Anyone fancy doing some amusing random saying and proverb alteration with me?

[nuckingfutjob]

If you lie down with chinchillas, don't be surprised when they jump on your head.

A stitch in time is quite fiddly, since time is an abstract concept.

Too many cooks make wall-to-wall bland and cheap TV.

A bird in hand is worth a pecked hand and a fist full of shit.

A leotard can not change its spots

my dh had a boss who regularly mixed up his metaphors.

the most famous one being "he has to make his mind up. tell him to shit or get off the bus"

euuuuuugh

A watched pot is a sign of psychosis.

Too many cooks make light work but can be annoying

Having your cake and eating it is very sensible

PPH, your boss often shit on the bus then?! Ewwwww!

A rolling stone hurts your foot if you don't get out of the way sharpish.

One good turn deserves a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

A woman's place is in the home...
...with a glass of chablis in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other

another famous one he said was "I don't know why he isn't talking to me anymore. I offered him a figleaf".

figs, olives, both mediterranean trees I guess...

You can't make a silk purse out of clingfilm.

I think these are great - but I never remember them

my all time favourite is "you can't polish a turd"

You can have your cake, eat it and make a nice trifle with the leftovers.

A leopard cannot change its socks.

The town is burning and the old slapper is shagging the firefighter (Romanian saying - the town is burning and the old woman is combing her hair).

A bird in the hand is worth one in her bush.

Been drinking...sorry.

You can have your cake and eat it. But eating your cake and THEN having it is most unpleasant and not recommended.

It's not over until the fat lady gets out of her seat and lets you get past.