Irrational feelings ...

[carla]

A chum I've known for about the last 4 years phoned me last night, and said do we want to meet up as she's moving to Edinburgh in 1 1/2 weeks. I had known her dh had got a top job there, and that he was moving there, but for one and another reasons hadn'd spoken to my friend for a while. Now .... I know this is completely irrational .. but I feel like I've lost someone. There's no way we'll get up to see her in Edinburgh, likewise, no way (with children the same age as mine) she'll get down to see us. Just feels as if someone's died on me. Anyone else been there before? Or am I being mad? Just can't see us making it between oxford and edinburgh too often. Can anyone relate to this?

Yes, I had a friend who moved to London, which is only an hour's drive away. Our dhs did not really get on, and when children came along, we drifted apart. We still 'phoned occasionally, but it was always a bit strained. However, 18 months ago, they moved back to my town, and we have become much closer again. What I am trying to say is that a friendship can seem to fade, but you never know what is around the corner.

yes. a friend of mine, i used to see very weekend even tho he lived 60miles away, moved to oxford, even tho the same sort of distance was harder to see as train routes were awful. also i s moved 3 times myself in the last 18months, i hardly see him. i last saw him in nov, and felt that the friendship was going downhill. since then he has started seeing new friends, i rarely make it out clubbing, and weekends i am free he is dj-ing so its hard to meet up. every time we plan to meet up (taking dh and the kdis with us,) something comes up and we cancel. He is still a good friend, but most of the time now we just chat on the phone and on the net. i miss meeting up as we used to have such a laugh. everyone said he was a male version of me. should really call him tomorrow as havent had a chat for ages.

Thanks M'netters. With other d. chum away this week I feel a bit tearful

Do you have many other friends? Try to cultivate them more, or go to some places where you can meet more mums. It IS horrible when someone you love leaves town, but it doesn't have to be the end of the friendship.

No, I lead a sorry existence. I'll miss my palls, just like everyone else I've met since work

meant to say since I've left work and can anyone stop my cryiing tonight?

Carla, I have lsot the count of that as I experience the same every year several times, it's awful but if it makes you feel better. My best friend which I met at University went to the north of the US, then I move to Latin America, then she move to Canada, later to Spain and finally we are still half a world apart but after all these years (11-12 by now) I still can pick up the phone and talk to her as if she were living next door. Long distance friendships need maintainance (cards from time to time, telephone calls and specially a good memory to remember were did you leave the conversation the last time). It's up to you but believe me it's worth the effort.

Chandra, thanks for that. It's just that this year, and only this year, we didn't make the gingerbread christmas things together. And I forgot about her child's party. So sitting weeping.

BTW, Chandra, why do you have to go through that so many times a year?

I lost Spacemonkey for 17 years, but we got back in touch and it was if we had only seen each other the week before.

Oh Carla,

Its tough when friends move away. I've been through it the other way around (I've usually been the one to up and move) and it can be quite a sense of loss.

Will you not be able to get the occasional off peak internal flight to Edinburgh? - if you travel at antisocial / unpopular times it doesn't need to be that expensive.

Carla, I REALLY sympathise. My best friend moved to Edinburgh ten years ago, before either of us had our families. We are still best friends, bound together by bad times as well as good, and still see each other at least four times a year. We speak a lot on the phone. OK, so we both miss the "oh sod this, let's go for a pizza" aspect of our friendship a LOT, and we don't get to each other's children's parties either, but we maximise the quality of the face-to-face time we have and make it our business to stay emotionally engaged in each other's lives. We're all friends, which does help (her dh is a good friend of my dh and we all get on well), and we are all godparents to each other's nippers.
Your friend will miss you too. Edinburgh is a gorgeous city with lots to offer but I hope no natives will be offended if I say that, like London, it can be hard to settle there and put down roots at first.
You're not mad. She and I wept buckets when the move happened and still do sometimes, but the friendship can be sustained, I promise. Hope you are feeling less down about it today.

Carla, I live in a very volatile environment where nobody is from the city therefore, people come and go, I have said good bye to 4 friends in the last six months, and there will be another 5 going by August. All of them have been very good friends for more than 5 years and they are leaving for places as far as South America.

Lately I have become a bit more "selective" when making friends and only concentrate on people who is going to be here for at least three years, otherwise, is too painful. Once they live, we kept contact for a time, or even for incredibly long times ( my recors is writing letter for 20 years without seeing each other in that time) but deep on my heart I know I will never see again some of them. Edinburgh is just a stone-throw away, you can even go for the weekend, don't let the friendship die.

i meant to say, when they leave not live.