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Original poster

When do you cover up?

14 replies

kimi · 07/08/2006 11:43

Ok so as some of you may know from othe threads DH and i seperated and i am now living with new DP. DH and i have two boys age 10 and almost 6.
And i need advice.......
DS 1 and 2 will often go from the bedroom to the bathroom and back naked, as a family we never had a problem with this, they will also often come and sit on the loo and talk to me or DH when either of us were in the bath, or even come in and use the loo (4 people and one bathroom/toilet sometimes it was a must). I have never worried about either of them seeing me getting dressed etc, but DP is uncomfitable with this and says i should not let them (especially ds1) see me naked. DP lockes the bathroom door and comes out fully clothed.
So i now dont know what to do as i dont want then to think being naked is wrong, i dont want to embaress them, and i dont know if i have been wrong to let them see me naked in the past..... ADVICE PLEASE

OP posts:
mummyhill · 07/08/2006 12:26

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dmo · 07/08/2006 12:45

i think it was fine and natually at first
but now as dp is not comfortuble and ds1 is older i would cover up more
dont make a thing of it you dont have to say anything at all let it be a natually process
things must have changed in your house since dh moved out so this is just another change
ds prob wont notice if nothing is said

Original poster
kimi · 07/08/2006 12:59

Thank you mummyhill amd demo.
We now live in a new house (with DP) and have two bathrooms.
DS2 will strip at the drop of a hat but DS1 is a bit more modest, DH will still walk from bedroom to bathroom nakey when the boys are with him, but i think it is a bit different as its all boys together there.
I know i would not want them to see DP in a state of undress despite DS2 this very morning banging on the shower door and waving at a very embarest DP) .
Both DSs dont seem to mind me wondering about in undies or going from bedroom to bathroom nakey.
But DPs comments have made me feel bad about it .

OP posts:
Kathlean · 07/08/2006 13:18

I think if you and your children are happy being casually naked around each other then there is no problem with that.

Your DP may have a problem as to him you are (hopefully) a sexual object and he may be projecting this onto your sons. I think you need to explain to your DP that there is NOTHING wrong with nudity, you children came out of your body (maybe fed from it) and have grown up seeing you like this and it is not an issue for any of you.

Your DP needs his own privacy though as he has not grown and developed with this over the years. Perhaps you need to explain this to your children, they are old enough to respect his privacy.

You have done nothing wrong and he should not make you feel bad about this.

You know your children and you will know if they suddenly need privacy or not to see you naked.

rabbitrabbit · 07/08/2006 13:24

Hello, sorry you're having to cope with this.

I may be very very left of centre here but as a child we had a similar situation with my mother's new partner-and all he was trying to do was create a 'distance' between us.
This may obviusly not be the case in this situation and I apologise sincerely if I've offended you in anyway.-I just wanted to mention it because when I read your post it made me remember that not only did we have to cope with a new person we then suddenly felt this huge distance from my mother with lots of shut doors etc.

I'm sure this isn't your situation but I do think that there might be a happy medium here. Your dp can still have his privacy whilst you and your children carry on until they let you know that they're more ready.

I hope you work it out for you all.

crazydazy · 07/08/2006 13:25

I too think your DP is wrong. I let my DS and DD see me naked and don't have a problem with it, I am sure when they get to the age where they feel uncomfortable then they will be sure to let me know and until then I will continue allowing them to see me naked, they are my children and they are part of me. I feel the same about DD seeing DP without clothes although now she is 6 and becoming a little too curious for DP's liking so he tends to avoid letting her see him naked now.

Original poster
kimi · 07/08/2006 14:43

Thank you all,
DP says he never saw his parents naked, and that at 10 DS1 is too old to see me with nothing on.
I understand some of what he is saying, but to me DS1 is still a little boy.

OP posts:
mummyhill · 07/08/2006 14:55

I parade round naked and so do the kids. DH is uncomfy with dd seing him with out clothing but would never tell me to cover up. When the children or I feel uncomfy then I will cover up. There is no need to censor as it were till the children feel the need. This constant ohh cover up/don't let them see you naked is whre negative self image comes from in my opinion.

God I hope that all made sense, need some sleep but as I have both children (under5) at home and am working tonight there is no bloody chance of that.

Original poster
kimi · 07/08/2006 15:02

Yes mummyhill it made sence
Good luck with getting a nap.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 07/08/2006 15:08

lol, i'm 22 and my parents still wander around with no cloths on when i'm in the house!

same with dps family, nudity is only an issue if it's made into one.... and you ds'are certainly not seeing anything sexual about their mothers body!

i agree your dp should be allowed his privacy, they're not his kids and he's not comfortable with the intrusivness but it is completely and utterly wrong for him to try and make you feel bad about being open and natural with your kids, they came out of your body ffs, why shouldn't they see it?

joelallie · 07/08/2006 15:10

"DP says ...that at 10 DS1 is too old to see me with nothing on. "

I think I would take issue with that. It IS NOT up to your DP to tell you that your children shouldn't see you naked. If it's OK with you and the childrens' father it should be OK with new DP. If your DP wants to cover up in front of the children then that is up to him. You have different attitudes but he can't dictate your relationship with your children.

Original poster
kimi · 08/08/2006 17:25

Thank you all, i sat and had a chat with DS1 today and ask him if seeing me in the buff upset him or embarest him and that i would cover up if it did, but he said no he did not mind and i was left wondering if (as its something he has grown up with) i should not of mentioned it as he might NOW think its an issue when it was not before. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh,

OP posts:
rabbitrabbit · 08/08/2006 19:38

Hi Kimi, I don't think you've caused any problems if all you've done is have a brief conversation about it.
I also don't believe that your sons have any issue with it-it's your dp that's struggling with it so perhaps he needs to tell you what, medium ground solution, would make him comfortable.
I think suddenly covering up and an issue being made of it is what will cause problems for your children not your having a motherly chat

PinkTulips · 08/08/2006 21:30

agree with rabbit, tbh he's probably already aware that some parents cover up more than others as kids do tend to talk about stuff like that so it won't have caused any issues. still feel it's your dp's issue, not yours or your sons and you shouldn't even be worrying about it

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