Am I crazy to even think about giving up work?

[hocuspocus]

OK ladies, a little advice needed please.

The hocuspocus household is a busy place. DH works long hours, leaving me to generally hold the fort, including caring for DS and DD (both under 5). The children are both willing to help with the hoovering and cooking but it never seems to go well......

I currently work 2.5 days per week. Yes, I know that doesn't sound like much but the hours in the office keep getting longer and longer and I regularly get home after 10.00pm, missing both children entirely on those days. The situation is not helped by a 2.5 hour total commute each day.

This has a knock on affect on DS's behaviour - he said the other day that he would like me to give up work as it makes him happy if I am always there .

So here is the dilemma - my husband and children all want me to give up the job (it will be almost impossible to find a similar job closer to home) - but I have a sneaking worry that I will struggle being a SAHM.

How does anyone make this decision - it seems so final, walking away from the "adult world". Can anyone reassure me that I won't go stir crazy with just the children all day?

I know that I could become involved in the PTA etc when DS starts school - but does this really replace the satisfaction of holding down a responsible job?

I'm in the process of doing something similar and I don't have the long hours that you work, but work 3 days a week, trying to do that and run the house and a part time business from home and being 5mths pg is just too much.

I am starting mat leave early and then trying to see how I cope with being a full time SAHM to 2 kids.

My intention to keep me sane, because I do like the time away from DS in the office and the breathing space it gives me, is to build up the home business so that will give me the adult contact and conversation etc - currently working part time I am now earning enough that the home business equals my office work and by the end of the year mat leave it will be more than that.

I think if you have a plan of how you will get time and space for you then it can work, but I would need the reassurance that I can still get that breathing space when you don't have a child hanging off you and you're not running 6 things though your head that need doing in the next 2 hours. Being a SAHM takes a huge amount of pressure off and you can relax in a way you can't when you have to be in a office and have those expectations on you as well - just my own point of view - hope it helps .

ps

If you're interested in the home business mail me on shapeworksuk (at) yahoo (dot) co (dot) uk.

Ooh I know exactly how you feel! For me the idea was like a bolt from the blue and I was really emotional and scared at the idea. I was working 2.5days but my job changed and became horrible and I found I was really missing my baby DD and resenting the childminder. I'd talked about it with DH and I got a really helpful book so one day I just thought what am I doing here, working my butt off for someone else away from my kid when I could be working my butt off being with her and really committing to running the house efficiently (I mean the finances not the housework.)
So I handed in my notice and promptly found out I was pg again but never looked back. I'll go back to work when it suits my family and really interests me - it won't be the same kind of job at all, something fun but lowpaid and worthy perhaps.
Go for it, a job's a job, you can always find another one if you don't like being a SAHM but you'll kick yourself if you don't give it a try.

It sounds to me like you don't want to give up your job!

Haven't you experienced the stay at home bit on mat leave...didn't that answer the question as to whether you would like it?

and presumably you could try a different job closer to home as an option?

I think there are all sorts of options available to you but it seems like you really like your current job, in which case, keep it!

I went from full time work to part time after my ds was born, I'd been back at work for 4 months before finding out I was pregnant again!
DS will be 22 mths and the new baby will be 5 mths when I'm due back in January. I am currently trying to decide if it is worth me going back to work or not. I know we are definately stuggling financially now with just the 1 child, let alone having to find money for a 2nd. DS goes to nursery once a week and the other day and a half my mum or dh has him depending on when they're working. I think my mum might find it too stressful with having to cope with 2 little ones and I'm not sure if I can cope with getting 3 of us ready and out the door in time in the mornings!!
But we really need the money and not sure what benifits I'd be entitled to if I stay at home to look after them.
Any advice?

Thanks for your posts - it's good to know that there are others out there grappling with the same issues.

BOD - thanks for the book recommendation - haven't seen this but will give it a whirl.

Mousie x2 - I think that part of what frightens me is that I did not particularly enjoy either maternity leave. But I also wonder whether that may have been because, TBH, I am not wild about tiny babies and much prefer them when they can talk and do more. I guess I could always try it - and if it doesn't work out try something else.....no-one will make me sign up to a 12 month SAHM contract will they?

BB - mmm it's a tricky one. My mum also looks after my 2 and she has certainly found it harder since DD arrived. Maybe worth calling your local benefits agency/CAB office re possible benefits?

Thanks for your posts - it's good to know that there are others out there grappling with the same issues.

BOD - thanks for the book recommendation - haven't seen this but will give it a whirl.

Mousie x2 - I think that part of what frightens me is that I did not particularly enjoy either maternity leave. But I also wonder whether that may have been because, TBH, I am not wild about tiny babies and much prefer them when they can talk and do more. I guess I could always try it - and if it doesn't work out try something else.....no-one will make me sign up to a 12 month SAHM contract will they?

BB - mmm it's a tricky one. My mum also looks after my 2 and she has certainly found it harder since DD arrived. Maybe worth calling your local benefits agency/CAB office re possible benefits?

I've been meaning to go to the cab to see what I might be entitled to for the past 3 months! still not got round to seeing them yet! also keep meaning to apply for council accom as where we currently live is causing depression due to inconsiderate idiots who live in our block of flats and having to negociate stairs with back problems with my ds and one on the way. I know that the council will probably not even consider my application which is why I've had the forms and dr's letter since January!!

BB send the forms in - you've go nothing to lose.

PS Congrats on your pregnancy

thanks, i know, i need to send them off, it's just one of those things which you intend to do at some point, its just a case of getting round to completing them. I still think i'll get nowhere with the coucil because we have a roof over our heads, 2 bedrooms and we can just about to survive on the money we earn. therefore having to stay in this flat sinking into deeper depression. The landlady we have at the moment is very good and has been getting her cheques about 2 weeks late for the past 3 months!

I gave up my full time job when the boys were roughly 3 and 1. I won't lie it was hard, I found it very difficult to build any social network - but that was probably where i lived in London where everyone had a nanny and no one was english Not xenophobic I hasten to add, just lonely. But I hated my job, so that was a relief.

They are now 5 and 3 and we are coming to the end of DS1 first year at school and yes i have become involved in the PTA. In no way does it replace a full time job, but the company is good. When DS2 starts school next september then I am going to think about some paid employment of some sorts.

No regrets here, I mostly love it although it is frustrating, depressing and mind numblingly boring at times.

Good luck with your choice - there is no right answer. Although I have a little mantra - "it doesn't matter what choice you make as long as it is your choice" Then you can live with the consquences.