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Original poster

People without kids who think they're experts

19 replies

JoshandJamie · 19/07/2006 18:54

So I have a fairly high maintenance 2.5 year old. He's just a sensitive kid who will make a drama out of anything and tends to be tantrum-tastic. But he's just a regular 2 year old for the most part.

So my sister who doesn't live in this country and my mother who lives even further away and has seen my son once, both apparently believe that he has ADHD. This came up in conversation where I was having a moan about him being a little shit and my mother said: oh, maybe he has ADHD. So I put it down to my mother just being a bit clueless and tactless and negative.

So I tell my younger sister this laughingly (she incidentally doesn't have kids) and she says: oh, I'd agree with mommy. I think he does have ADHD.

I mean a) you don't have kids and don't know what you're talking about b) how friggin insulting.

She is full of other pearls of wisdom like this and it drives me nuts. Until she has kids of her own I don't think she gets a vote. grrr

OP posts:
bluejelly · 19/07/2006 18:56

How annoying for you! How dare they make those judgements without hardly knowing your son? Grrrrrr

colditz · 19/07/2006 19:00

Until she has at least seen a lot of 2 year old boys, she doesn't get a vote. My father keeps saying my 3 year old might have ADHD - he doesn't, no way.

Jbck · 19/07/2006 20:17

Pet hate is one of my friends who doesn't have children advising myself and another couple of friends who all do have kids on child rearing. I'm a bad mother for not giving DD chocolate/sweets & she'll binge when she's older. Just cos that's what happened to her doesn't make my Dd a greedy B
Tell her to take some kind of parenting courses/medical degree & then come back to you.

mytwopenceworth · 20/07/2006 09:35

While i don't think it is 'insulting' to wonder/suggest that a child might have a disability, i do know how infuriating it is when people they know more than you do about your own child!! deep breath and think " (ahem) 'bollards' to you"!!

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/07/2006 09:48

i once heard the sarcastic saying (have to point the sarcasm out, or gets lost in writing) that the best parents are the ones who don;t have kids. say it to your sister - it's a jokey way of telling her to shut tf up.

hunkermunker · 20/07/2006 09:51

Nobody picked up on the OP moaning that her son's a little shit?

Nice way to talk about your son.

Just because you don't have children doesn't mean you can't have an opinion about a child's behaviour - just having grown a placenta doesn't mean you can spot all things ADHD.

Bozza · 20/07/2006 09:54

But hunker while I agree with your last sentence, I think it would be fairly hard to tell from another country.

Original poster
JoshandJamie · 20/07/2006 10:02

Hunkermunker, he's my son and while I might not be a perfect mother (which I assume you are)believe me that when I say he is being a little shit, he is worthy of the title. I'm not saying it to him, I'm letting off steam to my mom after having a seriously crap day. Sue me. I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this.

On the subject of finding it insulting to say that my child as ADHD - I do. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with children who have this - I'm just saying that my family believe his behaviour to be so bad that they think he has a medical condition. Which I find insulting because his behaviour isn't THAT bad. He can just be hard work as any two year old can.

And you might be able to spot a medical condition without growing a placenta yourself, but when you've hardly seen the child it's a bit of a stretch to make the assumption.

OP posts:
FairyMum · 20/07/2006 10:23

I think most people who don't have children assume any 2 year-old has ADHD. Far too early to diagnose something like that anyway, isn't it?

hunkermunker · 20/07/2006 11:06

JaJ, I'm not a perfect mother (far from it!), but I don't refer to either son as "a little shit". I think it's a demeaning and unpleasant way to refer to one's child, that's all. You're hardly calling him that in the heat of the moment by posting it on here, are you?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/07/2006 11:22

hey you two break it up!! as ever I think tone of voice is all important and lost here. It is possible to say "little shit" in a demeaning and unpleasant way. It's also possible to say it in an objective yet affectionate way. It's very difficult to discern the precise intent without the context and without the tone and the whole package. And "little shit" might, for some people always be demeaning, for others it might not. and afaik perfect mothers are banned from mn aren;t they? so no danger of anyone round here falling into that category. (hat wanders off thinking she really ought to get on with her work...)

Original poster
JoshandJamie · 20/07/2006 11:25

Thank you hat. You get it. When I refer to him as a little shit, it is said with a certain amount of affection - same way you'd say little bugger, or little terror or little tyke etc. it's not intended to be demeaning.

But it's good to know that it's not just my family that is judgemental...

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 20/07/2006 11:48
Original poster
JoshandJamie · 20/07/2006 12:05

hope your day gets better.

OP posts:
iamapieceofcheesecake · 20/07/2006 12:15

I know how you feel. My sister doesn't have any children but feels that it is alright to put in her two pence worth whenever she feels like it. She tells me what I should/shouldn't be feeding him, when I should/shouldn't be feeding him etc. The worst thing is my mum seems to agree with her. Last night for example my sister was cutting my mum a piece of cake and ds was whining for some, I told him he couldn't have any but my sister gave him some anyway. When I told her I had already told him no (which was in front of her!) my mum told me in rather a harsh and raised voice "A little won't hurt"! What sort of message is this going to send my son?! She also seems to say the opposite when I tells him he can have something. Who's raising this child, me or you people. I can only imagine she is trying to rectify her own mistakes through me. It makes me so angry!!!

KBear · 20/07/2006 12:24

As my colleague who doesn't have kids said to me last week when I was upset about something to do with my son....

"No one said it was going to be easy".

Nope, didn't help at all!!!!

sobernow · 20/07/2006 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueshoes · 20/07/2006 13:04

a little knowledge is a dangerous thing ... all toddlers are adhd-like, it come with the territory. Your sister should know her limitations and shut the f--- up.

Twiglett · 20/07/2006 13:08

I was the best, most perfect parent around .. I knew everything and how to deal with everything

... then I had kids

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