I just need to rant and get some advice from someone not connected to the situation.
My dad and his wife are genarelly rude and have some odd ideas. In particular, there are 2 fairly significant events that have happened in the last few years. Firstly, in the lead up to my wedding 5 years ago my dad made my life a misery as I wanted to invite my sis (he wasn't speaking to her at the time - long story). He would put the phone down on me, told me he couldn't promise he wouldn't kick-off at the wedding and I was responsible, etc. He once even threatened to hit me if my sis was there. Despite all this I carried on talking to him and in fact the wedding went OK. Although obvioulsy I was stressed. Then when I was pregnant last year he asked if my DH and I had a DNA test to check the baby was my husbands!! This was said in front of a number of relatives, etc and was obviously very embarrassing. I decided to call it all a day there and then and move on with my life. However my dad apologised, put it down to drink. Although my mum (they are divorced) doesn't speak to him because of it.
Anyway the latest sage is that he has spoken to my sis (who he normally barely speaks to) and told her that he feels shut out from my daughters life because I am close to my mum, he has given up making any effort now, etc. I am really cross as I dont feel he has made any effort (only been to visit 3 times in 9 months and lives 1.5 hours away)and even crosser that he is speaking to my sis instead of me. I feel he is manipulating the situation to make it look as though he is the poor hard done by grand father. Its almost as though he thinks he can just bypass me to get to my daughter. After all these years of making zilch effort with me and giving me a hard time about things whilst I ahve taken it he somehow thinks he can just twist everything to suit him.
Theres loads more exmaples of his behaviour but my message will be pages long so I wil try and keep it short. We are meant to be visiting at the weekend. A big part of me just says, you know what you ahve tried but this person is not making you happy and its time to call it quits. But the other part of me feels sad as he is my dad. My mum (who cant stand him and hasn't spoken to him for a year) told me not to call and not to turn up and when he rings tell him what my sis said and leave it at that. My Dh says no matter what he is basically an unpleasnt person and will never be the dad I want. I feel so torn. Any advice would be appreciated.