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Original poster

Thinking of leaving Partner..... Please help

11 replies

JoshuasMummy · 14/06/2006 09:27

Hi

I have bee with my partner for just over 4 years and we have a 17 month old son together, we brought our first house together in November last year, I think I want to leave as I feel our relationship is more like a brother/sister thing now! I am so confused and my stomach is in knots! Havent been able to eat for the last few days! I have felt like this for a long time, but have always kept my feelings pushed to the back of my mind, but on saturday night, I had a few drinks and talked about it to a friend for the first time, and now I cant stop thiking about it! I dont want to move back with my parents, but have no idea how much money i will have as a single mum! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

OP posts:
FioFio · 14/06/2006 09:27

This reply has been deleted

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spacedonkey · 14/06/2006 09:30

Hi JM

It sounds like you're at that point where you've suddenly had a moment of clarity that things aren't right between you, and the kneejerk reaction is to have thoughts about separating, but as fio says, have you talked with him about it?

Do you still love him? Is it that sex has gone out of the window after having your ds?

Original poster
JoshuasMummy · 14/06/2006 09:35

I dont think I do still love him?? Sex is a no no, I am not interested at all, no desire to have sex at all! I know if we didnt have my son, we wouldnt be togther. When I fell pregnant it wasnt planned and he did not want the baby. I made the huge decision that i would keep the baby whether or not he was going to stay, He eventually decided he did want to be there, and i cant fault him, he is a good dad (most of the time) And I know it will devestate him, if i said i was leaving, becuase he adores his son.

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 14/06/2006 09:37

I would definitely talk it over with him before making any firm decision JM

Original poster
JoshuasMummy · 14/06/2006 09:38

Not talked it through with him, he would go mad try and throw me out our house (he has physically tried to throw me out when we were having an arguement once!) he seems to think it is his house as he pays all the bills mortgage ect. and he did have about 60k to put down as a deposit! But...everything is in joint name!! He has no idea how I am feeling!

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 14/06/2006 09:41

If you can't talk with him for fear of his reaction, then I have to agree with you that your relationship is in severe trouble Sad Sounds like a complete breakdown of communication to me, which isn't a basis for a good relationship. Perhaps you could take ds and stay with family for a while to get a bit of perspective on the situation? But somehow you do need to let him know how you are feeling I think.

Original poster
JoshuasMummy · 14/06/2006 09:46

I want him to leave me!!! (I think that must be the cowards way out!!) We all live in the same little village My parents, grandparents, his parents! Its going to be so hard! I would like to stay as we are but just live apart, Because I feel we are just good friends! But are break-ups ever freindly happy ones?!?!

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 14/06/2006 09:47

Sorry JM but if you are good friends then you would be able to talk with him about how you are feeling. It sounds to me like you are scared!

Original poster
JoshuasMummy · 14/06/2006 09:57

Yes definatly scared! Scared of a number of things...
1 he will throw me out and keep my son in the house,
2 he will try and get custody of my boy,

3 he has threatened to kill me before if i take his son away from him!

4 scared of being on my own (i ditched all my friends when we first got together)

What a mess!!!

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 14/06/2006 10:01

OK, so not good friends then.

If I were you I would write him a letter and get out. If you are fearing for your safety then make sure you're somewhere safe: with your parents or in a refuge if necessary. If he is threatening you, get the police involved.

Sorry you're in this situation - I haven't been there, so I don't have any specific advice but I know other mners have.

Good luck x

Tortington · 14/06/2006 10:43

you need to squirrel away some money starting now until to make any decision.

all women should have their own bank account.and have access to money - just in case.

you need to go to the CAB and see a benefits advisor and ask them about the legal implications with your house.

are you prepared to live in social housing?

somepeople value money and social status over their own happiness - so its a good question to ask yourself...are you willing to do without "stuff" - a nice house, car, etc etc

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