Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

So fed up again........I need to sort my life out once and for all

25 replies

nutcracker · 18/02/2004 21:54

I know, i'm on here again moaning, after i promised myself that i wouldn't. I'm sure you are all fed up of listening to me by now, i know i am.
My life is just in such a mes, and i can't seem to sort it out. As you know, we've got housing probs, which are depressing me terribly, and making me feel like i'm living in limbo.
I also have major probs with dp, those being that i really don't love him anymore and the though of having to stay with him for the rest of my life makes me want to cry.
I have tried to convince myself that me and dp can work things out, especially as there is the chance of us moving away, but i just feel like i'm slowely unravelling IYKWIM and that i'm eventually going to collapse in a heap on the floor. Please help

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 18/02/2004 21:54

((HUGS)) nutty

spacemonkey · 18/02/2004 21:59

do you think that your relationship with dp will improve if you move away nutty? it must be really hard with the housing situation, that's very stressful in itself, so i guess it's hard to tell if that's putting a lot of strain on your relationship IYKWIM

squirmyworm · 18/02/2004 22:00

nutty you have always struck me (from your postings) as being a) lovely b) clever c) positive and d) a fabulous mum. Please don't feel down - think of what a good job you are doing bringing up your lovely kids. Focus on the move (how close might it be?) and see how things change with your partner once that has happened...You need to take one step at a time otherwise things just seem overwhelming. Sorry, it probably wasn't advice you wanted, just a chat but I'm terribly bossy . Hugs anyway. I know you will sort things out.

ponygirl · 18/02/2004 22:00

Oh Nutcracker, I wish I could give you a big hug! I always wonder how you're doing. I honestly think you're at the end of the road with your dp and you would be so much happier without him, where you live now, in Kent or anywhere, really. I know it's a huge step to take but I think it would be the right one and would be a big step on the road to making you happier about everything and help you be more positive about housing, career, etc. You've only got one life, and you've got so much of it ahead of you, don't waste it with someone you don't love, or even (I think) have any respect or affection for. I know it would be hard on your children, but maybe better in the long run than them seeing you so unhappy.

And you have a perfect right to moan as much as you like: you've got such crap stuff going on in your life, getting it off your chest is positively healthy, and where's the best place to do all that? MN of course!

Lots of love, and am thinking of you.xxx

aloha · 18/02/2004 22:00

You know what I think. You are very young (ridiculously young ) and your life is really just starting. You can make choices now that will give you the life you dream of. I strongly suspect you will be happier as a single person for a start. Change is scary but invigorating and empowering, and one tends to lead to another. Good luck.

Original poster
nutcracker · 18/02/2004 22:13

oh, thankyou for your replies. Am trying not to cry at the very kind things you've said.
Squirmyworm - Noone has ever said such nice things about me.
Ponygirl & Aloha - I know you are right, but i'm just so terrified of making the wrong desicion and ruining my childrens lives.

OP posts:
sb34 · 18/02/2004 22:20

Message withdrawn

aloha · 18/02/2004 23:02

Just seen your little boy is ill too. Poor you and poor him. I think you need to be nice to yourself ATM.

Original poster
nutcracker · 19/02/2004 16:19

I have told him how i feel several times before, even that i don't love him anymore, but he doesn't seem to believe me or thinks i'll change my mind.
I know that i would feel so much more happy and relaxed if it were just me and the kids too.
I can understand him being annoyed though, as i do keep giving him mixed messages ie; the housing e.t.c. That is because i don't know if i'm coming or going at the mo.
At the moment i feel constantly annoyed, stressed and irritated the minute my dp walks in the door and hate having to spend time with him.

OP posts:
Thomcat · 19/02/2004 16:37

Oh nutcracker you poor little thing. Wish I could suggest something but I think Aloha has some very wise words for you there really and i can't really add to them. Just wish you luck and lots of love, TC xx

ponygirl · 19/02/2004 18:04

Hi Nutcracker, had to come and check in with you. I'm sorry your ds is ill, more stress you really don't need. I think you answered your own question on your last post (about how you feel when your dp walks in). Surely your life would be loads better just by not having that there? And how much better for your children to have you happy? I think if you were happy in yourself (ie without relationship-stress) you'd be happier with your home life, and then the world outside your front door would look more challenging and exciting. You have SO many options and opportunities open to you: please grab them with both hands! I'm 35 and already have regrets about the things I haven't done but could have ten years ago.

Thinking of you. Must go and feed my children but will be back later!

fio2 · 19/02/2004 18:41

hello nutty, sorry you are feeling so down atm. I am not suprised though with all the things going on in your life and you feeling depressed aswell. I felt like you a couple of months ago, although I did still love my husband. But things were getting too much. I found talking to people on mumsnet really helped and also not trying to be a superhero all the time and just admitting to people that yes sometimes I cant cope, I just have too. Are you sure you really have fell out of love with your partner and that it is not just your depression making you feel this? I know when you are not 'yourself' your mind and your emotions play tricks on you. When I am depressed I always get paranoid that people have a 'problem' with me, dont like me are talking about me, feeling inadequate - that type of feeling. It is just the depression. I didnt know your ds was poorly either so you really do have alot on your plate. Sorry I dont know what to suggest, maybe a break for a while. Trial seperation or maybe a holiday with the kids together (obviously not a viable option if you cant afford it) I hope things get better for you soon and you start to feel a bit better about things, you sound really lovely and you do sound like a good mum. Sending you cyber hugs ((())) xx

Original poster
nutcracker · 19/02/2004 20:12

Thanx again for all of the lovely replies. I really can't agree that im a good mom though. All i do is moan at the kids about the mess and never do anythin nice with them.
I would love to think that maybe i did still love my dp, but i know that i don't. It's mainly his fault that we are in this mess (housing mess, i mean), and i just can't forgive him.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 19/02/2004 20:37

Can reply properly now as dp is in the bath.
All i want is for me and my kids to be happy. I know what it's like to have a childhood with parents arguing or ignoring each other. Once when i was about 9 on xmas day, my dad spent all day in the garage and my mom knitting. I don't want my kids to have a childhood like that (not that i knit), but i also feel like i'm not trying hard enough either IYKWIM (you probably don't, cos i don't).

OP posts:
stupidgirl · 19/02/2004 21:23

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, but these are my thoughts - Can you pinpoint what your doubts are about leaving your dp? Do you genuinely think that there is a chance that you could patch things up, or is it just fear of the unknown that is holding you back?

I know it sounds awful, but put your children out of the equation for a minute. What do you want? Because the children won't ever be truly happy if you're not.

Is there anyway you could go and stay with a relative or something with the children and without your dp, just to have time to try and get your head around things.

I wish there was something I could do to help you, I really feel for you. Sending (((hugs))). I know things are going to work out for you, you just need to have the strength to make the first move.

Original poster
nutcracker · 19/02/2004 21:28

Unfortunatly, there is noone i can stay with, and to be honest i don't think it would help.
I'm not sure whats stopping me. Actually it's just occured to me that if i was the one that had to leave i'd of done it ages ago, but as it's dp that would have to leave, i can't make him go IYSWIM.
I just feel like i've made a complete mess of my life

OP posts:
katierocket · 19/02/2004 21:28

nutty - I haven't chatted to you directly on MN but I followed the 'Lets get Nutty a new house' thread and I want to say that I think you are fantastic and deserve a medal for what you put up with from your neighbours.

You know, I think you need to really think long and hard about what YOU want - stupidgirl is right - if you're not happy, neither will your children be.
Oh, I'm rambling but give yourself a big hug - you hang in there girl.

Original poster
nutcracker · 19/02/2004 21:30

Blimey, thanks Katierocket, wish i could see what you mners do.

OP posts:
ponygirl · 23/02/2004 13:35

Hi there Nutcracker, how are you? I hope you're ds is better now. I've been thinking about you I hope you've got some plans/ideas to help you feel more positive.
xxx

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/02/2004 13:39

Cheers Ponygirl, thats nice of you. Still haven't come to any major desicions yet, but am feeling o.k at the mo. My ds was slightly better i thought, but he's just been very sick, so maybe not.

OP posts:
ponygirl · 23/02/2004 16:55

Oh yes, I've just seen - good luck with the Fimbles annual! Glad your hanging in there!

lavender1 · 23/02/2004 17:00

Hope you're looking after yourself, Nutcracker..how's things?

CountessDracula · 23/02/2004 17:04

Nutty, I'm sure that this has been covered on another thread, but have you spoken to your dp about him leaving, even on a trial basis? Have you ever spent any time apart from him? Could you persuade him to move out to a mate's house or his parents or something for say a month? Then see how you feel at the end of it?

And if you have decided that you don't want him back, it would be easier if he had already been gone for a week.

Poor thing, big big hugs (((()))))

lavender1 · 23/02/2004 17:08

I'm fine thanks, things are good...feeling a lot happier than a few weeks ago...how's the house moving going...and have found any sort of job choices yet...remember that you were talking about that?

lavender1 · 23/02/2004 17:12

Have just scrolled down and seen your very current situation, have the same concerns about trial periods away as CountessDracula? Sounds like a good idea , maybe you'd miss each other, maybe you wouldn't...you'd find out if this were possible...Hope you can have time apart, sounds like you need it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page