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Original poster

Anyone a Samaritan?

20 replies

emsiewill · 14/03/2004 11:42

I was reading an article about the Samaritans yesterday, and I have been thinking about maybe volunteering. My mum was a Samaritan about 25 years ago, my grandma (her mum) later joined, too, and has only recently given up (she's 90 this year), so I know a little about what it involves, but obviously it was when I was younger, so didn't ask my mum a lot about it (and she's dead now, so can't ask her. My gran's a bit "out of it" now, so don't think she'd be able to tell me much).

Just wondered if anyone here is one, what the training's like, how it fits in with family life and anything else useful.

I don't feel that I'm very good at giving advice, but like to think I'm good at listening, and someone told me the other day that they found me very non-judgemental. But is that enough?

OP posts:

Original poster

emsiewill · 14/03/2004 11:46

PS I know you're supposed to keep anonimity - but surely this is anonymous enough?

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Janstar · 14/03/2004 11:55

I think you are not supposed to give advice, but to provide a sympathetic listening ear. So you would probably do very well.

Good for you!

suedonim · 14/03/2004 14:05

I've a couple of friends who are Samaritans. I'm not sure what the training is like but one friend is a single mum of four, and she still managed to fit it in. They don't give advice, just lend a sympathetic ear. I'm sure if you contact them they would be happy to tell you more of what is involved.

lou33 · 14/03/2004 14:23

Would this give any insight?

Tinker · 14/03/2004 14:41

emsiewill - my mum went through the training (and failed). Training will involve role-play telephone conversations with e.g. silences of up to 30 minutes etc to see how you cope. They also will not reveal why you failed which can be frustrating. Think initial sessions are weekly.

oxocube · 14/03/2004 15:29

emsiewill, I was a Samaritan for about 18 months prior to the birth of my first child. I had to give it up soon after as I was finding it too difficult to do a shift a week (which included 1 'allnighter once a month from 10 til 6am) with a young baby and working full-time. It was really interesting and certainly it put things into perspective - I felt SO lucky after listening to the heartbreak some callers were going through. The training was fun as well as quite demanding with lots of role play and scenarios to consider.

Something I was quite unprepared for was the number or 'regulars' who phoned in, some just for a chat but some with more serious mental problems who were on constant medication. There were also quite a few time wasters who rang making hoax calls and you soon learn to suss them out pretty quickly. One thing I never got used to though was the number of sex calls we received. I guess it goes with the job but they can be pretty unpleasant and I was quite shocked at first and certainly taken in on quite a few occasions.

Good luck and BTW, you don't have to be good at giving advice. In fact thats one of the things you are trained NOT to do. The whole point is to listen without making judgments (or at least not giving an opinion as I guess being completely non-judgemental is impossible) and to discuss what the caller is thinking/feeling and by exploring these feelings, allow the caller to come to their own conclusions as to what they should do. Also, I personally felt that anyone with very strong religious convictions may take issue with the fact that the principle of the Samaritans is that suicide has to be respected as an option if the caller has really decided to take their own life. The Samaritan's role is not to talk them out of it or to tell them that they are wrong or selfish and should consider friends and family etc.

Gosh, when I write it down it seems like a bit of an ordeal, but I really enjoyed the time I worked as a volunteer (in Croydon) and met some great people. Hope it all works out for you

Original poster

emsiewill · 14/03/2004 15:55

I do remember my grandma saying "I had one of those twankers on the phone the other day". Bless, her, she was really naive! My mum went on to run a drop-in for schizophrenics, and some of the people there had been callers, I think it had given her an interest in mental health problems (actually, she was quite amazing, went to college to do a degree at 35 with a 12 yr old an 11 yr old and a 5 yr old, MS and a husband who thought that a woman's place was in the home looking after him and their children. She also ran the local brownie pack for 25 years. Quite an act to follow).

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bunny2 · 14/03/2004 16:03

Emsiewill, I was always interested in being a Samaritan until I read an article in the Independant a couple of weeks ago. To be a Samaritan requires you to be completely unjudgemental, one caller was cited as ringing, distraught, having raped his daughter. I said to dh my response to that caller would be "do the world a favour and kill yourself, heres some razor blades". At that point I realised I probably wasnt Samartian material. If you think you can remain calm and unphased by some of the more unpleasant callers, go for it and good luck.

Original poster

emsiewill · 14/03/2004 23:33

Well, I've sent off for an information pack. I'll see what that tells me. Haven't even spoken to dh about this, yet. Think I should before I take it any further.

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FairyMum · 15/03/2004 07:25

I also know someone who failed the training as she was too "judgemental".
I could never be a samaritan for the same reason bunny2 is mentioning in her post. I am not religious, but I could not listen to someone commit suicide on the phone either. What if it was a teenager or child? Are you really supposed to just sit there and listen? I find that philosophy very difficult to take in personally....What does others think?

Mum2Ela · 15/03/2004 09:57

emsiewill, I was a 'Youth Line' Samaritan when I was about 17 (I live in your home town so perhaps you were thinking of being a Samaritan where I was?). The 'Youth Line' was a new initialtive set up at the time to encourage younger people to call (a bit like Child Line) but generally we had no callers on that line and I would end up taking the usual Samritan calls.

I really enjoyed my time there. I think perhaps I was too young to deal with some of the issues, but I dealt with them well and I was quite mature for my age.

It can get a bit unnerving when you have callers to the centre who you deal with face to face, but I think adrenalin takes over then. You get to meet some nice people and have a good chat about things.

I remember them being quite flexible with their rota, and I was always swopping shifts with other Samaritans which was fine.

HTH. Let me know if you have any other questions.

momof2 · 15/03/2004 10:10

Hi Emsiewill,
I was a Samaritan back in the early 90's. I too was only 18.
From what I remember the training was weekly and on Saturday's and you were not guarenteed to get in just from completing the training.
I had to do a shift every other week and 3 overnights a year, this may have changed or may be different from branch to branch.
We certainly were not allowed to give advice, but had to be able to listen and be nonjudgmental and sympathetic to every cause, as anyone could use the Samaritans.
I recall it was a good time - mainly as the shift I worked were fantastic and the support within the Samaritans was second to none.
I was a Samaritan for 4 years in all and only had 1 suicide in that time, which was dreadful, Fairydust and unfortunately contributed to my leaving.

momof2 · 15/03/2004 10:10

Sorry - I meant Fairymum, apologies

Beetybeetybangbang · 15/03/2004 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stace · 15/03/2004 10:14

I have to say that although i think the samaritans do a fantastic job (good friend was a samaritan) i agree that i could not sit by and condone or morally support in any way a rapist or (i used to argue with my samaritan friend about it) sit and listen to someone commit suicide.

I did however train as a childline counsellor before i had kids(i failed- told to try again in a year or so) which was a great experience, they also do wonderful work and i will definetly try again when the kids are a little older. Good luck !!

Mum2Ela · 15/03/2004 10:31

Stace, from what I remember, it really isn't like that. No-one asks you to condone what a rapist does. Or stand by and listen to someone commit suicide. If someone rings they usually want to be helped. If a rapist rings to gloat then I think this type of call is regarded as a 'what colour are your knickers' type of call. If they want help, you give it. If someone rings whilst trying to commit suicide (I dealt with one of these that I can remember - thay had taken pills) then they may want help and with their permission you can ring an ambulance etc.

stace · 15/03/2004 10:39

Oh i know that you can help and of course you can try to get them to accept help but i dont if it is still the same but years ago when my friend was a samaritan, i recall discussing with him that unless the caller wanted intervention you were not permitted intervene and i just couldnt personally handle that!! it just seemed such a rigid rule but i also understand why it existed just a case of too hard and fast for me!!

Tommy · 15/03/2004 14:50

I was a Samaritan until last week! I had been one for 7 years and managed to carry on after birth of DS1 but could not find a way of fitting it in with the birth of DS2.
I loved it - it was very rewarding and very challenging at times. It also is a big commitment. I also made some great friends among the volunteers - including my DH!
Emsiewill, why don't you phone your local branch and have a chat with someone about it - they will be very happy to tell you about the commitment they expect and will probably have an information day at some point where you can ask lots of questions too.
Good luck

JennH · 15/03/2004 18:32

I'm going to be honest here.

I have rang the Samaritans a few times, once as I was staring at a pile of pills (a long time ago now). Honestly I took them anyway. I found it really hard pouring my heart out to someone only to get nothing back. In fact it was the last straw in feeling so alone. I think the volunteers do a good job, but I know I couldn't do it (and i do deal with suicidal people as part of my job). I personally think there are better ways of helping people.
I just know when i was suicidal knowing someone was listening did not help me, because it just seemed like another person who didn't care.

Sorry if this is so negative.
Childline and MIND however are supurb and they have at times saved my life. I would love to volunteer for them one day.

Original poster

emsiewill · 16/03/2004 20:46

Thanks all for your input. Still haven't had time to speak to dh about this, and not sure he's going to believe that I have the time, what with the job, choir, Tai Chi for me and ballet, swimming, gymnastics and art class for the dd's. Still, if my mum could fit it in, then I'm sire I could at least try.

Mum2Ela, yes, I would be at the branch you used to be at - I suppose you don't still know anyone there? (although don't know how old you are, so could have been last year!)

Beety - tell me more! Or if you'd prefer, I can contact you off-board, or maybe you'd rather not tell me anything. Up to you.

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