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Original poster

Friendship dilemma!

23 replies

EvesMama · 03/08/2006 19:45

been invited to friends wedding aug 07, its in cyprus and will cost over £2000 (money we dont have) just for hol, then clothes, spending money, taxi's etc etc..
we really do want to go but as we've just moved what little money we have is been eaten up by house, so weve agreed to let them know once i start childminding and iff it then seems feasable money wise...however
dp has breifly suggested a weekedn in centerparcs if we can get a cheapy..something which would still make us skint/be paid for by mr mastercard
but all stress of ove and my hosp app, he thinks it would be good timing and would only cost tiny fraction of what cyprus next year would cost....

a: what do i say to friend
b: will she thinnk im being a cow and spending money on other stuff instead of her wedding??

OP posts:

Carmenere · 03/08/2006 19:48

Oh Evesmamma your friend won't mind at all, would you? No, go to Centreparcs and enjoy it.

sunnydelight · 03/08/2006 19:54

Anyone who gets married abroad has to accept that it just won't be possible for some people to attend unless they are sending tickets and promises of accommodation with the invites Personally I would tell your friend that you would love to attend but you just can't afford it and can't get yourself into the situation where it is causing you a lot of stress. If she is a proper friend she will completely understand that, even if she is a bit disappointed. Sounds like you need a holiday now!

Lio · 03/08/2006 19:55

No, if she's really your friend she'll be absolutely fine about it. She must have known that although it's her dream wedding some of her friends and family (dare I say quite a lot) would naturally not be able to make it. We are also planning on Centerparcs short break off-season

SenoraPostrophe · 03/08/2006 19:57

it's not unreasonable to not spend 2k on a wedding. if she hates you for it she's not worth having as a friend imho. she probably won't though. but she also probably won't have many guests at her wedding.

Chandra · 03/08/2006 19:57

A) the truth,
B) No, she will understand. My bestfriend couldn't come to my wedding because she had just got her mum a luxury fitted kitchen. I understood that having a wedding abroad and expecting all invitees to come was simply impossible. I think that is part and parcel of planning a wedding abroad that many of your friends will not show up.

Chandra · 03/08/2006 19:59

Oh, and also half of my family couldn't make it but as I said, I was not even expecting that those who did show up were going to make it [bluff]

SSSandy · 03/08/2006 20:03

It's ok not to go but I would phone and wish her luck on the morning of her wedding. I'd go to a lot of trouble with the present too, although I'm always stumped for ideas. It's a big thing for her so I think as a friend, I'd make some kind of a special effort but I wouldn't go overseas for a wedding TBH

apronstrings · 03/08/2006 20:06

We wouldn't be able to afford it - and would just explain to our friends. they should understand - surely not many people have a spare two grand lying around..or do they?

I am guessing you are not expecting your centreparc weekend to cost 2000.

Lio · 03/08/2006 20:06

Good idea about making it a special present or finding a way to contact her that morning or perhaps night before to send all good wishes. Perhaps a surpise massage at the hotel a couple of days before the wedding?

Chandra · 03/08/2006 20:11

My friend did something really nice before I left for the wedding (I was not comming back BTW), she contacted all the persons who had been my "bestfriend" since I was 12 yrs old, and arranged to meet in a restaurant, it was a fantastic gift, I had lost contact with many of them and it was such a special surprise to see them all together! (I still feel weepy when I think about it)

Original poster

EvesMama · 03/08/2006 20:22

at first we said 'YES' then explained to them we had lots of previously unknown stuff to do in house and said wed see if c.m takes off..but would feel rotton saying oh by the way i no we said we couldnt aford to come to your wedding but were off to centerparcs

OP posts:

Chandra · 03/08/2006 20:28

I wouldn't worry so much, I would bet that she is not expecting you to put your life in hold because of her wedding. Do you need to tell her now that you are not attending? If not so... I would tell her after the break.

Chandra · 03/08/2006 20:29

And most people say yes and later say no, don't worry. She will understand and be sure you won't be the only one.

Tinker · 03/08/2006 20:29

But cp is cheaper? Wouldn't feel bad, it's the risk you take having a wedding abroad. We turned down one in Austria this summer but still going on holiday (cheap hol)

lemonaid · 03/08/2006 20:33

If your friend is a good friend she is not going to expect you to confine yourself to your house for the next year wearing only random scraps of sacking and eating only bread and water just so that you can go to her wedding. You need some kind of break before this time next year, and your DH is not suggesting frittering away thousands on a luxury cruise on the QE2 or a personal jet to Richard Branson's private island, he's suggesting a cheapy weekend in CentreParcs. As you point out, it will be a tiny fraction of what Cyprus would cost. I can't imagine why she could be upset by that.

SSSandy · 03/08/2006 20:35

If you're concerned about her reaction - is it even necessary to tell her you're spending a weekend at centrepark?

edam · 03/08/2006 20:37

Seriously, she can't object to you having a weekend break in Centerparcs. Or if she does, she's mad. Not many people have £2k lying around, if you choose to get married abroad, you know that many people won't be able to come.

Original poster

EvesMama · 03/08/2006 20:54

i know and she has told me she understands if we say no as lots of her friends and family have say no cos of money or hols already booked, but i felt privelidged to be invited(only 30 asked) and am friends with all their family..plus as her sis is my best bud, ccenterparcs trip would def get back to her and dont want her to think we're slinking off and just saying no to be arsy?

OP posts:

Chandra · 03/08/2006 20:55

Don't get overworked about your friend... she may be expecting it. It will be OK, honest!

WideWebWitch · 03/08/2006 21:41

Go to Centeparcs, tell friend you can't afford to go and don't worry, I agree, if she's a friend she will understand.

clairemow · 03/08/2006 22:03

Centerparcs will cost nothing like £2000 - I don't think your friend will be upset - she wouldn't want you not to do anything nice at all between now and Aug 07 just because of her wedding. Go to CP, but be honest with your friend, don't try and hide going. You need a break now, and this is one you can afford - very different to a holiday in Cyprus.

Have a lovely time. Isn't Mr Mastercard great?!

Original poster

EvesMama · 04/08/2006 08:23

thanks

just that we really want to go but as things stand if i dont get work even by going to centerparcs, it would make no difference to us presently being able to go or not.
think she may be coming round today and i know quite rightly its going to be all chat about wedding..will just have to get excited with her after all its not really going to stop the wedding if i cant go, just her or her dp can do that!

OP posts:

Original poster

EvesMama · 04/08/2006 19:44

friend came round today, showed me were wedding was going to be and we talked about how much we wanted to go, but it really would have to come down to me earning properly..i also said that i didnt want to sacrifice nights/days out with them and have to put all the major house stuff on hold..i laughingly told her dp said to wait until new year, and she half laughingly said no i need to know sooner??i know she doesnt have to give figures until she actually 'gets' there, but i cant blame her for wanting to know whats going on and who's def or def not going.
thing is if i get 2-3 children to look after mainly full time, we can go..but i cant forsee if that will happen.so...
had a nice afternoon tho', mentioned about centerparcs and explained dp had suggested it to de-stress me and slipped in it would be a cheapy last minute courtesy of almost full mastercard..huff..still feel rotten!

OP posts:

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