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Original poster

Dummy - am ashamed to admit

24 replies

earlgrey · 10/08/2006 08:26

that dd1 will be 8 tomorrow, and she still thinks she needs it.

I've decided that 8 MUST be the cut off point - I've tried in the past and it hasn't worked. What should I do? Bin them and hope for the best? Try to appeal to her sense of grown-upness? I've got to deal with it, and an eighth birthday seems like the ideal time, but I don't know how

Needless to say I'm completely ashamed that I've allowed it to go on for so long.

OP posts:
domestickler · 10/08/2006 08:27

Dont be ashamed, whats that going to achieve?

At 8 can you not just be very firm and put up with the ensuing screaming for oh, about a day or so?

Or I would use a hefty dose of bribery.

Original poster
earlgrey · 10/08/2006 08:30

domestickler, thanks for making me feel not completely awful.

Would you just chuck them and say they aren't there any more?

Don't know the best way to go about it.

OP posts:
whimsy · 10/08/2006 08:33

Dont be ashamed at least you know ashe has to stop.
I used to nanny for a family who's 13 year old ds would leave his chain of dummys by the front door when he went to school and picked them up when he got back in.
His mom didn't think it was a problem

Furball · 10/08/2006 08:36

Maybe invite a friend to stay over and beforehand say that at 8 is it time to give up the dummy as she is now a big girl and that her friend manages fine without.

heavenis · 10/08/2006 08:41

I would just throw it away. Cover your ears. How about a small present to say well done for getting rid of it. Good luck

trinityrhino · 10/08/2006 08:45

don't be ashamed, this is exactly the reason that I didn't want to give mine dummies, I just know that I wouyldn't have been able to be tough enough to make them give them up, if my dd1 had had one she probably still would(she's nearly 7) cause I am soooo wimpoy and couldn't bear to take away her 'comfort'
I'm not completely wimpy in all my parenting but the comfort thing is an area where I am

I would sit down and explain to her that dummies aren't for big girls and then go and choose a pressie and get her to throw all dummies away

then cover ears

heavenis · 10/08/2006 08:58

Do you know anyone with a baby that she could give her dummy to?

niceglasses · 10/08/2006 09:08

Well my ds is 6 in Jan and we are mid process of giving it up. Only has it at night but would have it all day if left to him. he is doing well - 5 or so nights without it but lots of carry on going to bed. Lots of bribery too - pressies in the offing. Don't feel guilty - its not really a biggie is it in the scheme of things?? I can't get worked up about dummies tbh - its my dh putting the pressure on to get rid of it. Good luck tho.

Rebi · 10/08/2006 09:42

hiya earlgrey

My daughter is 3 and half and until last Wednesday was completely addicted to her 'doddie'. I really really really dreaded taking it away, but it actually was alright!!!

Last Wednesday morning she went to childminder and I didn't put it in by mistake (she got it when tired around lunchtime), so I decided to continue with it and told her there were no more 'doddies', brought her to ELC to buy a pressie for a big girl and how brilliant she was and how proud Mummy and Daddy were and how we understood how hard it was for her. Anyway we continued with that 'understanding how difficult it is for her' angle and she was great. She was overwhelmed with longing for it at times in the first two days (I just cuddled and sympathised with her as she sobbed, poor baby!) but has not mentioned it at all since Saturday!!!! Her sleep isn't fantastic but we are getting there.

Hope that assures you that it hopefully won't be as bad as you fear. I was so dreading it and am so relieved that it is behind us now. I would imagine that at your dd's age she may hide dummies, so you would probably have to do a sweep of the house before you tell her what is going to happen!! Go for it and good luck!

p.s. Don't worry about what others think!

Bugsy2 · 10/08/2006 09:49

Mine had hers up until her 4th birthday. I then binned all of them & the dummy fairy bought her an enormous barbie fairy castle to say thank you for donating them all to the little babies that need them!!!!
Your DD will be hacked off for a few days, maybe even a week Earlgrey, but she will get used to not having them. If you bin them, then there is no going back!!! Be strong - you have to be, because she is still too young.

oliveoil · 10/08/2006 09:53

My friends had several versions:

Bury it in the garden for 'the fairies' and then secrete a present where you buried it for her to find.

Father Christmas/Easter Bunny etc took it but left present

Leave it under her pillow, then swap for present

(can you see a theme developing???!)

and one friend dipped it in vinegar, left it to dry, and then said it must taste funny 'as you are too big now'. And went to get her a present.

I have to say, 8 is far too old imo to have a dummy, or even 3.

xx

educatingrita · 10/08/2006 09:58

Poor you!
Firstly only get rid of it if you WANT to, not just because you think you SHOULD.

All my kids had dummies,and this is how I dealt with it.

As I decided my DD was old enough I got a chart with stickers and we sat down and said that when she had slept a night without it we would put a sticker on in the morning and she would get a small sweetie that day too.
I made the stickers really sparkly special ones.
Then if she had gone a week without the dummie, they would be thrown away and she would get a gift of her choice. I wouldnt recommend birthday time for 2 reasons.

  1. they get loads of pressies then anyway and its easy not to care about 1 extra one.
  2. Using that day to get rid, make sfor a horrid, sad birthday night with lots of guilt form you that she should be happy on her birthday not sad!

I hope this helps, if you get her involved by making the chart together, choosing lovely stickers and putting it up in her room then letting her say when she is ready to start, I bet she will want to get going right away!

I would also ban sweeties until sje is ready to go with the plan too.Just say "oh no darling, not until youve started your chart,then we get those for a reward"

Good luck!

Anchovy · 10/08/2006 09:59

Elaborate plans are curently underway in the Anchovy household for the "dummy fairy" to pay a visit to DD (2.10). She is moving into a proper bed on Saturday and we thought that seemed as good a time as any to do the "now you are a big girl..." routine. Respect for the dipping it in vinegar method mother! I think we are going down the slightly wimpier "very lurid my-little-pony-left by the dummy-fairy" route. As DD will currently sell her soul for a my little pony, I am reasonably optimistic.

LemonTart · 10/08/2006 09:59

Does she use it round the house or only for night time? If round the house, could you discuss it with her and cut back to just one kept in a box by her bed etc? If you remove it totally, who are you helping? Your own sense of embarrassment over her non conformity to social expectiations or helping her overcome some pyschological habit thing? I know that it is unusual for an 8 yr old to have them but, really, what harm is it doing to her if it is restricted to only occasional night time use?
My DD1 never had one. DD2 is inseparable from her dum dum. The whole house is in a spin if she loses one! We have discussed cold turkey, gradual withdrawal etc and DH said that it was as if we were discussing our child taking drugs rather than having something that provides her with comfort with no medical or pyschological issues! made me realise that I had the problem, not DD2! We are now trying a new tactic to limit it to her bed and long car journeys. If she says she needs it in the daytime, she is asked if she is tired and told she can go to bed for a nap with it or play without it. Sometimes she goes to bed, other times grumbles a bit but puts up with it. This was she remains in control of her own comforter IYSWIM. I don?t know what the answer is, everyone has diff opinions and diff tactics.
I would talk to your DD1 about it and see if you could come to an agreement together that you are both happy with. Please don?t just chuck her stuff away. Imagine if you were a smoker and your DH decided it was enough and threw all your fags away and lighters and told you never ever again. Imagine how angry, betrayed and hurt you would feel, that lack of independance etc even though you knew tha`t smoking was bad for you - unlike dummies really. I reckon it would be a similar set of emotions.

educatingrita · 10/08/2006 10:02

Oliveoil, I know you are entitiled to your opinion, but saying 8 or even 3 is too old for dummies doesnt help.

Each child is different as is every family and whats wrong for some, is ok for others.

Earlgray is asking for help and advice not critisism.

My daughter was older than Id have liked too, but she has 3 lots of surgery by the time she was 5 and I felt she needed all the comfort she could get in hospital.
Im just saying that dont jump to judge people until you know the exact circumstance, as none of us on MN really know what the other families may be dealing with.

educatingrita · 10/08/2006 10:04

Well said lemon tart!!

oliveoil · 10/08/2006 10:13

educatingrita - well it is my opinion and she started a thread asking for help which I gave.

I am not jumping to judge, but don't start threads hoping to only get views you want imo.

Bozza · 10/08/2006 10:19

But lemontart it does have medical issues. My friend's DD is 2.6 and her baby teeth have developed around her dummy - so that when she closes her mouth there is a circle in the centre of her bite. How much more serious is this at 8 with the adult teeth coming though?

oliveoil · 10/08/2006 10:21

And it can seriouly delay speech as well if used continously, I am not talking about just at night, but I often see children permanently plugged and it does make a difference to their vocab as they are not speaking AT ALL.

TinyGang · 10/08/2006 10:24

Look at it this way..Lots of children 8 and older still suck their thumbs. My dd is nearly 8 and can't seem to stop at the moment - mostly when she's tired.

Your dd just likes a dummy instead - it's not so very different.

I suppose I can see why you wish her to stop, but if she just kept it for night time - well, who needs to know?

When the dentist told my dd to stop sucking her thumb at night, although she tried very hard, she became quite distressed and couldn't sleep at all. I just couldn't force the issue in the end as she was so upset. I am a bit of a softie about things like that though, I admit.

Original poster
earlgrey · 10/08/2006 10:25

lemontart, I was quite stringent in her use of it while she was a toddler, ie, not letting her have it unless she was in her buggy and wanting to sleep. Two years ago we made her not come down with it. That was something.

Don't get nasty with one another. You're all lovely and have wonderful opinions. I appreciate them all, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgrey · 10/08/2006 10:27

Tinygang, dd2 is 6 and sucks her thumb, but it falls out and she's not bothered by it. Also, it doesn't seem to have the same effect on her teeth as it does with dd1.

OP posts:
jalopy · 10/08/2006 10:34

Earlgrey, don't feel ashamed! Brace yourself for a few rough days when you chuck it away. As you say, you can appeal to her sense of grown-upness by arranging a nice treat if it all goes well. Remind yourself, life will continue without the plastic device and she will get over it quickly.

Original poster
earlgrey · 11/08/2006 07:11

Thanks to you all for your comments. I can see today might be a good day, as she's having two friends over for a sleepover, and I just might bite the bullet.

She doesn't have it round the house - God forbid - but when I took her to the dentist he asked 'Does she suck her thumb?' 'No'. 'Well, she sucks something'.

It's what happens tomorrow that worries me.

And I'm speaking as someone who sniffed and sucked a rag 'till I was 17!!!!

OP posts:
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