I am currently studying with a view to changing career. I'm in a job I don't enjoy. I did really well at school and uni and was going to be very successful at whatever I did. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way and instead I have spent 8 years becoming more and more miserable in my job.
I am trying to rectify that by studying for a Masters Degree in Occupational Psychology. It's taking everything I have time and energy wise. I work 4 days and have a 6 & 3 year old. I am studying part time distance learning, and while I am really enjoying it, it's bloody hard. DH's mum is seriously ill and his family are being PITAs so he is really stressed, and we are just about holding things together (don't get me started on financial worries...).
But instead of patting myself on the back I just constantly concentrate on what I haven't done: I haven't got a successful blog or set up my own company. I'm not an active member the local community, I don't help out in school.
I think all of this is compounded by the fact that two friends have both recently had third children and are both doing so well. They have been up and about straight away, look great, and generally just seem to be enjoying it. I can't help but think back to how I was after both my kids and think how badly I handled things, how miserable I felt and how badly I coped with sleep deprivation etc. I just feel like I didn't do a good enough job and it makes me sad.
This all sounds really pathetic, I know. But I just feel like should be doing so much more. I feel under (self imposed) pressure to make every second count, and am finding it really stressful. I also feel under pressure to get good results in my degree. I got a distinction for my 1st MSc and anything less will feel like a failure. Yes, I can hear how ridiculous I sound but I just can't get past not being more of a success in life.
Someone come and give me slap.