Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Help needed from clever wordsmiths please!

74 replies

marthamoo · 03/03/2004 09:39

This is on behalf of my brother! He is doing the wedding invitations for his friend and has done the formal bit "request the pleasure of" blablah. They aren't having a wedding list as such, but want to include a little card with words to the effect that while all they want really is for people to come and share their special day IF people want to get a gift they would like vouchers from X and Y.

I'm a bit stuck...maybe something along the lines of:

Eric and Ermintrude just want you to come and be a part of their special day but if you would like to..[and that's where I'm stuck!]

It's hard to word - it's like "we don't want presents (well, of course we do, everyone likes pressies, but it's a bit cheeky as we've been living together for years) but we know you'll probably want to get us one so in that case we'd like vouchers from X&Y"

Better wording ideas please!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/03/2004 08:06

What's appalling taste about a wedding list? I'd much rather buy a gift that I know the recipients want and will use/enjoy rather than inflicting my taste on them. IMHO It's simply practical, not bad taste at all.

I think we had 4 or 5 gifts which were not from our list and without exception, they were not to our taste and have been shoved in a cupboard.

bossykate · 04/03/2004 08:30

completely agree, soupdragon, and the sad thing is some of the gifts we got off list were quite expensive too. i prefer to buy an object rather than vouchers and think it is in bad taste to ask for money or non-traditional gifts. i also think making a big deal of not having a wedding list or asking for a gift comes across as incredibly holier than thou - and always irritates me - just a form of showing off...

Davros · 04/03/2004 09:03

I don't think having a wedding list is bad taste at all, in fact I think its rather good manners I just don't like putting a gift list or info WITH the invitatin. I don't like the halfway house of "we're not just after gifts, but we wouldn't say no but we can't accept it enough to go to the trouble of making a list to help you out"!

WideWebWitch · 04/03/2004 09:24

OK, a question for you all then on taste etc. Dp and I have been invited to a wedding, evening do only but have been invited to buy something from the wedding list. At Argos (yuk! But I suppose it'll potentially be cheap), now is it just me or does this seem a bit cheeky? It's miles away so going would involve a babysitter for 2 children (who aren't invited, fair enough), an overnight stay, driving 300 miles and buying a present. I'm a bit offended on dp's behalf since these are quite old friends and I think he should have been invited to the service too but hey, we don't know their reasons I suppose. So actually, that's not what I'm asking, what do you all think re evening do only and still buying a present? We will of course but just interested.

aloha · 04/03/2004 09:47

www, yes I would, but not an expensive one. The alternative is not to go, which also sounds tempting (citing practical reasons involving children and overnight stays), but to invite them to your house for dinner soon after the wedding for some champagne, or take them out to dinner as a present. After all, if you aren't invited to the ceremony, what's so important about going?

SenoraPostrophe · 04/03/2004 09:48

this thread is fascinating.

I'm looking for wedding invites now - think we'll make our own as they are all hideous/too schmaltzy/expensive. Was vaguely thinking of putting a very broad wedding list online - with a very clear statement that these are just ideas, and that we don't expect anything (people are going to have to pay lots of money just to come after all). Should I not do that?

www - it depends on what kind of do it is doesn't it? If it's just a disco then yes, it's cheeky. But will you have a meal? I would possibly be inclined to buy something not on the list but that's just me.

Davros · 04/03/2004 09:55

I like aloha's suggestions.
I don't like invites only to part of the event and we had all the same people for the sit down do and then the shindig after. It was only 80, very carefully selected, people. We also had the ceremony in the morning and told people they could come if they wanted (all the family came and a few close friends) but we really wanted them to come to the party (all of it!) but it was clear that there would be a long gap and they needed to take this into account. We had a lovely time between the ceremony and the party, lolling in our posh hotel room and then got a white taxi to and from the do. One reason for splitting it up was that the ceremony was in a grotty registry office (only choice for us in those days) and therefore couldn't be late enough in the day to go straight on to an evening do without organising something inbetween.

WideWebWitch · 04/03/2004 10:04

I don't like this being invited to only part of it either although I do understand why people do it and in fact I had to do it when I married ex dh since the registry office only held 60. I think we may decline this one actually, or dp will go on his own. I get the impression it's just a disco evening do so I suspect it'll be a paying bar too so though it's cheeky I suppose we'll send a present anyway if dp goes. I don't feel inclined to use up any favours with my mum and babysitting overnight for this one. Senora, oooh, didn't know you 2 were getting married, please start a thread so we can all get involved like we did for Enid

Northerner · 04/03/2004 10:11

WWW I think if you do decide to go then you should buy a gift, but only a cheap one (say £10/£15?) When I got married people who couldn't afford a great deal gave us what ever they could afford in pesatas as spending money on our honeymoon. It was a lovely idea and we had a lovely meal with wine from these contributions.

I used to work as a wedding planner and am well aware of all the pitfalls regarding ettiquette atc. Having organised upwards of 100 weddings (including my own!) one thing I have learnt is never to criticise how anyone else does it. Weddings are pretty stressful to organise and someone is always peed off about something, but at the end of teh day it is about the bride and groom - no one else and they are usually the people paying!

Northerner · 04/03/2004 10:14

Maybe people are invited to evening do's ony due to budgetry constraints. Guests at the service usually attend the wedding breakfast also which costs at least 3 times as much as an evening buffet per head.

bossykate · 04/03/2004 10:26

yes, northerner, you are right. i do envy you your job - i think i would love to be an events organiser. i imagine the hours aren't great though, are they?

JanZ · 04/03/2004 10:29

I put together a "Not the Wedding List", which gave some of our preferences. Dh didn't want me to do even that - although he did put together a list of wines he fancied!

Here's the format I used (nicely laid out on a single page in a Word document :

?Not the Wedding List?
Jan?s Unofficial Wedding List (?but Stephen will like them anyway!)
Any good wine! (separate list available!)
Riedel glasses (any type, any wine!)
Dartington Rachel (claret jug) decanter
Champagne Rapid-Ice
etc etc (an range of things from a few pounds to a bit more expensive)

It finished with
NO Carriage clocks!
NO Cut crystal glasses
NB: If you already have an idea, then go with it and please don?t feel you have to get something
on the list. This is only to help if you genuinely don?t have any ideas.
Paintings, pottery, sculpture, ornaments etc are more personal things that would be very welcome.

I then suggested they contact my best friend, who was keeping the "master" list. I only gave it out to people who explicitly asked for it.

As we were an "older couple", we also already had a fully equipped house, so didn't NEED anything.

It worked quite well - the one carriage clock we did get (from my work) was actually very nice and we do use it. We also got some cut crystal whisky glasses - which dh really likes to use.

It's an awkward one - the etiquette of this. Personally, I don't like buying off a wedding list and will ususally get people a "luxury" like pretty candlesticks, an ornament (if I know them well enough) or a wine decanter - but then, all my friends who've got married have been properly "established" and didn't need the basics.

Northerner · 04/03/2004 10:30

Bossykate - I used to work much longer hours pre ds, travelling here there and everywhere. Now I'm mostly office based but still get some nice events to work on.

slug · 04/03/2004 11:06

Oooh, SenoraPostrophe, I love this bit. I made our own wedding invites using Microsoft Publisher. The front was a photo of dh and myself (quite drunk) and I printed them out on nice paper that was 3 for the price of 2 at WH Smith. I'm a master at the cheap, personalised wedding!

Davros · 04/03/2004 11:20

I'm going to be helping a friend organise her wedding so I'll move over to any new wedding threads too I orgnanised my own and used to organise events as part of one of my jobs, e.g. company xmas party, sports day, sales conference etc. This friend wants my 8 year old autistic son and another autistic boy she works with to carry the rings at the service!! How sweet is that? It will need more work than anything...

aloha · 04/03/2004 11:27

For our wedding invites I went to a small prontaprint-type company, had white cards with our wording in a pretty typeface in dark pink ink. We didn't write on them at all so no calligraphy or anything. Very cheap but nice.

SoupDragon · 04/03/2004 12:38
MrsCodswallop · 04/03/2004 13:41

we did our own wedding list as nether family lived near the same dept store.
MY Dad was in charge. I certianly dont think that you have to buy a present in lieu of food and drink.

Re evenin g dos I think they are naff and I dont go to them and would never have considered a wedding wher oyu have to buy your own drinks -

We supplied booze from a booz cruise to France and only invited the number we could afford to cater for.

I think people need to remember that these are GIFTS not an entitlement and that you take what you are given if you dont have alist. Imagine if we all made lists of what we would accept fro our birthdays.

VERY rude to inlcude lists with inviations regardless of the inconvenience, weddings ar inconvenient!!

Beetroot · 04/03/2004 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsCodswallop · 04/03/2004 13:49

yes but you take what you can get!
IMVHO

poppyknot · 04/03/2004 13:55

Like littlerach we inserted an extra note. We explained that we didn't have a list as such but put DH's sister's phone number (we volunteered her as list co-ordinator!). She had a list of our 'suggestions' (including vouchers of course!!!) , an up-to-date dictionary etc. We also included a sponsor-a-tree option (DH is a tree fan.....). It worked very well in the end - lots of people bought 'off list' as intended but we got no doubles.

RE Davros friend's wedding with the little boys carrying the rings. We got 8 year old niece to do the same (the best age for it!) and just got our smartest cushion - with tassles - for her to carry.

I am getting all sentimental now...........

aloha · 04/03/2004 13:56

I didn't put anything in about presents - shared MrsCoddy's view entirely - and a couple of people didn't buy us ANYTHING. And they ate and drank themselves stupid and had a lovely time and we even paid for them to stay overnight....grrr. Both, needless to say, were single men, free of the civilising influence of women.

MrsCodswallop · 04/03/2004 13:56

yes just make sure you type the code for your town in it and not the code for Preston..

wonder who did that....

MrsCodswallop · 04/03/2004 13:57

we had a cpouple of those but hey are not frineds of ours now.

Tinker · 04/03/2004 13:59

Agree completely coddy. Weddings are very expensive for the guests anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread