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I really need to get this off my chest!

19 replies

colditz · 16/07/2006 10:22

My grandad has just died, and my mum is 100 miles away trying to sort the funerel arrangements. She has left my brother and sister (20 and 16) on their own in the house.

Well, my brother keeps trying to shag my sister's friends, them all being 16 and 17 they think he is the DBs. So he goes out with them, and to interest them, he tells them snippets of family life - including everything about my sister.

Now, my sister is gutted. She is really upset, but also I really think she is going to do him some damage. I grew up in a physical household and they have no qualms about seriously battering each other. Neither of them will come and stay with me or our dad.

I cannot let my mother know what is going on. She was diagnosed with clinical depression before her dad died. Our dad can't do anything. I was round there until 1 am last night trying to calm my sister down. They both smoke like chimneys and I am scared the house is going to go up in flames, the house is utterly squalid because nobody (including my mum) does any housework, so I scrubbed it from top to bottom last week, and told my sister(finished school, not working) that she has to keep on top of it.

And on top of all this I am still waiting for a referral to a psychiatrist which should have come weeks ago.

And people wonder why I get wound up easily!

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Carmenere · 16/07/2006 10:27

Bloody hell Colditz! Not sure what to say apart from your brother needs a kick up the arse. He should be pulling things together at a time like this. I hope he will be deeply ashamed of his behaviour when he finally does grow up.

edam · 16/07/2006 10:36

OMG.

colditz · 16/07/2006 10:36

I just don't know what to do any more. I've got no authority in that house, I can't order them to do what would be best, all I can do is protect my mum from as much of it as possible.

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TooTicky · 16/07/2006 10:38

Is there somebody sensible your brother respects/would listen to?

colditz · 16/07/2006 10:39

Mum's away until the middle of next week. I feel torn. I don't want to keep leaving my kids with my partner when he's not at work, but I really don't want the situation at my mum's house to escalate out of control. I know they are capable of doing serious damage to each other - she knocked him unconcious last week, and he has no qualms about battering her back.

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colditz · 16/07/2006 10:40

My brother is going through a really arrogant phase at the minute, He doesn't listen to anyone, and when my dad tries to talk to him he goes out and switches his phone off.

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TooTicky · 16/07/2006 10:44

Is he worse since your grandad died? Could this be affecting his behaviour?

colditz · 16/07/2006 10:50

the house is always full of my sister's so called mates, who eat all the food, trash the place and leave. I have no power to make them go, neither does dad, and my sister doesn't realise what's going on, it seems. Dad has just been bending my ear about this, wanting something done, but i DON'T KNOW what the fuck HE WANTS ME TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!

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colditz · 16/07/2006 10:51

Both of them barely knew our grandad, I think they have met him 3 ttimes.

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TooTicky · 16/07/2006 11:03

I don't suppose he's after attention of some kind? Clutching at straws a bit here...
I suppose he needs one of those life-changing experiences, but you can't really plan them. Either that or a good, hard kick up the bum!
Does he work?

colditz · 16/07/2006 11:11

He does work now, yes. He didn't though, for 2 years!

I think he needs a kick up the arse, myself, but I don't want him and my sister to start fighting again, they are both bigger than me!

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TooTicky · 16/07/2006 11:14

Perhaps you could arrange for them to be dropped in the wilderness together, so they have to co-operate to survive. It would probably be the making of them.
Is your brother's job fulfilling? Does he work with good people?

oops · 16/07/2006 11:17

Message withdrawn

Carmenere · 16/07/2006 11:24

Colditz I have to admit that I'm quite shocked about the physical aspect of all this. You do know that it is not normal for families to use violence against each other? I mean I know you probably know but it is really strange that they would knock each other out. They shouldn't be living in the same house, and as he is 20 and working, he should move out.

You can kick her friends out btw. Just say that your mum has given you the authority and if they don't leave you will call the police and do if they don't leave and if your brother or sister assaults you. call the police.

I know you want to protect you mother but it is obvious that this situation is at least partly her doing and you are not responsible for it. Better the police are called for a domestic situation thatn for a fatality.

Sorry I really do feel for you but you must either walk away or wade in. What does your dh think?

colditz · 16/07/2006 11:33

Dp not fussed, he just thinks sister should come and stay here. He's right, but she won't.

I know I have an abnormal family. We are all screwed up in some way or another.

My sister won't hit me, she only hits when very provoked, but if my brother hits me I will call the police and have him charged.

The problem is, my mum can't afford to pay the mortgage if my brother moves out, and I think it is colouring her judgement of his behavior.

Dad says he won't take the keys off my brother, he won't make my brother homeless.

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colditz · 16/07/2006 11:37

I am going to have to wade in, I am just thinking how to do it.

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Carmenere · 16/07/2006 11:41

Do you lose your temper with them ever? Just wondering as if you don't now would be the time to do it big stylee. If you do, now is the time to approach them with a scarily grim calmness. Basically in order to get accross how serious this situation is you must behave in the opposite manner to which they are expecting.

tillibugger · 16/07/2006 12:05

poor you. Does your brother and sister know you are waiting on a referral for phyc? Try to get them to see how ill they are making you mum and yourself. I try to step back from my family problems and things usually seem to sort themselves and found getting involved was makng me ill. sorry this is not much help at all but take care

colditz · 16/07/2006 13:06

No, they don't know, they wouldn't get it.

I feel sorry for my dad but in a way he is making it worse by irritatin my sister, making her dig her heels in even more.

She will usually talk to me if nobody else, because she knows I won't over-react. I am seriously pissed off with my brother, because he promised he wouldn't do this again. He is being a lying, arrogant little swine.

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