I think I may just have damaged a good friendship and need some advice!
Basically my 6 y-o DS has been good friends with another boy, K, since they were babies at nursery. We have also become very good friends with his mum & stepdad and his dad too (all very amicable). We even go on hols to the same place as his mum & stepdad and see each other lots socially.
L started school 4 months before my DS (a 2-tier entry system here) and by the time DS started school, K had made lots of friends and become something of a hero to all of them, for some reason. My DS joined in with the 'gang' although always felt a bit left out, and it's only since they went into yr 1 and different classes that he's really made any new friends that are unconneceted to K.
DS and K still played together although in the last 6 months or so things have been getting difficult. DS believes K keeps trying to freeze him out - I would ignore this normally, but have actually seen it happening in the playground so know it's true. My DS is no saint but K loves being the centre of attention (which he usually is) and on occasions when my DS has tried to 'take the initiative' and do something different with 'the gang', K has got very shirty. Basically he (K) loves being in control and doesn't like it when someone steals the limelight. I know I am not the only mum who feels this - several others do too.
It came to a head in the last week or two with my DS getting very upset at holiday club when K and another friend didn't let him sit with them for lunch, low level bullying etc. Again I would have tried to ignore it had it not been for the fact one of the adults at holiday club said "no more tears today, eh?" to DS as we checked in this morning, and told me there had been a lot of bitchiness with K and another mutual friend (who really hero-worships K) freezing DS out. he obviously has been getting very upset there as well as at home. It's making him very hard to handle.
I got home from holiday club and felt that I really needed to talk to K's mum about it. So I called her. Obviously she defended K and wouldn't accept that he was getting at my DS, saying that K had been having nightmares about it and it was 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. However I went too far by bringing in the fact that kids put K up on a pedestal, not that it was K's fault, that's just the way it is - and that I knew I wasn't the only mum to think that and that it was because K seems to be the kid who has everything, lots of toys and parties etc
She then rightly accused me of getting personal
and I apologised. I have double and triple apologised to her - which she has accepted - and we have agreed to get the boys together after holiday club today and try and sort out the problem.
However, I have two problems to sort out
- how do I make sure my DS is not upset any more and
- how do I repair my and K's mum's friendship? I don't want to grovel any more because I didn't actually say anything wrong, just got a bit upset and carried away, but it is a good friendship (for both me and DS) and I don't want to lose it.
Suggestions, o wise MNers?