockport only an hour away. It's just that i feel its a bit like what my x did and you can't really trust anyone.

OP posts:
lou33 · 18/03/2004 10:31

What a shock. Have you spoken to them about it?

lou33 · 18/03/2004 10:32

Oops, sorry, just read your reply.

You must be really hurt FF, esp after dh. I'm so sorry. Have a big hug from me {{{{{}}}}}

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 10:33

I'm going to ring them later when i have calmed down, don't know what to say really i hate falling out with people. I am glad they are doing something exciting with there lives. It just leaves me pretty much alone.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 18/03/2004 10:34

Yes, the timing couldn't really be worse. It seems v selfish of them IMO. Would it be worth talking to them and telling them that their support is really important to you right now? Maybe they would change their plans, maybe they don't realise?

Hugs to you FF X

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 10:37

No way i would be forever in there debt and will have stopped them from being happy. My mum is a big enough Martyr as it is.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 18/03/2004 10:37

I can understand why you feel a bit shell shocked and this leaves you without the support you've had previously. I expect they hadn't mentioned it to you yet because they knew you would be bitterly disappointed and they were stalling and trying to find the right time. What a horrible way to find out though. No wonder you feel let down.

Just one things occurs to me as an objective outsider. We don't really expect our children - when they have grown into adults - to be beholden to us and consult us before they move away...and parents would be considered unreasonable if they tried to clip their adult children's wings and persuade them not to move away. My parents were no doubt very sad about my sister emigrating to Australia (as they miss out on her and and her ds) but they supported her decision to do this....What I am trying to say is perhaps parents have the same rights? Why shouldn't they move to Blackpool. Sorry - I don't mean to be unsympathetic - I am sympathetic because it must be really hard struggling to raise kids on your own and your family support has been invaluable to you....but its not that unreasonable for your parents to want to see out their retirement by the sea....its must be very hard, but try not to take it personally. They only get one life

spacemonkey · 18/03/2004 10:38

Damn, I feel really terrible for you FF, you must feel so hurt

Jaybee · 18/03/2004 10:39

While I can understand that you would feel upset that they have not discussed this with you, surely, you understand why they want to do it - they should make the most of their time too - maybe you should see it as an opportunity, lots of summer weekends in Blackpool, girlie nights out in Blackpool with no accommodation costs. They may even be able to help you out financially if they are moving to somewhere smaller and cheaper.

SoupDragon · 18/03/2004 10:42

I agree that it must have been a terrible shock for you and it must be upsetting that they'd not told you about it before.

My parents moved 2 weeks after DS1 was born - their first local grandchild. For a while I felt that they'd abandoned/betrayed me - all my friends had recently moved away so I already felt abandoned and we were left with no babysitters. Then I realised that it was their life and they should be able to lead it how and where they like. They're 1 3/4 hours drive away which is a pain but it's not insurmountable. DHs parents are happy to drive over 2 hours to come and sit for us (and stay the weekend!) and my parents are happy to come a sit during the day so all may not be lost for you in that respect.

Hugs!

spacemonkey · 18/03/2004 10:43

Take your point hmc, and FF does say she's glad for them. But personally I feel that it's different this way round, and that whilst parents can't be expected to live for their children at the expense of their own plans indefinitely, in this instance they have been incredibly insensitive to do it without at least discussing it as a family first. I'm sure FF wouldn't have attempted to stop them in any case, and at least would have felt they were thinking of her needs as part of their overall plans. Once a parent, always a parent - there will never be a time I won't consider my children's needs even when they are adults, and especially if they had been through a difficult time and were on their own.

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 10:43

I totally agree with you handle, absolutely. I am very happy for them it is important, you only have one life. I am just upset at the lack of knowledge they gave me.
My parents would be bitterly dissapointed with me if they drove past my house and it was up for sale. The reason i am living here is because my mum really wanted to be close to he grand children so i moved home from edinburgh.
They can do what they want of course, but to see a sign outside your home is just not a way to deal with telling me.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 18/03/2004 10:45

I agree with you FF - a really horrible way to find out.

lou33 · 18/03/2004 10:50

If my mum was still alive, and I found out from driving past hre house, that she was moving, I would be incredibly upset. It's just so insensitive not to tell your children of your plans beforehand. I'm so sorry you found out this way FF.

Easy · 18/03/2004 10:58

FF I'm astounded. I can't imagine my mother ever making plans to change any aspect of her life without discussing it with me. Not to ask permission or anything, just to share her thoughts with me, and let me know about such changes.

How would they feel if you had done the same thing? How horrid for you.

Talk it over with them, and find out their plans. Then have a good think how you're going to solve the problems it causes.

Hope you're not too down

Batters · 18/03/2004 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 14:08

Been trying to get through all day but no answer, they've probably gone! I know as well there house will be snapped up so its going to happen rather quickly. The word Menopause springs to mind

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 18/03/2004 14:10

FF when I was 15 my parents (well mum and stepfather) sold our house and moved while I was away skiing!! Bloody cheek

Original poster
Festivefly · 18/03/2004 14:18

mmmm i don't feel so bad now CD

OP posts:
bran · 18/03/2004 15:52

CD did you know they were going to do that or was it an attempt on their part to 'accidently' lose you?

FF - perhaps your parents were worried about upsetting you and were waiting until they'd found the new place in Blackpool to tell you about it. Agree though that I would be very shocked if I found out something like that accidently while driving past my parents' house.

CountessDracula · 18/03/2004 16:03

NO I didn't know! It happened suddenly cos some friends of theirs were selling their lovely house and the buyers dropped out at the last minute. They were really distraught as had found house of their dreams so offered it to my mum/stepdad really really cheap if they moved immediately! So they did (and made a packet on it)

popsycal · 18/03/2004 16:46

OH FF!!! Have just caught up with this! Will chat to you soon - hope you are ok

fio2 · 18/03/2004 16:58

FF so sorry you had to find out like this ((hugs)) to you

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