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Original poster

am I being unreasonable no. 234235098079

38 replies

miffedofwandsworth · 26/06/2006 16:37

Sorry about the name change - I don't really want to implicate the other party in this. Anyhow, here goes:
I offered to give a reasonably valuable baby item away for free to a Mumsnetter (would cost £160 new, was in good used condition). The other person emailed me to arrange pick-up, I emailed her back my phone number in case she got lost.
I was rather surprised to then be rung by a bloke during the afternoon - apparently her dh - who established my identity and passed me on to her.
She checked that it'd be ok to pick it up at a certain time, I said fine, waited for her to turn up. They both come, she can even be arsed to get out of the car and talk to me, her dh loads up the item and off they go again.

Now, I don't expect a flippin' thank you card, but at least come and talk to me. I didn't want a long conversation - but 'thanks' would have been nice. And what's this about the dh ringing? I didn't give my phone number to a bloke, so I didn't exactly appreciate it when a male stranger rings to ask whether I 'advertised said item' on the internet (which I hadn't - I'd responded to a request on MN) without even telling me who he is.

I'm really annoyed. Am I Being Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 26/06/2006 16:40

I think that's totally and completely out of order personally

was it a MNer you 'know' online or just someone who said I'll have it

name and shame .. let the vultures gather

Twiglett · 26/06/2006 16:41

If I was taking something like that

I'd say thank you and ply you with either wine, chocolates or flowers

mazzystar · 26/06/2006 16:44

blimey. how bizarre.

Mascaraohara · 26/06/2006 16:44

I want to know who it was! Yes, I know, I'm a sad cow.

I would have definitely come and said hi, prob taken a good will gesture as a thanks.. in fatc you'd probably be glad to get rid of me by the end of it. Sounds a bit odd though, maybe there was more to it.. did she wave or anything? did you 'know' her online beforehand?

SaintGeorge · 26/06/2006 16:46

No, you aren't wrong to be annoyed - but maybe slightly out of order in posting about it.

Could you not email her to point out you are a bit cheesed off with her attitude rather than doing it 'in public' ?

LIZS · 26/06/2006 16:46

Seems bit strange and rude. At least she could have got out and thanked you in person.

SparklyGothKat · 26/06/2006 16:46

maybe she felt uneasy about going to a stranger's house, that why she got her DH to phone you.

FlameBoo · 26/06/2006 16:46

Yup - name and shame

magnolia1 · 26/06/2006 16:47

You are not being unreasonable and from your name you seem to live near me. So next time you have something great I will have it and even bring you flowers

Seriously though I would have made the effort to come and chat and bought flowers.

I recently had another intenet mum come to my house to pick up a compost bin and she bought me flowers. It felt so lovely

Shame not everyone is so nice

yorkshirelass79 · 26/06/2006 16:47

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 26/06/2006 16:47

Yeah, strange and rude. Maybe her (or her DH) are nervous about Internet People? They're evil and dangerous, doncha know?

peanutbutter · 26/06/2006 16:47

what bad manners! there may be some perfectly reasonable explanation, but I'm struggling to come up with an example...I'd have been upset/disappointed as well as narked if that had happened to me.

motherinferior · 26/06/2006 16:50

Out of order. Slavering thanks and a box of fancy chocolates are the very least one can expect under those circumstances.

WideWebWitch · 26/06/2006 16:53

Hmm, it's not very friendly behaviour, that's for sure. And I do think she could have got out of the car but maybe she got her dh to call because she was suspicious of you? After all, you could have been a hairy trucker for all she knew! But having established that you weren't a trucker then yes, I do think she should have got out of the car. If the dh was there then he shoudl ahve been back up if you were a weirdo.

catsmother · 26/06/2006 16:54

I can just about understand the cautious approach .... though feel it unlikely that a (presumably) regular Mner would actually be a big hairy psycho truck driver or similar who's been creating an MN "identity" for a while and offering used baby goods just to entrap another young mum.

However ..... having established that you are NOT said truck driver, then to not even acknowledge you is very very rude and ungrateful indeed. Yep .... having been kindly given an item of that value for free I personally would have thought a small return gesture was in order, even if it were a nicely written thank you card.

As for making this public - why not ? It isn't a misunderstanding here, it's not a case of 1 Mner saying something to another which has maybe been misconstrued and is therefore subjective, it's a definite case of someone being rude. If said person has been happy enough to use MN as a medium for acquiring goods free of charge they should also be adult enough to bear being shamed on same forum.

WideWebWitch · 26/06/2006 16:55

And I would definitely have taken wine or something if someone here was offering me something free. In fact, I'd have searched on their name to see what they liked, I'm that thoughtful (or stalkerish, depending on your pov), me.

Original poster
miffedofwandsworth · 26/06/2006 16:58

well SG, I don't think I'm being rude posting about it. I'm being very covert and nobody is going to work out who I am or who the other person is.

The other person is someone who only uses the 'wanted' and 'sale' boards - I should have checked beforehand really but well, I didn't, it wasn't someone known to me. But I always think that most people are basically nice So I was being a bit naive there.

I gave away something else to another mumsnetter a while ago and she gave me some lovely bottles of wine - I didn't even expect that, really (and had made it perfectly clear that I wanted nothing in return).

As for the uneasiness about strangers online - whilst I knew nothing about her I willingly gave her my phone number and address, so I think it'd be a bit rich to use that as an excuse (if that's what her excuse would be). She could have looked me up on MN - I've been a regular for 5 years, I'd have to be a very determined hairy trucker to go to all that effort of talking about tantrums and homebirths just to lure someone to my house 5 years down the line!

OP posts:
FioFio · 26/06/2006 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 26/06/2006 17:00

Oh, it's someone who ONLY uses for sale boards? Well, they won't see this then. And they won't care if you're upset since they don't come to other parts of the site I reckon.

Original poster
miffedofwandsworth · 26/06/2006 17:01

www, I looked her up afterwards and she's never ventured any further than those - so I reckon I can say what I like.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 26/06/2006 17:02

I quite agree! What a fking LIBERTY!

LIZS · 26/06/2006 17:05

Perhaps then this sadly just serves to reinforce the stereotype of those who exclusively use the MN Classifieds. Wonder if she'd even paid to CAT ? Maybe I'm cynical, but hope for your sanity's sake that whatever you got parted with does n't mysteriously reappear as a For Sale or ebay item

AnnieQ · 26/06/2006 17:06

I bet she's only had it from you to sell on again; I got stung that way once with someone who only uses buying/selling.

You should name her. Think of it as a public service - help stop someone else making the same mistake.

chubbleigh · 26/06/2006 17:09

You want to watch out that is doesn't turn up on ebay in very near future. Cynical of me but possible.

moondog · 26/06/2006 17:09

How appalling!
IO have recieved thanks for everything I have ever passed on,no matter how small.

I never look at 'Wanted' stuff.
It is ripe for exploitation

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