UGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! Am I being unreasonable??

[shortcake]

My Dad died a year ago and so we spent last Xmas with my sis and her family, since they are my only family now and we would be able to comfort each other during our first Christmas without Dad. My DH just rung his parents and asked them if they would like to come (with DH's sis and her family!) to us this Xmas coming, but they have already arranged to go away together!! Normally I would think that was fine, but now I am all upset at the thought of having Xmas on our own as a family - it will be the first Xmas without any family coming at all and I feel really bereft! I am also really cross - because I would have thought that DH's parents would have consulted with us before agreeing to go on hol with SIL - am I being unreasonable???

Yes, i think so - sorry!

Dh's parents are entitled to arrange their christmas however they would like. You have your own little family now and theres no reason why you cant have a lovely day together.

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. If the in-laws want to go away at Xmas it's their decision and they shouldn't have to consult anyone first.

I just feel hurt that they haven;t even talked to us about it! They know what a horrible year its been! and my first thought every year is who will be left on their own!

Ok - fair enough - perhaps I should be more grown up about this - I guess I just miss Dad so much and can't imagine Xmas without family visiting. Thanks for your responses - it puts a new perspective on it!

Yup - 'spose it would but DD's are 17 and 14 and have always had Xmas with family - so i worry that they will just miss Grandad really badly!

I understand where you are coming from although I am usually tring to get out of christmas with my inlaws

Can you see your sister again. I think the difficult thing is that they clearly planned with out talking to your family first - not that they need your permission obviously but its abit like being left out on the playground

oh, shortcake.

I see what the others mean, but if your PILs know about your dad dying and everything they should have asked you first. but then maybe they just don't know how much it means to you.

so is another xmas with your sis out of the question? if so could you share it with some friends/neighbours instead? those kind of xmases can be great fun because you sometimes get a good insight into other people's lives and weird family traits that you don't normally see. or can your get your dds to invite best friends/boyfriends? that could be fun too.

but having said all that, I would also like to say that it's July for crying out loud!

normally christmas day we spend as a family me, hubby and boys we have no visitors and dont visit anybody its our day just as a family (most of it spent putting toys together etc) christmas eve we see my mum & dad and boxing day we visit dh mum and dad (wish they were away)
your so lucky enjoy your family on a special day

Maybe your in-laws are just used to not being involved in your xmas plans, and expected it to carry on the same?

Is there any chance you'd want to go away with the in-laws? That would be a change.

I do understand why they wouldn't consult you, but I can see why you'd be annoyed, too.

Exactly - thanx for that. Its not helped by fact that we can never go away at Xmas because of DH's job and everyone lives at least 4 hours drive from us! Sister has 4 small kids and it seems a lot to ask her to come again when she has in-laws nearby who would like to see them. I'm sure it will be Ok when it gets here - but am very tearful at prospect right now!

We have seen inlaws every other Xmas (not set in stone but how it ussually works out!) but last year things were really strange becasue of Dad dying and so we saw my sister as an exeption (and they don't all get on!) - thats the problem we should have had them last year and so we have missed our chance!!

talk to your sister - she might like to come - you can make a no pressure offer.
I think when you have lost someone close holidays are always some of the hardest times - but don't worry about it from now til then

I guess I'm still getting over Dads death - and so am a bit touchy!!