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Original poster

Just had conversation with my mother and.... [sorry long]

18 replies

doobydoo · 03/07/2006 14:25

We have finally admitted to not liking each other[in fact she really dislikes me].We have had years of ups and downs and i am finally at the age when i have had enough.It was my concern for ds that made me say that it is obvious she dosen't like me..then it went from there.
I have said i don't want ds to be infected by her and we have sorted it so that when she sends stuff for him he will write back and if she comes to Ireland she will stay with relatives and we can get on for the brief time we are together for ds.
I feel quite sad as i do have respect for her in bringing me up by herself and making sure i was fed and watered etc.[and i have said this in the past]She is just so vitriolic and sneery.She says she has moved on but she always drags up the past [re dad and stepmum,who she sent me to live with when i was 15].
Just feel abit drained

OP posts:

Dior · 03/07/2006 14:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

doobydoo · 03/07/2006 14:32

She thinks i am too much like my dad and stepmum!
No i am her only child i have a half sister through my dad.
Mum says it's normal to be like this lots of people don't like their kids.It's just that she deludes herself into thinking the past wasn't how it was[ifyswim]and maybe she feels guilty about some stuff.
I don't like her either,or love her but have some respect fo her.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 03/07/2006 14:36

I'm ceaselessly amazed at how some people can so pitiously avoid the high road and being adult about matters for the sake of their own children.

Why bring up something which must have been very painful to your child again and again??

What an AWFUL conversation to have w/your own child!

You poor soul, dooby!

expatinscotland · 03/07/2006 14:37

Sorry, dooby, I know you love her, but she does sound toxic and hopefully you have a more rewarding relationship w/your father and stepmum.

spidermama · 03/07/2006 14:40

This book has helped many MNers, just in case you don't already know about it.

Sorry dooby. That must hurt.

Original poster

doobydoo · 03/07/2006 14:42

I really don't love her Expat.Relations with dad and stepmum ok as long as i don't say what i think!Tried it once,won't again.
It's just the bloody hypocrisy that gets on my nerves with[now i think of it]my parents.If i was a horrid person i would understand but i'm not.
I think they have their own issues and need to sort em out.

OP posts:

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 03/07/2006 14:43

She sounds very poisonous, (and attention seeking). Would it do any good to talk to your dad and stepmum to get their take on her.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 03/07/2006 14:43

oh just read your last message, maybe not.

Original poster

doobydoo · 03/07/2006 14:46

Thanks Spidermama.JimJams my parents hate each others guts
.

OP posts:

spidermama · 03/07/2006 14:49

There are a few copies of Toxic Parents on Ebay at the moment.

Here's one.

Original poster

doobydoo · 03/07/2006 15:00

Thanks again Spidermama.What worries me is that isaw on the other thread that you said how popular it is and i worry that ds might loathe me when he's older for reasons i can't even know yet[ifyswim]

OP posts:

spidermama · 03/07/2006 16:29

I worry about that too doobs. I guess all we can do is try to avoid the mistakes our parents made, even if we need help (books, counselling) to do so.

snowleopard · 03/07/2006 16:36

Dooby, how upsetting, but very mature of you to have sorted it out like this. I just bicker with, and bitch about, my mum - somewhat less useful! But this would leave me feeling sad too if I were you.

FWIW you don't sound at all as if you'll have a similar effect on your DS. Sometimes having difficult parents can make people more aware and supportive with their own kids. (At least I hope so!)

schneebly · 03/07/2006 16:41

I am sorry doobydoo - it must have been horrible for you . My mum died of cancer in 2002 but I feel lucky that she was a nurturing mother and I had a good relationship with her - luckier than so many others like yourself. I hope that talking it through with her helps you to resolve how you feel about her and move on with your own life. You sound like a sensible and sensitive person and I am sure DS will not be affected by this in a negative way at all - you will do your best for him.

Pruni · 03/07/2006 16:46

Message withdrawn

Original poster

doobydoo · 05/07/2006 22:58

Yes i agree Pruni.Will read Toxic Parents..hope i'm not one!

OP posts:

MadamePlatypus · 06/07/2006 09:24

Dooby, just to look on the brighter side, I think everybody can be a toxic parent to an extent - it is all to do with us being humans rather than special aliens from the planet 'perfect parent'. However, I don't think most parents are like your mum - most parents have redeeming qualities as well as being toxic and that is why we love them! You are not destined to be like your mum!

Original poster

doobydoo · 10/07/2006 18:15

Just a brief update for anyone who is interested!
Phone call this am from mother... whittering on about what she would like ds to spend birthday money on[pair of boots]I said don't bother sending any if you are going to attach conditions..she said i am completely stupid and a waste of space.
Suffice to say i have had enough and doubt we can be civil and don't want to be anymore anyway.
Thanks for all the input

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