I've just opened the Telewest bill and discovered that dp has been ordering porn

[ImReallyHurt]

I have just opened the Telewest bill and discovered that dp has ordered 5 films, 4 days in arow and then one last week. I'm really really hurt.
When I spoke to him he was just jokey about it until I said how hurt I am.
I'm not a prude and I don't mind him watching the odd porn film, but I just think this is really sleezy. Ordering that many and wanking off downstairs whilst I am asleep upstairs. I thought he was working FFS!!
Apart from anything else we are really skint and he spends £35 like this.

i just feel really fat and unattractive and I've really been making an effort to get back some of the intimacy that has been missing from our relationship, and now this.

I didnt want to just skip over this thread but not sure what to say. Im not making excuses because what he did was really deceitful and hurtful to you. He is only human though and most guys at some time or other do porn IMO.
But Im feeling your pain and can understand you being upset. (((((BIG HUGS)))

he obviously didnt care in that,he kinda knew you'd open the bill and see the order history there?
ask him straight up whats up and what do you need to do together

I was going to post a few minutes ago and didn't really know what to say either and the one thing i did want to say well i wasn't sure how it would be taken, I would be peed off if my dh did this and tbh i would rather him be honest and say he wanted to watch them and also to ask me I wanted too (sorry about that bit) ask him if he really needs to watch so many

Thanks all. Yes I agree he did know that I would see it on the bill and he obviously diddn't think I would mind In fact I'm surprised I mind so much.
I'm also a bit embarassed because my 17 yr old dss was beside me when I opened the bill and I naturally asked him had he been ordering movies (not copping on at this stage that it was porn!). He said no and I looked again at the time and dates and figured it out and then rang his dad and have been crying so unless he is dim he will have put 2 and 2 together and figured it out

i don't think blokes think about how it could affect a relationship, if he understands how much it has hurt you, maybe he'll stop? try not to take it personally

I know you are right but I just feel like a total failure, I know that's irrational, but I do.

it's not irrational at all, are you going to have a talk about it? blokes can be a bit insensitive

He is going to say that I am emotionally unavailable to him and that basically I don't put out as much as he would like . This is his trump card every time we argue But actaully for the past couple of months thats not even true.

I'd be more worried if he was being secretive about it

tell him he has to make the effort too! men sometimes think you can just switch it on and off

Yep, I think I am going to pull myself together now and just get on with it. It's not the end of the world and we will probably get over it. Thanks for the advice everyone. Still feel shit about myself but I will probably just have to talk it out with him

but let him know how much it has upset you! and don't feel bad about yourself

He needs to make an effort too. If you already feel fat and unattractive (which is how I feel at times to be honest) what is he doing to help you change that image of yourself and feel a bit more special? Does he for example ever bring you flowers, give you a cuddle, tell you he loves you or even just run you a bath and say go and relax for a while?
Most men look at porn and it doesn't mean they don't love their partner. However, if that partner is already feeling neglected and unlovely its not nice to discover it. Not to mention spending £35 that you could ill afford -I'd be furious too as this would be alot of money for us as well.
Would you/he consider relationship counselling to try and find out where the spark has gone and to attempt reigniting it. It might help having someone outside of the relationship listening to both of you and helping.

I agree he does need to make more of an effort!!We tried councelling once before and I had thought it had worked actually, wrong obviously. I think I will go and see about gettign some more, thanks again everyone, it's appreciated.