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Original poster

Do you write thank you letters, send Christmas cards etc?

41 replies

JoshandJamie · 03/08/2006 16:53

I pride myself of being a fairly good correspondent in that I write thank you letters to people promptly if they have given us gifts or had us over for dinner etc.

I also always try to send invitations or change of addresses or cards or thank yous etc by mail, rather than given them in person or sending email, as I think it's lovely and old fashioned to get mail that isn't a bill through the door. And I always send out Christmas and birthday cards, try to send house warming cards or other special occasion cards where possible.

But it takes a lot of work and costs a fair whack in postage. I sometimes do question the logic of it as it would often be far easier and cheaper to send an email or give a person an invitation or whatever in person when next I see them.

To me though, it just doesn't feel as nice. Yet I've noticed a decided lack or at least a lessening of cards/letters in return. I know my friends and family in South Africa think I'm barking mad - mainly because the postal system there sucks, but also no-one would ever dream of writing a thank you letter. But I expected more people in the UK to do it.

So do you write letters etc? Is it old fashioned and a waste of money or a custom that should be continued?

OP posts:
SSSandy · 03/08/2006 17:07

I rarely write. Don't send birthday cards but I do send a few Christmas cards. Not many TBH. I don't send thank you cards for presents since I thank the person directly when we receive them. I do write though to thank people who've sent parcels from overseas.

Skribble · 03/08/2006 17:12

I try to but a severe memory problem often means I forget and I have piles of unsent well intentioned Christmas cards

WideWebWitch · 03/08/2006 17:24

I don't write thank you cards, I only wrote Christmas cards last year because I wanted to let some of my family know we'd got married and I don't write letters, I write emails.

I do, however, use moonpig to send personalised cards but direct from them, I don't sign them - you can choose for them to be sent direct to Moonpig or to be sent to you for signature.

sobernow · 03/08/2006 17:26

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WideWebWitch · 03/08/2006 17:28

Gawd, second post, those were the days...

eenywifemum · 03/08/2006 17:30

I do all that too but I am 27 so it cant just be a generational thing. But I was raised in a different part of the world where I was taught 'etiquette'. Having said that I havent always done it flawlessly I have missed bdays, anniversaries etc in the past although not for a long time.

tenalady · 03/08/2006 17:31

Well I am scaling down my Christmas card list cos if everyone is like me I cant be bothered to move them to dust so I just look at them but dont put them out.

I always write thankyou cards for ds pressies and that includes the birthday parties too. I dont think I have had one thank you letter in return for a birthday present

I will continue this tradition cos if i stop my ds will not know to continue it when Im kicking the daisies up!! This is true of too many traditions in this country, lost forever, even the girls dont know how to cook with fresh ingredients.

tenalady · 03/08/2006 17:31

never mind make a cup of tea in the teapot!!!

lindac · 03/08/2006 17:32

im in my early 4os and i do it mostly i get the kids to do them when they was given gifts etc when they was younger but now they growing up not as much

piglit · 03/08/2006 17:33

I always do thank you letters for pretty much everything and it really narks me when other people don't.

sobernow · 03/08/2006 17:33

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eenywifemum · 03/08/2006 17:33

I must say a pet peeve of mine is we have some neices we never see but we send them presents every year. We have never even had an acknowledgement that they have been received let alone a thank you. I think that is really AWFUL behaviour and very bad parenting as it teaches the children that they are somehow 'owed' presents and do not need to be coureous enough to say thank you. Wouldnt have to be written - a phone call would make my day!

Bozza · 03/08/2006 17:34

But that is what I like about Christmas card. A month without dusting!

tenalady · 03/08/2006 17:38

two months in my house Bozza, Im one of these that put decs up end of november and not down till 12 night Jan. I do like a bit of sparkle and glitter at Christmas and I like to extend my fantasy.

Original poster
JoshandJamie · 03/08/2006 17:57

I'm not 40 - 33. And to be honest, am not sure where I learned it from because neither of my parents write letters or thank yous. But I just think it's something that should be done so do it.

OP posts:
Chandra · 03/08/2006 18:04

I think I am a very good letter writer, I like to send long and very specific letters, however I have to say that I really don't understand the process of having to send so many cards, ie. Birthday party invitation>
confirmation of attendance<
card to attach to the gift even if birthday child is only one year old <
and then sent a thank you letter for gifts received.... >>>>>>>YAwn!

I like simple things, in my perfect little world - Invitations and confirmations would be done via same telephone call. A simple tiny to-from card would be attached to the gift, and the invitees would receive a thank you gesture in the likes of a party bag. I really don't understand the sending of so many cards when children can not even read. I would very much prefer to buy a better gift for the child rather than spending almost half the budget in a card and send a crappy toy that will be broken before the end of the week.

Thank you cards after an inventation are the ones I find more irritating... probably because where I come from the way to say thank you for an invitation is to invite those people in return.

But the worse is receiveing a card of any denomination where the sender was only bothered to sign his/her name at the end of some prefabricated text (particularly hideous poems)
Those I find even offensive.

Not a card fan, am I?

So, not old fashioned, but I found this particular cultural manifestation very fiddlesome.

Chandra · 03/08/2006 18:05

I think this thread has moved so much since I started to write my previous post....

hollyhobbie · 03/08/2006 18:59

I'm 34 and I do exactly the same as you, J&J... and it really bothers me when people don't respond in kind. I find it so lazy when I've made (I make my cards, but that's mainly because I'm a graphic designer and enjoy the challenge!) 50 Christmas cards, to then recieve e-cards back... sorry to all who send e-cards, but I just can't feel it's the same thing.

clairemow · 03/08/2006 19:21

I always write thank you letters or emails for presents for DS/us, as people have spent time and effort and money buying things for him/us, and I think it's polite. And I write them all myself, not a typed thing with a signature. But don't send birthday cards to lots of people, do send Xmas ones though, as with some people that's the only time we are in touch and catch up.

FIL says cards are a "commercial racket" - bah humbug - but it is lovely to receive them, so perhaps I should send more letters and cards - but the best ones are the ones that arrive for no reason whatsoever.

sobernow · 03/08/2006 19:51

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sunnydelight · 03/08/2006 19:59

I always acknowledge presents and say thank you if someone has us over but it is normally by phone, text or e-mail. Sorry, but I think modern methods are acceptable in modern times. Letters and cards are lovely, but they originate from when there was no other option. As long as the thank you is communicated somehow I think that is perfectly acceptable.

Chandra · 03/08/2006 20:03

I just ring and say thanks, now, for the few British people I know... I follow the protocol and send the cards...sigh!

Coolmama · 03/08/2006 20:49

Hi J&J - we may well have grown up in the same SA household - a fair amount of correspondence in our house as I was growing up and am now very good about writing thank-yous for dinners, gifts etc - I find I am always touched by someone who has taken the time to write a note to say thank you or whatever and so I hope that my notes have the same effect -

  • 2 best correspondors I have are two girlfriends - one is English and the other is also South African!
  • my pet peeve - thank you txts - completely piss me off !!!! If you have the time to txt, then you have two minutes to call or leave a msg,!!!!
SSSandy · 03/08/2006 21:06

Interesting to see the different responses. Been thinking about this. Actually I like receiving birthday or Christmas cards but I honestly don't like thank you cards. I'd much prefer someone to call. Wonder why that is.

bettythebuilder · 03/08/2006 21:52

I always (try!) to sent Birthday cards, Christmas cards and Thank You cards, and I do get a bit miffed when I get either nothing in return, or a photocopied 'insert name here' reply or thank you. Probably because I put a lot of effort into my correspondence.

However I am absolutely rubbish at phoning friends, because the phone scares me a bit, and that must drive my friends mad ( a few live pretty far away, probably to escape the mad phone-phobic woman)