Need help thinking of something to write in a book that is a gift to a new teacher, possibly a funny poem?

[schnapps]

Hello

Got a book as gift for someone who has just qualified to teach (has been a trainee in my class, and has a job at my school for sept) want to think of something funny/witty to write in the front cover. Possibly a funny poem/verse. I'm really useless at writing poetry though. Anybody got any ideas pleeeease?

One Hundred Years from now
(excerpt from "Within My Power" by Forest Witcraft)

One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter
what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
how much money was in my bank account
nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place because
I was important in the life of a child.

Oh that is lovely, Mud

Yes, that's really nice, Mud. My last trainee would have really appreciated that but for my current one it really needs to be a funny. There was a teacher called Kerry... that sort of thing
Will save yours for future though

Something from "Please Mrs Butler"?

(I have it somewhere but god knows where!)

Ooo, not heard of it. Is it a poem or a book of poems?

I have one that my dad wrote for his final year students which would probably translate well for a new teacher.
I can't get it right now as it is a suitcase stored in the same room DS sleeps in - I can look tomorrow if that is any good for you?

I like this one - always a favourite when doing poetry with 9z

The Lesson

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

Roger McGough

found the lesson on this website with lots of others

might find what you want here

agh... that poem. when i was an nqt i read that poem out at school for national poetry day.... and then realised the poor reception was because of dunblane which had happened a month or so before. it makes me cringe just thinking about it, i can't believe i was so stupid. i hate that poem now

schnapps, Please Mrs Butler is both - book of school poems by Allan Ahlberg and this is the title poem:

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work, Miss.
What shall I do?

Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
Take your books on the roof, my lamb.
Do what ever you think.

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps taking my rubber, Miss.
What shall I do?

Keep it in your hand, dear.
Hide it up your vest.
Swallow it if you like, my love.
Do what you think best.

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps calling me rude names, Miss.
What shall I do?

Lock yourself in the cupboard , dear.
Run away to sea.
Do what ever you can, my flower.

But don?t ask me!

This one is nice, from eidsvold's link (if you tidy up the grammar!):

To Every Student

In every school, to every student
there's a special teacher.
To every teacher, to every student
there's a special bond.
To every bond to every moment
There's a special time that we'll think
back and say to ourself's "That teacher
really cared!"
If you know that teacher cares
you're life will brighten up.
Cause now you know that
if you fall, that same special teacher
Will come and help you up

Gloria Celiant

Right.. last post cued errant screaming toddler which gave me chance to scrummage under the bed for the suitcase. It is (obviously) without the talented graphics which I did, (aged 14) which included the dotted folds to make a paper aeroplane and is no where near as relevant as Janhs Please Mr Butler, but nevertheless:

Keep the home fires burning
Keep the powder dry
Many a mickle makes a muckle
Coming thru' the rye
(nonsense)

Never let the sun go down
on an argument
Stick no bills, think no ills
Don't loiter with intent
(more nonsense)

Don't check a gift horses molars
For it may run away
Be careful counting chickens
Your hen may never lay
(profound)

If all these words of wisdom
Have only left you cold
Remember you can do anything
So long as you do as you are told
(cynicism)

Enough of all this nonsense
I can't think what to say
To give you inspiration
As you go on your way
(confession)

But wherever your fancy takes you
Whatever you choose to do
Just do your best in every quest
And to yourself be true
(sincerity)

Well, I like it because my dad wrote it

Hello and thank you for all the replies and suggestions

Unfortunately my blooming pc crashed big time and this is the first it's been up and running since I posted on thur night so I missed your responses, and my trainee left yesterday! So I ended up just writing a 'you've done a great job, will miss you' type message in the end.

I will no doubt be having plenty more trainees tho so have printed off this thread so I can use some of the lovely ideas in the future