Sad rant - I honestly think kids are selfish and don't care..

[jollymum]

just went to post a whole load of stuff and thought it would start a major rant/dispute. Anyone else (cutting it way short)feel totally undrevalued, taken for greanetd and like a piece of shit? Answers here please. I went away for a week thinking they'd miss me, did they f..k!?! I organised them down to the hilt, dh coped and within 20 mins of being home, all hell let loose. Tonight, 16yr went out (grounded?!) and littlest one played tapes. Not a major problem but when does fing no actually mean fing NO?! Never in this house. I lost it big time and am now thinking of disappearing for the weekend with our only car. I hate the kids, my life and the way I feel I feel turned inside out and wtf do I bother. They don't care so why should I?

Are they all teenagers? They will appreciate you one day, but not for a few years yet. I don't think anyone fully understand what their mum did for them until they have their own.
(and I don't give them very often!)

Nope but I am one of those people who would die for their kids. My mum(s) were the same and I wante to be there for them. I know I have lots to be grateful for but I never realised my kids were so hard nosed and unfeeling towards me. My little one said he didn;t care if I cried and HA HA it was funny. I ignore it mostly because it's bravado but lately things are shite and it hurts so much. I want to die ( sort of ) to make them realise now how much I hurt and that they can't take things back once they are said. No-one apolgises either so it leaves a grim atmosphere. I was going to bed but can't sleep. DH is watching TV, littlest one is having a battle even now about his bedroomm light and DD has gone to bed crying. Oldest wnt out without permission and hasn't spoken to me and I feel like fing off and leaving

I didn't raise them to be like this and feel like I'm the failure here

No advice, Jollymum but I couldn't leave your thread without posting. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. xxx

I really did read somewhere that teenager's brains work like toddlers' i.e. they place themselves at the centre of the universe and can't empathise. Think of them as overgrown toddlers. It will pass. In the meantime find some coping strategies - massage? exercise class? and leave them to it. Maybe you and dd could do something together?

There is a book out atm called (I think) Whatever which is like Toddler Taming for teenagers. Might be worth a look?

jollymum, I think I am a basically good person and yet I was a little cow when I was a teenager, it was like a stranger inhabited my body for three years. I am more like the person I was as a child than as a teenager. You have done a grwat job and they won't be like it forever.

Sorry feeling sad and hoping to sleep. Take no notice of not so jollymum. DH woke me up last night at 2am (he fell asleep outside on the patio and banged on the window. By the time I'd woken up, thought it was a burglar and grabbed a statue to protect my ungrateful children, he'd come in the otherway and givem me heart failure. He wa so fing lucky not to have been bashed with a cast iron statue!) Couldn't sleep all night then, felt sick and stressed about stuff.Tired and one of trhe little toerags has given me nits. Oh joy, my life is complete

sorry to hear that you are being taken completely for granted

Thanks guys. They're 7, 11 13 and 16. Fell like a used peice of poo and not loved at all. Not wanted just official pant cleaner and PE kit provider. Of course if they forget it's my fault (maybe I should do the detention, bad mother that I am!)
.

Try being selfish for a week ,that will sort em out!
"mum ,whens dinner ready ?"
"what ? sorry dinner? oh no my pampering schedule wont allow for that"

It's the lack of respect and I swore I wouldn't shhout and scare them (like I was scared of one of my mums but loved her to bits) She's dead now and I keep saying to them, don't say nasty things to anyone or easch other because one day it might be too late and you'll njever be able to take those words back. I cried at school on the last day, someone there has twins and as they parted for seperate classes, one said "I love you" to her twin[shock} Mine are evil to each other and joke(I think?!) about having each other's beds if they die.

Went away for a week and slept so much. Was virtually exhausted and didn't miss them at all. Felt guilty about that but thought I'd be a better mum for it. Came home, nearly cried on the plane and as I said, within 20 mins felt gutted again with the aruing and DD wished I'd stayed away

going to bed, so sad it hurts. Sorry to have offloaded but can't type for tears. Will be starting a bad mothers club in the morning Love my kids, why don't they love me and show it?

sorry you're feeling so sad.

jollymum, your dd sounds really unhappy. Is she having problems at school or something?

Have you teied telling them that you love them every time they say something nasty? Might embarrass them into silence if nothing else!

jollymum- can you go away and pamper yourself for a weekend with a friend? I know that when I'm feeling down then I get floored by mindless stuff whereas when I'm in a "good place" I just laugh at it.

I think children of this age are incredibly selfish, it's nothing you've done. ds2 will say he loves ds3 and give him a hige cuddle, then try to strangle him 5 mins later, don't worry about the twins thing.

jollymum, of course they love you. They know how much you love them and that is why they treat you badly - they offload alll their hurts onto you because they know you'll never let them down.

Hope you get a good night's sleep xxx

oh just read the thing about being away. Actually I think coming home and back into all the shit can be really hard. Give yourself time to get back into it. You do sound exhausted, can you get a regular break (evening class? health club? go for a swim? etc)

And if they are in a toddler/teenage phase then maybe they are testing you after being away by being extra difficult.