Oh it's ok, they're only men

[MrsAnthonyKiedis]

This is not something I think or would ever say, but something that has been said to me lots recently to explain away my FIL's actions or inactions. I was just wondering whether there was any limit to the things he (and presumably other men) could get away with by relying on that excuse. For example- not coming round to see ds and dd; my mum says "Oh, men don't like to visit so much"

Also the classic "Men don't think" which can apparently be applied to absolutely situation. Now I don't for one minute think that "all men" are the same, so why can some people get away with things by having others make excuses for them- how far can it be stretched?

I'm always annoyed by "boys will be boys" as an expression, which excuses all sorts of bad behaviour.

Does "men will be men" excuse date rape?

because girls don't DO DIY/taking out garbage/dealing with dead insect/map reading

ahhhh....but we can get away with stuff by saying it is our hormones....

tis a two way street, and I am quite happy saying that I needed this top cos I was hormonal, or I need this chocolate/ice cream cos of my hormones......

sooooo....guess sometimes letting tham do things cos they are men is our payment for using the hormone route

Quite NQC.

meowmix I do all of that!

Hmph. I do DIY, I take out garbage, I deal with dead (or live) insects, and I read maps. I don't justify anything based on hormones.

altho serious stuff like NQC has said is NO* excuse on what sex we are!!!!!

Hmmm pscho, interesting. Am wracking brains to think if I have employed this tactic!

Domestic violence is probably another "men will be men" thing. And spending all the family budget on booze/strip clubs/porn.

Oh, I've been a bit of a princess about food while pregnant, but only my first pregnancy. And I'm a bit about it now. But I don't base food choices on hormones, generally, at least not knowingly. (And if I want chocolate, I have chocolate, I don't have to need it do I?)

psycho even

Just irks me that things that upset and bother me and dismissed as ok because a man did them. I don't think most men would rely on this (or am I being naive)

NQC....I am NOT in any way implying that date rape, domestic violence (hell, any violence) should be excused....am sorry as I really didn't think of that side of the 'boys will be boys' arguement.

I was only attempting to explain some of the lighter side of it by saying that I do indeed use my hormones as an excuse occasionally.

altho woe betide my DH if he in turn tries to blame my hormones.....only I am to do that you understand....

I don't think anyone here would honestly say "oh, a little punch now and then is fine, after all, men will be men". It just seems like the logical conclusion of the "boys will be boys" expression.

People do shrug off thoughtlessness, and drinking, all the time, as being typically male things. (He forgot my birthday, again, oh, men will be men.)

Sad to say NQC this is the type of excuses that our mothers handed out, and their mothers handed out, that gave the men free rein to to as they please.....it is something that is wrong and always has been.

It really is not OK to allow these things on the premis of sex!

we can only hope that we can change things with our own sons, and make them see that they can't use any excuse for violent behaviour, or any other thoughtless behaviour at that either!

and forgetting a birthday is so not on.....

but then on the other foot men boost they are better:
car drivers
cooks
workers (get paid more

so if men dont think how can they do these?

they are better drivers imo

which was NOT the point -

erm...yeah ...... its rubbish.

although on thinking about it we shouldnt want to equalise the sexes on everything. by virtue of being male and female we on balance i think take different views

Take the visiting thing. now IMO your FIL was rude and insensitive. there is no excuse for that

however iN my personal esperience Men dont do the socialising of visiting people..willingly and enjoy it... they either go with - its mandatory - somone just died- or under sufferene becuase its been 5 years since they last phoned their mother.

Well yes custy, in my case FIL should have wanted to see dc, if not then he should have come anyway because they are his grandchildren. My mum and the rest of rl excuse him because "It would be different if mil was still alive" which makes it even worse that he doesn't imo. I digress.......

he doesn't automatically have to love your children becuase he is a grandparent.

some people dont like children at all
your Fil has his favourties - my MIL does too - its not a male thing. its just one of those things - and i think the sooner you reconcile yourself with the fact that he doesn't give a shit - the better - no use in crying and worrying over why he's a cunt - some people male or female are just cunts.

in my case my mother has no particular love for her grandchildren either - my mil prefers youngest brothers children.

which al together leaves my children left out

they are now 16 +13

they know whats what - and i haven't had to call anyone a single name infront of them.

Oh FFS, Custy, you haven't seen my DH drive. One time (when I was 9 months pregnant) he backed out of our driveway and straight into the neighbors Audi. So, we proceeded up to the door to confess our sins. And my dh wanted me to knock and explain. I refused. So DH told the nice neighbor what he had done. The neigbor said "oh" went to look at the car. WE said goodbye, he turned inside , closed the dor, and positively roared with laughter. Dh and I were rather puzzled. It appears it was his wife's car and she had just done the same to someone else. So the husband thought it was terribly funny that she had gotten a taste of her own medicine.

Oh by the way "boys will be boys" is no excuse in my house. However, I do solicit the nearest man to kill my spiders.