Post-Natel depression.

[wintye]

I couldn't find anywhere on here that looks at this, so I started this thread. This is the 2nd time I have been to the website and the 1st message I have posted. I am at my wits end. I have been told by my doctor in so many words that I have post-natel depression. I am struggeling through the day just to do anything. My daughter is 19 months and my son 4 months. I have no time to myself and if I ask somewone to babysit, I feel bad becuase I know it is really hard work and feel like I am sherking my responsibilities as a mother. I am talking to someone through email from the APNI and she is helping but hasn't replied to a recent email and I don't want to pester her. Please tell me I'm not alone and that I'm not the only one who has shouted at their children. Sorry for the long message. Oh and is there anywhere on this website where I can find out what all the word shortenings mean. I can't understand half the messages on here. Thank you for reading.

wintye

First, shortening

dd dear/darling daughter
ds ditto son
dh ditto husband
dp ditto partner

Lots of others, you can find them in this list or just ask as no one minds explaining.

I have no personal experience of PND (post natal depression) but I have at times felt desparate and sad as have all mothers I am sure. You will get lots of support on here.

Don't feel guilty about getting alternative care for your children, don't forget if you have PND and the person looking after your children doesn't then they won't feel the same way as you.

You need the break, try and go with it.

Best of luck and big hugs to you (((()))))

wintye
sorry to hear you are feeling so low
This is a very quiet time of night, so don't be put off if you don't get many responses, it is busier in the day time and mid afternoons especially.
If you don't get much of a response, just post another message that simply says 'bump' which means you are bumping this thread up to a prominent position in the list of Active Conversations.
As for abbreviations, the D prefix means Dear - Husband, Daughter, Son, Partner

HTH = hope this helps

bump

Wintye - You are most definitely not alone. I have been suffering with PND since my ds was a few weeks old. He is now 2.8yrs old and I'm 4mths pregnant with number 2.
So sorry you are feeling so low, I know the score and you will get loads of advice and support on here. I didn't find this site until ds was 18mths old and before then I'd told nobody about my depression.
PLease please don't feel abnormal or alone. We're all here for a chat anytime you need it.

Have you been prescribed any medication? There have been a few threads about homeopathic rememdies that have really helped many people including me. Maybe you should try that option too?

Please keep posting. And some clever Mumsnetter could maybe put a link here to direct you to a previous threads. There are a whole host of us "Crazy Ladies" here.

I have severe PND with my first. He's now five years old. You are certainly not alone and I dreaded the feeling coming back so much that I voluntarily started anit-depressants three weeks after ds2 was born. He's now four months and no signs at all of the depression thankfully.

Five years ago there was very little help for me and I was lucky to have such good support from my mum. My mum raised ds1 for the first six months of his life. He slept there most nights because I just couldn't stand to be near him. It took me such a long time to bond and I didn't really manage it until recently when I was pregnant with ds2. The one thing that my mum said to me which I hated at the time but understand now is this :-

It doesn't matter who shows your child love as long as someone does and he knows he's loved.

It doesn't matter how much you yell at him when you are having a bad day, he won't remember.

She was right. He is such a loving little boy and climbs on my knee for a cuddle even now. He'll cuddle me in front of his friends at school. He doesn't remember me yelling at him and nor does he remember how much time he spent away from me as a baby.

Don't feel guilty for wanting time. If you can find one bit of the day where someone else takes over for an hour or so it makes the rest of the day bearable because you know you are heading for a break. I doubt there isn't one parent on mumsnet that doesn't breathe a sign of relief at nights when the kids are in bed and you have ME time. It's human nature. Be selfish to be good to yourself and your kids. You will be a much more in control mum if you can see a break up ahead.

My thoughts are with you and I hope that a lot of other people offer you similar advise and support. I've only been mumsnetting for about six weeks or so and I've found them a great source of comfort and laughter when you need it. If you want to E-mail me anytime just for someone to listen to use the contact another talker. My E-mail is on most of the day everyday.

Lots of hugs to you.

Wintye,

Another "crazy lady" here. Like you I also suffered with PND with DS1 who is nearly three it was diagnosed by the time DS was three weeks old - I am now pregnant with number 2 and confident that I'll manage better this time because I am more aware of what might happen.

One of the best ways of dealing with it for me was to talk to people. My HV was very supportive and introduced me to a support group for woman with PND. We met once a week at a local church - for the two hour session volunteers who ran the church playgroup would take the children and look after them (DS was tiny yet they fed, changed and cuddled him - he loved it). We had a forum for airing how we felt - it was really good to know that other mums felt like me and equally good to see that you do come through it. If your area doesn't have something similar - use Mumsnet there are so many of us who know how you are feeling.

My advice would be:

1. Go to see your GP ASAP (if you haven't done so already). Remember there is no shame in being depressed - statistics say that 1 in 10 woman suffer from PND (I personally think that figure is higher).
2. Consider the option of medication carefully - I can't tell you how many mum's I have met with PND who have point blank refused Anti-Depressants (AD's). They certainly may not be for you but they do help - I had to try 3 different types before we found one that suited me but it truly helped (I noticed the difference within 10 days)
3. Don't beat yourself up about shouting at your kids - I can remember when my DS was tiny and screaming (despite being fed, warm, winded etc) - I just sat there howling alongside him - I didn't get dressed that day but he is alive to tell the tale.
4. Make sure you eat and sleep properly (or get as much rest as you can - tiredness is a major trigger of depression).
5. Try to get out and about - even if just for a walk.
6. Talk, talk, talk?

Remember that it does get better, some of us have to manage motherhood before we become "natural mothers"?

Love
Dejags

Hi Wintye, you have come to the right place. Mumsnet is a wonderful source of advice and support. I and many many other mums here have known the desolation of PND, so you can always talk to us.

I don't know how to do links either, but hope someone clever will make links for you to some of the very helpful threads that already exist for this topic.

You will get over PND, and you will feel better. You are a good mum. I don't think there are many people who do not shout at their children once in a while. I do it a lot myself, but they are not cowering in the corner, they're still always hassling me about something! They have managed to survive to the ages of 14, 11 and 3.

I find caring for one child under five an exhausting proposition, with two under 2 I am not surprised you struggle to get through the day. You will need to let some things go, you are not superhuman. Before you know it they will be at nursery age and you will be able to get back to your normal standards.

And of course you should accept help. It won't help your family very much if you are ill or stressed out, will it? Take a little time for yourself so that you will be a better mum when you are caring for them.

If you had flu or a broken arm you would accept help. PND is an illness too and so don't hesitate to ask for help.

You haven't mentioned your partner/husband. Is he supportive?

And, where do you live?

Thank you all so much for all your advise. I have posted on another site and someone gave me a realy good website to visit. I started AD's from the doctor but they made me feel really sick and I was already ill so gave up. I have been advised by a few people to try another type. I will book the appt with my doctor and at least try a few. I have got over the cold now.

I've also heard a few things about homeopathic rememdies. I haven't got a clue what they are - does any one know???

I would give anything ago and it's a good excuse for someone to babysit and I can actually do something instead of housework, or catching up on missed sleep. Both children are asleep at the mo and it's nice to have a bit of me time.

My partner is very supportive. I don't think he really understands (but how can he, he hasn't got PND) He has taken over cooking, making bottles and even agreed to a break in the bedroom, as that's the last thing on my mind.

Janstar -I live in Basingstoke, Hampshire. If you know of any telephone numbers I can call to arrange a meeting like dejag was talking about, then that would be brilliant.

Dejag - if you have a number I caould call that would be brill.

thank you all so much for your kind words and I will keep taking the deep breaths and trying to control my shouting.

I was hoping you were near me so I could take the kids off your hands once in a while. Unfortunately I'm a bit too far away.

Good to hear you dh is helpful and supportive though, at least that's one less thing to get you down.

Homeopathic remedies, I guess would be St John's Wort. I used to take it, it worked wonders for me. I think it is best if you get advice about that from a proper therapist.

I have just booked an appt for tomorrow morning. I will talk to him and see what he has to offer. I could pop up to see the HV as well and see if they know of any groups. I will let you know.

Thanks

Wintye,

St Johns Wort has really good reviews - but check with a homeopath before taking it - it is contra-indicated with some medication. Also try Bach's rescue remedy which I found fantastic for really critical moments i.e. when I could feel a panic attack coming on. I visited a homeopathic shop (Neal's Yard) and they recommended a combination of drops (taken on the tongue or a tincture in water) for my symptoms which I found very helpful.

You health visitor should know about local PND support groups - if not then speak to the Antenatal Department at your local hospital - they should be able to point you in the right direction.

During the worst of my PND I was suffering from panic attacks 2-3 times a day and my husband was forced to stay at home to look after the baby. My saving grace was implementing a routine which I lived by - some thought I was a bit uptight about it but by regimenting our lives I knew what was going to happen and when. Predictability really helped me adjust to the change in our lives.

Hang in there - you are doing a fantastic job!!

I am very much one for routine and organisation in my life and obvoiously baby's cahnge all that. I think I have suffered with this since my daughtre was born. She was 5 weeks old and a neighbour had a DS 2 days after my DD was born.

I asked her how she was getting on and she said brilliant and that she was really enjoying it. I nearly burst into tears as I was hatting it and finding it such a struggle. I muddled through, but since my DD has discovered temper tantrums and will not try to say any other words than Dady or Dog Dog, I have goven in and had to admit there was something wrong. This website has made me feel so much better.

Thank you so much. Still asleep, wey hey.

Sorry I should proof read b4 I post. Our baby's were 5 weeks old when I asked her how it was going. They were born 2 days apart.

Wintye - I used Sepia to help me. It was recommended by my GP and you just buy it over the counter. That doesn't mean it'll be the right one for you, but it really helped me feel more in control of what was happening.

I have been fine for months, but now at 4mths pregnant I have started having panic attacks and spells of just sobbing on the bathroom floor. I can't take sepia whilst pregnant and am really missing it!

Speak to an expert who'll find one that suits you. If you can't afford it or don't know where to go try St Johns Wort or Sepia.

Good luck! You're off to a good start posting here.

Congrats on the pregnancy but I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time as well. All I can say is look at allthe advise I have recieved and try to follow it as I am.

Good luck and I will post after my doctors appt tomorrow.

hi i am a mother of 2 beautiful girls: one just two and one 2 months and i am finding it difficult to cope i feel if i tell people they will think i dont love my ch'n or am not a good mum... i dont know if i have pnd or if i just am a busy mum who is human and loses her cool at times i feel i need to run away ,anywhere but near them i feel that if i am near them i'll mess them up emotionally i cant handle crying i feel it is like someone running there fingers down a chalk board.. my hsband is fantastic i feel anxious every time he leaves me alone with the girls which is hard for him and he has givin up most of his out of family enjoy ments i feel jealousy for him to go any where he doesnt know how to help me please can anyone give me advice