half brother adopted before i was born - keep thinking of him

[adoptedbrother]

sorry for name change but can't risk anyone in rl having figured out who i am.

i found out (long story but discovered giveaway information) when i was 18 that my mum had a baby before marrying my dad and gave him up for adoption. tbh i've given it little thought for most of my life, but since becomign a mum it's been on my mind more. i have spoken to my mum about it once - about 8 years ago when she decided to tell me (spontaneously). we're not terribly close and it hasn't been discussed since.

have always felt that it was something that happened to her (rather than to us as a family) and so it was her business.

now i feel curious about him, whether he's still alive, whether we have similarities, etc. would love to know more but wouldn't do anything that could hurt my mum.

what do you think? anyone any experience of something similar?

have no experience
but cant salvation army help out if you would like to get in touch with him
good luck in whatever you decide
xxx

Oh, I found out, when I was in my 20s, that my mom had had a baby before me. But she wouldn't discuss it or tell us anything about it.

Then, a few years, later, my half-brother got in touch, and now we all get on reasonably well. Actually, two of his kids are visiting me now, from Canada.

I do think any contact is down to her and to your half-brother, from what I know. And sometimes contact doesn't go well.

sort of.

on my 18th birthday my dad told me that he has a son. he had fathered him when he was only 14 (the girl was 16) the girl was the daughter of a VERY rich man (he was the CEO of Phillips apparantly)
the girl went back to live in Holland with her family when they realised she was pregant and my Dad has never seen or heard anything about the child.

I discovered a few years back that my nan did keep in touch with the family but my dad didn't want to know. unfortunatly my nan and grandad have both passed away now and there is no paper trail that i can find.

I would advise that your try and speak to your mother again. usually Social services keep a file on all adoptive children so you have a place to start.
you will need your mums permission and some information as to where to start looking.

Your right, uit is your mums business essentially but he is also part of you. if you want to find out about him then you need to talk with your parents.
I know my mum knows about my brother but i don't think she would be over the moon if i tried ot make contact.
Also you need to bear in mind how HE may feel. he may not even know he is adopted!

thanks all. tbh i'm not even sure i'd want to make contact. would really just like to know that he's alive and happy. but then again, maybe it would snowball from there, and i'd want to meet him. but anyway, yes, i hear what you're aying about not being able to unless involving my mum. which doesn't feel right at the moment.

I was adopted as a baby and have no desire at all to either trace my birth family and I really don't want the law to change so that they can trace me.

I think that you do need to talk to your mum about it but be very careful if you proceed as it could be a very big can of worms that you are opening.

Have you read 'Blue Eyed Son' by Nicky Campbell? A very good read about tracing a birth family and he did trace his half sister as well.

It can be maddening. I was very frustrated when I knew my mom had had a baby before me (found out from my birth certificate - Canadian birth certificates are weird), but my dad was saying it had to be some sort of mistake, when it clearly wasn't. And my mom was just refusing to discuss the whole thing at all, with me or with my sister.