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Blu back, one thread only for now, but will take questions.

70 replies

Blu · 02/08/2006 00:32

OK.

Had a message from someone not on the therad to say there is a lot of upset caused by my leaving, and what I said. I have skim read some threads just now, and am v tired, so apologise for missing info / incoherency.

I decided to leave - for then, for as long as it felt right, maybe for good, for a few reasons. Spending too much time, but also the way i felt i was spending it.

I was concerned / upset / sometimes angry at the way some posters were getting treated. i am a fan of robust debate, don't atke stuff personally myself (much) and don't usually get into rows. But I kept seeing people's spats (feindly or hostile0 careering across threads and taking over threads of new and shaky people. Stuff that I thought was insensitive. Don't need to go over it and resurrect it!

I have been fed up about the tone of some threads, and the way context is (can be) ignored.

My reaction to the 'junk' thread was accumulative, and not all about moondog. Language is important. One day, some of us were pointing out to the Beeb that thier headline about death after bf-ing was inflammatory, the next we are being told (by some - some of the same posters) that Moondog's thread title was ok and it is basically the fault of the reader if they get upset. I am talking about the effect of words in the title, not the notion of linking the article or having a factual discussion about it.

I was incensed by your bringing up of the SN thread title, Greensleeves, because that seemed exactlly a case in point about double standards - one title is ok, one is not, you can decide Fios title was not ok, but that moondogs was completely different, and I was angry that you appeared to be defending a position you didn't even have much sympathy with in order to support moondog.

By the by. You are not the reason I decided to leave that night. It was the tone of Mn in general - some of the things that have been said on a thread started by MI. And I shouldn't have made presumptions about your relationship with special needs, my irritation was about what i perceived to be double standards in what was ok to post, and where you had apparantly decided that someone else was NOT alowed to post something v close to their heart, but moodog COULD post something that may be very close to trampling on someone else's heart. Not by posting the link, but by using words like 'peddle' and 'junk'.

For the rest, we'll see. MN has been brilliant for me, it si brilliant. But in truth I haven't enjoyed it as much recently because of things I intervened to say on threads at the time, or because of things which have been talked about generally this week. But charging off in a fit of fury isn't the best way to make it better, more suportive or more generally fun (for all) - i knw that.

I have come back because i am sorry that my exit has caused knock-on problems.

And just to clarify, I'm not talking as an SN member. My visits there about ds are specifically about containable issues, i don't live the life of Fio or Jimjams, not at all.

Have not previewed this....will be unintelligble...

OP posts:
fairyfly · 02/08/2006 01:41

fuck blu, i didn't even know you had left, don't, you're ace

FioFio · 02/08/2006 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

batters · 02/08/2006 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 02/08/2006 09:08

Fio it is not your fault.

fennel · 02/08/2006 09:09

I hope you don't go Blu

mumsnet is losing too many of the sort of poster which enticed me in here.

fennel · 02/08/2006 09:10

or who enticed me in here. grrr.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2006 09:16

WB, Blu.

Hope you hang round.

ks · 02/08/2006 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/08/2006 09:16

Blu - I'd hate to think that you weren't going to be around so much. I'm not here enough to 'get' or comment even, on all the goings on, just saw that you were off and selfishly thought 'Noooooooooo'.

I hope you are going to stick around and if you decide not to please mail me, jaxp63 at hotmail dot com. I want to keep up with boy Blu's progress.

Gobbledigook · 02/08/2006 09:22

Blu, I wholeheartedly agree with how you feel but hope, as a respected and valued member of MN, you can find away to 'rise above it' and continue to contribute.

I have felt bullied (yes, honestly) and been personally attacked on such threads in the past but realise that this should remain the problem of the person 'bullying' rather than mine. So I've continued to post and enjoy MN while, mainly, avoiding the inflammatory threads and the people who clearly have no respect for other posters.

Gobbledigook · 02/08/2006 09:23

Oh, I know you didn't say you were bullied by the way - purely talking about my own feelings there but in relation to similar threads.

edam · 02/08/2006 09:28

Am sorry about this, Blu. Hope you feel able to come back soon, you'll be missed.

Tyedye · 02/08/2006 10:22

Message withdrawn

Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 10:30

I hope you come back, Blu. You are very much missed.xx

flutterbee · 02/08/2006 10:46

Blu don't dissapear into cyber space your views are very much wanted and respected, I whole heartedly agree with what you have said about MN recently and have found myself jumping into threads to try and help posters who I know are pretty new and are being totally bullied and patronised, I have lost my temper once on MN and shortly after apologised to the poster and I bare no grudge against her (she knows who she is if she is reading "hello") This bullying and down right rudeness has to stop.

Greeny - dont you go anywhere, the first and only person to ever call me a troll, I hold you close to my heart

LemonTart · 02/08/2006 10:51

Blu please stay.
You put your ideas across so well and often make me stop and think regardless of whether I agree with your POV. I need people like you to make me stop and think

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 02/08/2006 11:15

Blu - in some respects I see what you're saying and I have seen evidence of what you (and MI) are talking about. However, as a voice of reason and informed and often funny comments, leaving isn't the answer. Not for the rest of us, anyway. MN will be a poorer place without you. After MI's thread I went back and looked at the junk thread and I hope you don;t mind me saying that I was quite taken aback by your post. What you've put here puts it in context a bit - ie that it had a cummulative trigger and you'd had a drink - but it did sound very (uncharacteristically?) angry and I couldn't see quite what had made you feel so strongly. I personally feel a bit scared that the junk thread - and maybe others like it - might get blown out of all proportion - not the thread itself, but the implications for the rest of mn, iyswim. In the last few months I have realised how much a part of my rl mn is. But mn can only be as good as we make it. If, like me, you would like to see an mn continue that is funny, informed, diverse and interesting, peppered with high emotion but always getting over itself and picking itself up again, then stay. It would make me very very sad, if people I respect and whose posts I enjoy reading leave, to the extent that the character of the place changes. It doesn't need to happen.

SenoraPostrophe · 02/08/2006 11:20

remember, blue that it is silly season.

we'll all be much more grown up about things come september, I'm sure. hope to see you then .

Heathcliffscathy · 02/08/2006 11:23

she isn't leaving is she? she is staying? i thought that was the upshot of this thread that she was back?

please please don't leave blu, mn will absolutely not be anything like as fun and supportive a place without you.

anorak · 02/08/2006 12:11

I believe that it's inevitable that from time to time we will say things that get on each others' nerves, we're just a cross-section of ordinary parents, not trained diplomats, not even especially "good" people. It's inevitable that sometimes we will upset one another or become very angry about something someone else has said. I think blu starting this thread to try and talk and resolve the upset is the mature way to handle it.

I also thing fio has a point on her other threads about the effect the absence of moderators has had on the site as a whole. It's very evident how many respected members have been upset recently and it's not unreasonable to think that the lack of moderators might be a contributory cause.

And I very much dislike the point of view that anyone on the internet may not deserve concern and respect simply because you can switch off your terminal and forget them. However much one might like to play mind games with one's self, we are all totally real people writing these posts, with the same sensitive feelings as anyone you meet face to face.

If I ever feel pissed off enough to feel like leaving (which isn't often), I try to remember that it's usually only one or two people who've upset me, and that they may not even have realised my sensitivities, or may have posted without thinking. I feel I can't throw away all the other wonderful people I know on this site because one or two are being insensitive. Just as I wouldn't sever contact with my entire family if I had an argument with one of them.

However, never say never, it could happen to any one of us, no one knows, do they? Which to me is just another reason why we should try not to be judgmental, but supportive and accepting of one another.

I hope no one leaves.

Blu · 02/08/2006 13:34

Womanwhothoughtshewasahot -you are right, It was uncharacteristic of me, and one of the reasons I felt I should leave - at least for a good while - was that i had failed to 'rise above it', felt pretty damn ashamed, and felt hugely increased admiration for TikTok, who had dealt with her feelings in a constructive manner. Or - no point me having a problem with Moondog, or whoever, expressing things in a way which doesn't enable people to listen - and then me doing the same thing if not worse!!!!

No point me staying if i have reached the position where I am part of the problem, iyswim! But I will stay, lots of people have said sensible, wise and constructive things about life on Mn...I am quite busy with RL atm, so will be a bit background, anyway, for a bit. Good for sense of perspective.

Thanks to all for your patience and generosity.

And Saggar - have looked at another thread, and if nothing else, your post about those 3mm would have brought me straight back. I will e mail you!

GS I hope you are ok. It's a new day.

OP posts:
ruty · 02/08/2006 14:33

please don't leave Blu. You really are a voice of reason on MN. Blimey. I'd only just got over the shock of Jimjams leaving [thank goodness she came back] and now you! I'm a bit confused over the whole thing, but can totally see what you are saying. I think I am learning to behave less like a prat on MN - slowly.

ruty · 02/08/2006 14:34

oh you've already said you won't leave. That is typical of me - always trailing after the popular ones...

katierocket · 02/08/2006 14:41

Blu, not got time to read all this now but please please don't go. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are the voice of reason on MN and would be sorely, sorely missed.

And FWIW I totally understand why that thread and the reaction to your comments riled you enough to think "sod it".

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 02/08/2006 15:04

Blu - what admirable reasoning for thinking you should leave - it makes more sense now - the idea of thinking you weren't up to being above it, rather than leaving precisely because you were above it, seems far more in character. But, you know in your heart that you are far from being part of the problem. I'm glad you'll still be around.