Do you find as you get older that your life is immeasurably more complicated than before, and not in a good way??

[Pruni]

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I have found that with the advent of DS, my life has become a fine juggling act, and a series of trade offs. I will collect from party, can you nip to Sainsburys etc.,

yes, me too. Have had very complicated and difficult few years recently - not all bad, as mostly it's worked out OK, but nothing has been simple or straightforward and it's bloody exhausting sometimes.

But I'm still much happier in myself (and in general) than I was in my much less complicated twenties. It's character building .

my life changed with the children. the stress of mortgage, bills, restarting career, raising children, trying to be decent wife, good friend, nice daughter is exhausting. the thing in my life which have suffered are friendships. I just can't be bothered to put the effort in except with really close friends. I then feel guilty about that which is stupid I know. the whole stress of schools, work, cooking jamie oliver type meals is just crap. we put so much pressure on ourselves.

Yes!
Complications over parents when you have kids, complications over arrangements, childcare, logistics. Complications about work - and although work is impossible with kids, it is because you have kids (and attendant need for roof, food etc etc) that you can't just pack it allin, live on your wits and see if you could take on a new direction. Working to maintain 'partner time', managing people's need to be involved with children - this last birthday w/e of DS's nearly did me in with the number of visitors we had (oh I sound so ungrateful - i'm not, we;re blessed with a wonderful circle of lovely people).

And everything is so sticky and cluttered.

It just all becomes so much more serious as you get older and have more responsibilities, and particularly if you have children, and you don't have the same level of freedom that you might have had before to stop in your tracks and say 'this isn't fun and I'm going to do it differently now'.

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no

can't answer that as I'm a mere 31, but isn't a lot of this because you are more aware of other's heartache etc? You can empathise more because you're more mature, so you know to steer clear of the difficult stuff?

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I know what you mean - there's been a stillbirth, a couple of m/cs, IVF, a couple who may never be able to have children and some unhappily single friends in our circle, and the fallout from MIL and FIL's divorce 10 years ago is still going on, more so now that ds is around and needs to see both of dp's parents .

I think MN has helped me understand a bit more about different POVs - am hopefully becoming a bit less judgemental than before .

Yes
I'm still in my 20s. After DD died everything changed. I have 2 DSs now, huge blessing!
But the world cannot be the same place.
Might be also that as we suffer we realize that other people are going through their own suffering and sometimes it is overwhelming.

Kbear collapses with relief that she is not alone in her complicated, exhausting, emotionally draining life!

I think it's normal tbh Pruni. I don't feel life's particularly complicated atm for me but I think in my early thirties it started to get so: people started dying, divorcing and I wish I could think of an alliterative third d they started doing but I can't! Anyway, you get the picture! I think as we get older the issues become different and somehow more serious because you know you're not immortal any more (not tht any of us are but I used to feel it in my twenties) and I think for me, I've just got used to it. My friends all have isshoos/tragedies/stuff going on but it's ok, we're all dealing with it. And I feel used to being a parent now and so kind of accept the life changing stuff to do with that, mostly. But ds is nearly 9 so I've had some time, you'd bloody hope I was used to it by now

Mumsnet can be depressing sometimes, that's for sure.

god yes.
I was just saying this the other day to someone or other . it's progress, though isn't it? Life seems complicated because it IS complicated. And interesting.
I really feel that I have grown as a person an enormous amount since having children, if that doesn't sound too poncey.
Which it does of course.
I think it gets simpler again later.

God i feel releved after reading this, because i have been thinking about this recently. I am 24 and in the last tree years my life has changed so much. One minute care free spirit (out socialising,college,work and very indapendant) Then i moved out got married had my ds moved house my mum died had my 2nd ds (9wks ago) and all through it its been up and down and i am more worried and stressed. Having children is one of the biggest life changing experiences.
At the moment i dont see anything being easier or getting better in life as such (more deaths to come, more financial strains) god it is damn hard!
However i would never change any of it because it is making me into a stonger person and i am glad i am experiencing this all now as i hope to be stronger to deal with what life throws at me from now on.

no

Yes, but what about later when we all get horrible illnesses and things? Think we have to enjoy this phase as much as we can - before it all gets worse

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