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Original poster

crying babies - how long to leave

16 replies

squirmyworm · 10/02/2004 10:19

ok chaps...am I a mean mum? when my 17 week old cries - I don't mean at night when he's supposed to be sleeping, but during the day when I've say, popped him on a play mat for a few mins - I always rush over and pick him up and feel I can't leave him to cry. However, I have read that by his age, a baby should reasonably be expected to amuse him/herself for say 30 mins at a time by kicking on a mat or under a gym so I'm thinking that I might be better to get him used to this by not responding to his every sob. What do you do?

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 10/02/2004 10:27

Depends upon the intensity of the crying...I could probably ignore a grumpy grizzle for 10 minutes or so, but a really big sobbing session would have me responding promptly.

I can't remember my dd being great at amusing herself as young as 17 weeks - it took a heck of a lot longer than that. If finances permit why not get her two or three different baby gyms (with different hanging objects) so that you can rotate her around them a bit to keep things fresh for her.

handlemecarefully · 10/02/2004 10:28

Sorry I meant to say 'him' not 'her' !

Jane101 · 10/02/2004 10:36

I'd hug him.

Welshmum · 10/02/2004 10:49

Maybe he doesn't like the baby gym? Maybe it's too much for him - you don't say what he's been doing before he goes on the playmat but if he's been 'playing' with you it might just be too much stimulation? Perhaps he's be happier if you put him in some sort of baby rocker instead - so he could see what you were up to - it would leave you with your hands free to get on with stuff (if he liked it)Good luck

motherinferior · 10/02/2004 10:51

I don't think dd2 has ever gone for the baby gym in a big way - unlike her sister who could chill out under it for HOURS. Very inconvenient it was too.

hercules · 10/02/2004 10:54

my dd is the same age and would never last this long under her gym. I would agree with hadlemecarefully and aso put her in arocker to watch me if i need to do something.

Fennel · 10/02/2004 11:08

Mine would go maybe 10 minutes amusing themselves at this age, I wasn't particularly quick to pick them up but they just got bored. You could try varying their position - i.e. dd1 really loved sitting in a babynest at this age (being propped on cushions is cheaper but didn't work as well).
also try putting on his front for variety (though mine hated this some love it)

agree about changing the toys on the babygym, try little jangly mobiles, kitchen utensils, shiny things, mirrors.

Epigirl · 10/02/2004 17:06

I would follow your gut feeling, whatever that tells you, and not listen to what a baby 'should' be able to do. You know your baby better than anyone else/a book.

BTW, neither of mine could amuse themselves for anything like 30 minutes at 17 weeks.

lydialemon · 10/02/2004 17:41

Hi Squirmy,
I don't think you are a mean mum at all. DD won't lay on a play mat at all, she hates laying down. I have to leave her propped up in the corner of the sofa, or with one of those triangular nursing cushions, or in a play nest.

I think half an hour is a long time too, but do they mean with you pottering around or amusing themselves with you out of sight? I can put DD in her bouncy chair with a toy bar on it (damn thing won't fit on our pushchair!) and have her in the kitchen with me whilst I cook dinner and she's generally happy, but if she can't see me all hell breaks loose!

Don't worry about what you read, every child and parent is an individual, go with your instincts!

Lisa78 · 10/02/2004 18:40

Hi SW DS2 is 14 weeks and won't go half an hour like that! He will go about 20 minutes amusing himself but only if its something quite new or if he can see me
I tend to sit him in his chair with different toys hung off the bar, and cart him around the house with me
As to crying, I ignore a grumpy grizzle for about 10 mins before going to him but if he properly cries, I go straight away; if he is "playing" I try and soothe him by chattering or playing with him - rarely works though
HTH

Mumsymummy · 12/03/2004 17:07

would appreciate some advice - my 16 week old dd has gone from happy baby to miserable - crying and restless. I seem to have to carry her around the house and even then she whinges - it is driving me crazy! She feeds and sleeps quite well - it is just that when she is awake she seems unhappy. I thought it might be boredom but she is the same if we are out.

two · 12/03/2004 17:16

30 minutes!!!!!!!! at 17 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only. I don't know who gave you that advice, but being on child no 2 and having lots of babies around me, i can assure you, your baby is totally normmal. Every child is different but agree with some here that seems that babies do seem to get bored of the baby gym. Have you tried a seat (oe of those bouncy chairs) or a baby car seat placed where they can see what you are doing and hand various objects that he sees you use, eg spoons, wooden spatulas? Sometimes, things from everyday life seem to really entice babies at that stage, more so than toys. And if he is near you, he doesn't feel like yu've left him. Even a plastic measuring jug did thetrick sometimes with my daughter. If u keep talking in an animated way (god knows you prob haven't got that much energy!) but that can help, cos it sort of compensates for physical contact (for a short while).

Things get easier - ish when the baby can move around, I think. Til then, keep changing the vantage point if you can and kind of distract them, but for a while, it's totally par for the course for babies to beckon as SOON AS YOU TRY AND HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE - CRAFTY DEVILS!!!!

aloha · 12/03/2004 17:30

Mumsymummy, how long has this been going on? It could be teething or she could be ill - not seriously I mean, but getting a cold or an infection. Have a look at her gums!

aloha · 12/03/2004 17:34

My ds would happily go under his babygym for,oooh, three minutes at a time? Nothing entertained him (how I wished he was interested in spoons and sponges!) and had to carry him everywhere at that age. I got good at doing things one handed. Thankfully you only need one free hand to drink wine - and a husband to open the bottle Sorry.
Two things that friends recommended for very 'demanding' babies are one of those swinging chairs that you wind up or are battery operated, or Baby Einstein videos. They might buy you enough time to make a sandwich.

Mumsymummy · 12/03/2004 18:04

aloha - there is a tooth poking through but it has been ther for about 3 weeks -maybe you are right and she is teething...thanks

aloha · 12/03/2004 18:48

Try a spot of Calpol if you suspect teeth. If she cheers up, you know what you are dealing with...

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