Please reassure me about people coming to weddings.

[Smurfgirl]

We are going to book the reception place for our wedding soon (here ) and you have to give approximate numbers for guests when you reserve it. We have put down some vague numbers but now I am cacking myself and thinking that nobody will bother to come and it will be a big embarrasing empty day.

It will be in October so I have got it in my head that because its not in wedding season people won't come. Also its in an area that none of our friends or family live in so again will that put people off? We will be inviting children and there is cheap accommodation nearby etc. Just feels like I am asking a lot from people to come all that way just for my wedding...

lol. do they pay you a bonus if you get the numbers right?

sorry. not helpful!

for our wedding I divided the list of guests into definates, probables and maybes and then assumed 90% of the first group would come (because you never know if they're going to have another baby or something), 60% of the second and 40% of the third. Since your wedding isn't in spain I'd use higher percentages. I was about 5 out as i recall

I got married at the end of November, gloriously sunny day, whoda thunk it?! Everyone I invited came except my now FIL, who lived 5 miles away but couldn't be arsed (Oh yeah and my BIL but as he and my DH don't get on, that was a good thing). My sister drove all the way from Portsmouth and back in a single day - and we lived in Suffolk at the time so we're talking c. 400 mile round trip, simply not to miss the event, which I really appreciated.

I had a small wedding, family only (but as my family is enormous, it was c. 40 people). No fancy stuff, we actually had a Christmas dinner in the local Caffe Uno, because it was Xmas party season, there was 20% off if you ordered from the Xmas menu, so I just told my guests the Xmas menu was all that was available

If I were you, I would scrap the expensive place and just have a knees-up that everyone could come to. But that's me - this is your wedding and it has to be the way you want it. I would explain to people that they are welcome to come to the church but you've had to keep numbers for the formal sit-down bit very limited because of cost. Maybe offer to arrange for a table for anyone who wants to to have a sit-down meal together at the nearest semi-decent but not too cheapo place (at their expense) - and join you for the evening do?

I don't go to weddings where I'm invited for the evening only, they tend not to be local in my case.

I think you need to decide what is most important to you. If it's seeing the people you care about, you might need to sacrifice the posh place. If you want the fabulous posh place you might need to sacrifice some of the people. I don't mean that in a 'you are shallow' kind of way - I had to upset quite a number of friends by not inviting them to my wedding when they had invited me to theirs. Because I wanted a low-key do and was planning it fairly quickly (and dh was very unwell) I just had to make a rule of 'family only'. It's always a compromise, you just need to find the right one for you. And congratulations!

We got married the weekend following all the fuel shortages in 2000. Only 1 guest didn't come because of it.
Of those we invited only 3 didn't come including this 1 person.

sp. Not but they bloody charge you if you are under. Have 40 that are immediate family so they are pretty much 100%s and only 2 of those could have a baby in that time.

Thanks for the advice. Think I just have a grumpy grandad, he also said that getting married on a sat was bad because people would have to take time off work ;)

tribpot you have given me a lot to think about, your wedding sounds lovely
dp will not entertain anything other than formal do in country house and if i am honest i want a trad day (not poncy though i hope)

thanks again for your input! i only have 1 friend who is married so this is v.helpful

We had about an extra 40 at night so about 65 in total. I booked a buffet for 40, yes 40 and guess what there wa plenty food and still loads left. Cal me a cheapskate but I wasn't (well mum wasn't paying for too much food just so the staf could scoff it all .

The figures for the meal will be the ones you have to get as close as possible but for in the evening give a lower number anyway, I bet there will still be plenty, honest.

we had a family from doncaster who came to our evening wedding reception and had to drive all the way back home afterwards. they still came with their kids. it was great.

we also had guests froms France and Switzerland to came to london especially for our wedding.

so be assured that most people will come and only those that cant have, broken their leg 1 week before, could not make it for work & travel reasons but they were travelling from the states, relative dying.

we've also been to a wedding where one guest went to the reception and his wife had only given birth a couple of hrs before ...!!

IMO the meal sholud be for the nearest and dearest anyway, not neighbours and longlost friends.

I had the total ecomomy wedding I suppose, I sat down with the function manager and worked out the chepest menu possible, but called it fancy names on the menu. Things like asking would it be cheaper for normal veg rather than punny baby veg. Plus I haggled to get bridal suite free, and I got it .

My best advice for weddings keep it simple and keep it for you and future DH. Less to go wrong and you don't kill yourself running around in circles trying to please everyone.

We married in November, the reception was in a similar but smaller version of the hotel you are going for. It was perfect for the pictures as it was freezing and dull outside, I remember being heckled from the bar by my guests while getting pics done in the next room.

my god - I grew up about a mile from there. How wonderful that you can get married there! It's a lovely location, the trees etc look lovely in the winter. My wedding photographer also said that you get the best photos in the rain - everyone enjoys themselves and the light is fab for the pictures apparently. I hope you have a great time

Eeek I am from Yarm so its very near the church etc and its fab isn't it. Skribble we chose it for the lovely pic opps inside if it rains, we will be having the cheapest possible meal and then we are doing the cake/invites etc ourselfs. Just splashing out for the reception itself.

I grew up on Teesside too, in REdcar. My family still live there. I know this venue and it is lovely.

I got married in Saltburn.

Hope you have a lovely day!

SmurfGirl it sounds fab, i did all the invites, menus etc and made my own favours from pare roses and heathers, nobody believed that we made them, aprt from MIL who had to help me glue all the stems when we discovered them unraveling .

We got the flowers from a local place that is also a grocers, all the posh places had preprint brochures with lovely bouquets, she was the only one who had actual pictures of her own work. Bargain price even though it was all roses. We got 6 pew ends for £6 each, we took them with us and put them along the tables for the meal, I gave these out along with my own favours at the end of the night.

Have you seen the comedy sketch, where every time they try to get a price for everything it doubles when they find out its for a wedding, too true .

Smurfgirl, I don't think your wedding plans sound poncey - you have what you want, girl! You could always have a small wedding and then a bigger bash later, Skribble is dead right that the cost doubles as soon as they know it's a wedding; I made darn sure the Caffe Uno didn't work out what the occasion was, in fact I got a £25 voucher as the party 'organiser', as if was an office Xmas do and I was the departmental secretary

Oh Northerner, Saltburn! How lovely. I grew up in Guisborough but got married at Swinton Park Hotel in Masham when 4 months pregnant with DD3. It was a joint wedding with my sister, 5 months pregnant with her second. Our main criteria was that the service, reception and accomodation be under the same roof to make the whole event relaxed and easy for us and family. There were 20 adults and 11 children in all. And we hired a mobile creche which dd2 refused to go in .

Smurfgirl, the venue looks lovely - I'd go for less people for the whole event as its simpler. We had a first anniversary party and invited friends for a bash to make up for not inviting them to the wedding. Nobody minded and we had two lovely events to remember.

The advice I was given was to make a list of everyone we were inviting. Then next to each person put down what you reckon the chance is of that person coming (e.g. 0.5 for a 50% chance, 0.75 for a 75% chance, 1 if you are absolutely certain they'll be there). Then add up all the numbers and you'll have a reasonable idea of how many guests you'll have. Probably some people you thought would probably come won't be able to, while some people you never expected to show will be there, but overall the numbers are likely to work out.

Personally would travel (assuming we're talking significant distances here) just for an evening do if it was in an area I fancied visiting so I could make a weekend of it with the reception just a highlight, otherwise I'd probably decline. I think you are more likely to have people come in October because they are less likely to be double-booked with other weddings or summer holidays.

We had about 85-90% positive uptake on ours, I think, although it was in the middle of flu season so we had a hanbdful of last-minute cancellations (actually worked out quite well as we had a couple of last minute "ooh, I can come after all"s)

Emmylou I have aunties and a Grandma in Guisborough and my Mum went to Lawrence Jackson school.

Masham is lovely too. I live not too far from there now. My wedd reception was at Rushpool Hall.

Have only read OP. Most people love a good wedding and are thrilled to be invited (or is that just me?) - so I expect your friends will be keen to come.

It looks like a lovely venue

Agree with handlemecarefully. People are ready to go to a lot of trouble to support you and make your wedding a success.

Ours was on 5 January, when people were spent up and partied out, and it was fantastic. And people travelled hundreds of miles.

Being invited to your wedding, any part of it, is an honour and a compliment. Most people will take it as such. The rest, you can accept their regrets with a good grace - better off without them.

Enjoy your day with the people who really want to be with you .

Northerner - my dad still lives in Guisborough too. Wonder if your mum and i shared any of the same teachers?

ditto HMC and eemie - I'm always so pleased to be invited to a wedding. The only time I've felt it was a bit odd was when I had children and none of my friends did, but for one friend's wedding I was invited to the evening bash only (over 200 miles away). Logistically impossible especially when breast feeding.

Hi,
Not sure if this answers your question but for our big day (5 weeks tomorrow - aarrgghh!!) we've invited everyone to everything but being a v. anal manager I put a tick box slip at the bottom asking people to let me know if they could attend (a) the ceremony (b) the lunch and (c) the evening do. About 6 out of the 50 aren't coming to the evening - so I'm glad I asked in advance 'cos I knew exactly who's coming to what and how much food to sort out!

Emmlou I know there was a PE teacher there called Mrs Sanders/Saunders? as she taught at my scool aswell as LJ. She was mean with a hockey stick!

I like Guisborough, great market on a Saturday.