Single moms of 3 or more..... How do you cope ????

[nutcracker]

As you may already know from other threads, i have not been happy with my dp for ages now. I have tried to convince myself that it will work and that i just have to work at it but i'm kidding myself. I don't love him and haven't been so miserable for a long time.
The main reason i haven't kicked him out yet is because i'm not sure i could cope with my 3 kids on my own (they are 6,4 and 1). I don't work and don't think i'd cope very well on the benefits i' get. I went on a site for income support and worked out that i'd get about 170 a week, but does that include child benefit ??
In alot of ways i think i'd be alot happier if he weren't here so hopefully this would be reflected in my kids and the rest of our lives but i just don't know. I feel like such a coward for not just telling him to go but i'm scared .

nutty i just went on the DSS website and got this info:

Allowance for you : 54.65
Allowance for each child : 38.50
Family Premium : 15.75

making a weekly total of 185.90

then your child benefit will be in addition to this - CB is a totally separate thing paid regardless of any other income

HTH

Thanx for that Sacemonkey. I hadn't got the family prmium down so i will get more than i thought then. That seems like alot to me. 743.60 a month plus my 150 a month child benefit 893.60. I think that works oput to more than my dp earns a week. I'm sure i could cope on that. I am quite good at economising, especially on food and clothes.
It just makes me feel like such a failiure. My mom and dad divorced when i was 11 and i went through a terrible custody battle. To be honest thats one of the reasons i never married dp.

Well i'm not going to ask him to go yet as then we will have to 2 weeks of fighting before he actually goes.
The only other thing bothering me is that i may then lose some of my overcrowding points and be stuck here forever. They will know that he's gine becuase the rent will be being payed by the housing.

nutty i understand that feeling of failure - my mum was married 3 times, none of her relationships lasted longer than 5 or 6 years at the most, and i think that's a lot of the reason i stuck with my H for so long (11 years) - I too didn't want to put my kids through what I'd been through as a child

Is there any way for you to find out what effect H leaving would have on your housing points?

If you are on benefits, they now let you keep the first £5 of maintenance. Generous huh!

Also Nutcracker, re the car - once you've got one, it's easier to keep it, than to buy another one again. And without it, the isolation is something chronic. I don't know where you live, but I find that I'm able to take the kids out to country parks, the beach etc., and that really does make up for the fact that we can't afford holidays - we don't need them.

Re your partner not seeing his kids because he doesn't have a car - remember, his relationship with his children is his responsibility, not yours. It's up to him to maintain his contact with them, don't fall into the trap of taking responsibility for it - I tried for two years to get my ex to even phone his children regularly, but one of the reasons I split with him was because I was sick and tired of taking responsibility for his life - and I realised I was still doing so after I'd thrown him out! So I've given up now; I'm responsible for my relationship with my kids, I'm responsible for making it as easy and painless for my children to see their father as I can; but I am not responsible for making him take his duties as a father seriously. I can only facilitate, I can't force him. And I can't feel that I'm responsible when he can't be bothered to see them - and you shouldn't feel responsible for your DP seeing his kids either, because it is an impotent, helpless state to be in and you'll be seething with fury all the time if you take on that task....

Ello lovelies,
Happy new year to you all!! I am a mum of two boys and I am in a crap situation.. I met T when my eldest was 8mths old (as his real dad didn't want to know so from day one of me concieving I knew i was on my own).. Things went well for a while, we had some good laughs.. he was being there for my boy, as he had no other father figure in his life.. I then fell pregnant with my second boy and from the moment I started showing our relationship starting going all wrong, he changed, wouldn't come near me, touch me, wouldnt give me any loving at all.. when boy2 was born I thought everything would be ok.. But no, it got worse. He wasn't really supportive and family based, i would talk about money and he would get really shitty and walk away..I suffered from post natel depression and that was just an excuse to stay away at his mates.. We have since then just been spliting up and getting back together.. As for boy1 he really had the brant of it coz in the middle of spliting and having huge rows he said he didn't want boy1 anymore he would just take boy2 (as he was having them everyother weekend) can you imagine.. It was so horrible!! It broke and affected boy1 BIG TIME!! I had to sit my 3yr old at the time and tell him that his seed daddy lived far away, and that T was boy2 seed daddy.. I know i have got to just be normal and relaxed about things as this is the life I have lead myself to.. Not wanting it to work out like this at all.. As for T he doesn't live with me,I kicked him out when it was all kicking off.. (BACK AT HIS MUMS) a long time ago and our relationship won't go any further then him staying a couple of nights, helping me sort the boys ready for bed.. (which now boy1 is still calling him daddy, and T is going along with that for the time being) I am just really miserable and really concerned that if I was to say to T "see you later" then it would back fire on my boys and boy1 will start resenting boy2, boy1 feeling neglected again by not really having any father figure there.. he will always have my family which dote on him rotton.. but i would rather myself be unhappy then my kids.. But then that is affecting boy1 as he is so clued up with his surroundings he senses my unhappiness.. BLoody how this mummy lark is difficult a?? Sorry if i have gone off on one but does anyone have any advise please xx

Sorry just to add on.. I may aswell be single coz T doesn't do anything when he is round anyway apart from irriate me and wind the boys up.. don't get me wrong the boys idolise him and he is a good dad but just a crap partner? WHAT SHALL I DO???