do you find that as a SAHM you have to choose between feeling bored or guilty most of the time?

[emkana]

I feel bored when I do more than say 10 mins playing at a time with the children, but guilty in every minute that I don't give them attention.

Yep

So which one do you normally choose?

Playing bores me witless. I think ignoring them fosters the vital skill of independence though, so I try not to feel too guilty. I don't think our parents felt it was beholden upon them to keep us amused every minute of the day, and we had a lot less by way of toys/computer games/television than children do today. In fact I know my Mum mostly left me to my own devices and her stock reply to "I'm bored...I've got nothing to do" was "go and tidy your room, then."

Though (thinking as I type) I know she involved us a lot more in her day-to-day routines than I do with my children: baking, helping prepare meals, helping with washing etc. I tend to think "I can get it done ten times faster and with less chaos if I do it myself."

So yes, I do have guilt.

i do enjoy playing.... but playing ALL day bores me! he is only 14 months mind and even a shopping trip is still an adventure for him so i guess i still have the luxury of easy distraction!

Playing with one is ok in small doses, playing with 2 or more is no fun at all. I tend to just make silly faces regularly and use a funny voice and they consider that playing
This weather's been great for lying on a picnic rug in the garden reading and letting small kids roll about on my back.
But my 3yr old and I did make a pie together this a.m. which she seemed to find fun. My 18m old is a complete enigma anyway and nobody understands his rules so he's happier pottering about in his own world.
I do feel guilty that DH has to sit in an office all day .

I don't 'play' as such, but then I have three close together so they have each other for that. I do 'activities' ie. drawing/painting- it's very theraputic, reading, today I did making ice cubes and ice lollies with ds age 3. Sorting out toys together - that sort of thing.

Sometimes I do, you watch tv while Mummy goes on the computer, but not for too long.

I don't feel guilt as much as I used to because actually I think I'm a pretty good mum. and I don't think there's anything wrong in saying that - we should all say it more.

yes and then guilty again if i lose my rag - because i so lucky enough to have this time with them

Message withdrawn

When I say "playing" I meant things like craft, reading etc. together, because I never or hardly ever play with toys with them, because that really bores me! Should I feel even more guilty now?

emkana - you don't need to feel guilty at all. I may have sounded more hands on then in reality - there are lots of days when I haven't 'played', but the children have had a great time. Ie. today DD1 at school, DD2 at nursery til lunchtime, DS1 and I are going to gymnastics, we get back in time to collect DD2.

Then we'll come home for an hour and a half during which time they'l play together and maybe watch a bit of tv as it's so hot outside.

Then we'll collect DD1 from school and they'l all play in the field outside school with their friends till about 4.45 (I'll have a cuppa and a chat).

Then we'll come home, have tea, they'l play a bit more and then bed.

i won't have done any 'activities' but they'll have had a great time especially the playing after school, they'll be filthy and happy. Should I feel guilty - no, they have a lot more then the majority of children in the world and most importantly a loving parent with them all the time.

I play with mine for 20 minutes each per day (I have three so that takes an hour). Give them my undivided attention for that 20/25 mins and do whatever they want, don't lead them, don't correct them or tidy up.

I know it doesnt sound much but they love it and I can feel not guilty for the rest of the day!

I'm posting this all over the place at the moment, but this article I found a little while back may help to ease the guilt, emkana:

Benign Neglect and one of her earlier ones about Boredom . They basically coverg why mums generally feel like just because they're at home, they should be playing with the kids all the time (after all, that's the "point" in their eyes), but it's actually BAD for children to not know how to deal with being bored, to not know how to play by themselves.

Helped me a lot recently, anyway.

Hate playing that involves faffing about in the garden when its hot. Love readingetc, but there are some books he chooses that just makes my heart sink!

Reading is the one thing I could do with them all the time (and do do a lot) - sometimes I even read without thinking.

GeorginaA, interesting article.

well good for you

I would be interested though - why are you never bored? Because you don't find playing with your children boring, not ever? And why do you never feel guilty? Because you give them so much attention? Or because you don't feel you have to?

I'm looking for answers, woman!

God, Emkana, I so know what you mean (not SAHM, but work part time and work at home, not that many hours). I feel like this with the 3-year-old (ha! I wrote 30 year old first time )ALL THE TIME. The things he wants to do are so tedious I could pass out and I feel like a horrible horrible person for thinking so. When we're play-dohing or painting or in the park it's great, it's the made up games where he wants to pile cushions on my head and so on that make me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a teaspoon.
It's a great relief to know I'm not alone in this! I like your 20 minute idea, Enid, but he always wants MORE. It wouldn't be enough of me if I glued myself to his arm for the entire day. And then all too soon, I'll probably miss that when he's all independent like his brother.
Gawd, sorry, heat making me rant.

God, Emkana, I so know what you mean (not SAHM, but work part time and work at home, not that many hours). I feel like this with the 3-year-old (ha! I wrote 30 year old first time )ALL THE TIME. The things he wants to do are so tedious I could pass out and I feel like a horrible horrible person for thinking so. When we're play-dohing or painting or in the park it's great, it's the made up games where he wants to pile cushions on my head and so on that make me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a teaspoon.
It's a great relief to know I'm not alone in this! I like your 20 minute idea, Enid, but he always wants MORE. It wouldn't be enough of me if I glued myself to his arm for the entire day. And then all too soon, I'll probably miss that when he's all independent like his brother.
Gawd, sorry, heat making me rant.

about double post

Axolotl - let it all out!
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one.