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Original poster

No pudding until main course is eaten up?

63 replies

Wallace · 08/02/2004 20:51

Ds (4y7m) was at a friends house yesterday, and when he came home he was upset because his friend's mum wouldn't let him have any ice-cream because he hadn't finished what was on his plate.
Now I know a lot of people have this rule, and my mum used to say this a lot (but not enforce it extremely strictly!), but it does seem a bit harsh, especially as ds was at somebody elses house, and he may not have even liked the food he was given.
At home ds and dd eat what they want of what is on their plate, and then when they have had enough they get a piece of fruit (usually) for pudding...I don't see the point of me with holding their fruit, just because they didn't eat every single thing in front of them. I suppose I feel that they will eat enough to fill themselves up, and as long as they are being offered a healthy range of food, it doesn't really matter.
Anyway, that is my view, but the reason I am posting this here is to get the "Mumsnet wisdom" take on this...

PS I have posted on mumsnet before, but have changed my nickname because my previous one was far to close to my real name, and I was starting to worry that people from the Real World would recognise me

OP posts:

Oakmaiden · 08/02/2004 21:23

As a general rule ds enjoys eating everything I cook (lucky, I know). But we DO have a no pudding if you have left your main course rule - this doesn't in my opinion make pudding a reward, but I do know that when we didn't have this rule ds would eat nothing, because he knew pudding was coming. So since I know that he likes pretty much everything I operate on the basis that if he is hungry he will eat his main course, and if he isn't then he won't want pudding. If we should be eating something that I amm not certain he likes, then I would be less strict. But I thinkit is fair - if I am not hunry enough to finish my food (does sometimes happen!) I certainly don't give myself dessert. I don't say "You can have pudding if you finsih..." though - I phase it "If you are not hungry enough for a, then you're not hungry enough for b". As I said, with a little encouragement he eats most things, and I always put a bot less on his plate than I think he will want - he can always ask for more, but it saves him having to eat food that really is too much for him.

Original poster

Wallace · 08/02/2004 21:23

Thanks for everyone's input. I think one reason I was bothered about ds' friend's mum, is that we get on really well, and usually agree about most things.
I agree mealtimes will prob get more difficult as ds and dd get older and deliberately try to manipulate me I am hoping though that being relaxed about mealtimes means they won't become a battleground (have heard horror stories about friends when they were kids being told they couldn't leave the table until they had eaten their (insert disgusting food here) and them sitting there for hours thinking "I'll show the b*h. I won't eat it"

So I have high hopes about avoiding this type of scenario. BTW this coming from me, a mum who was unbearably smug when her toddler ds would eat anything in front of him, and thought to myself (and probably outloud cringe)that I had weaned him "properly", given him a good range of foods, introduced him to our meals (tailored to his needs, no salt, etc..naturally...) AND THEN..what happened? The little bugger got sooo fussy! Taught me a lesson

OP posts:

twiglett · 08/02/2004 21:26

message withdrawn

Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:34

wallace horray for you - we can all get smug and I see this with my friends babies - oh look he likes olives and i think (yes well he bloody won't when he's 8 and is worrying that they contaminate his food!!)

also the lure of a fruit winder...!!

Jimjams · 08/02/2004 21:44

Wallace I was smug mum as well when ds1 was tiny. I was exactly the same.

And now- at 4- he will eat, gluten free bread with various things on top (and seeds etc hidden in the bread). Gluten free pizza (although he tedns to just eat the base), buckwheat pancake with cheese hidden in it, fromage frais, yoghurts, apples, chips (eventually after 2 years of trying), raisins, prunes, apricots, scrambled egg sometimes (again success after years of trying), ready salted crisps. And thats it.

The main problem I have now is that ds2 copies everything ds1 does, so he is becoming fussy. I keep trying to et him see other children eating- which does encourage him. IN fact we are going to stop him being gluten free at nursery in the hope that he will start to eat the same as the other children.

Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:45

I have decided to give ds2 and 3 a big lunch when ds1 is at school JImJams to avoid that problem - and ds2 will eat real meat and casserole etc (even haggis) but wouldnt if ds1 "errred" his way though it.

Jimjams · 08/02/2004 21:55

in my nievity (sp?) I thought that ds1 would copy ds2. Ho ho ho- he can't copy- he's never copied anything in his life, we are going to have to pay someone to come and teach him to copy- why on earth would he copy ds2 eating?

Ds2 on the other hand copies everything ds1 does.

DS2 does eat ham though becuase my friend's ds (who is 9 months older and worshipped by ds2) eats it.

Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:56

ds1 went off ham recently for about a year till he smelled ds2 eating some smoked ham and decided it smelled like bacon....!

bossykate · 08/02/2004 22:47

ds doesn't get "pudding" at home, he gets fruit and that's all. i'm with tw, i'm not setting up certain fetish foods for him - there's no way i'd deny him fruit just because he didn't want his main course. in fact, i try not to do food battles at al. the only time i find this problematic is on social occasions. in the interests of consistency i don't make a big deal of it if he won't eat a main course, and i won't baffle him by suddenly moving the goalposts and saying he can't have the ice cream, apple crumble or whatever we are served at friends' houses.

handlemecarefully · 09/02/2004 08:46

I do withhold dessert from my dd if she hasn't eaten ANY of her savoury dish (happens sometimes!), but if she has had a go and tried a fair amount of it then she can have pudding...

mears · 09/02/2004 08:48

Pudding in our house is a yogurt. Can't remember when we has something nice

Janh · 09/02/2004 09:12

Yogurt is nice!

SueW · 09/02/2004 09:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2004 09:53

We use the "no pudding" threat. It's not strictly enforced in that if they are really reluctant to eat everything then we split off a portion and they have to finish that. We do it because otherwise they would eat no vegetables - I wouldn't enforce this for any of them when we have guest children round.

twiglett · 09/02/2004 10:02

message withdrawn

Kayleigh · 09/02/2004 10:12

I use the "no pudding threat" for ds2 if he is messing about with his food and not eating at all. As long as he has made an attempt and eaten a reasonable amount (not a lot as he has a small appetite)then he will have yoghurt. With ds1 there is no need for threats as he usually finishes all his meal, and if he doesn't it's because he doesn't like something. If this is the case I would never "make" him eat something he had tried and not liked. Ds1 has yoghurt and/or fruit for pudding. At weekends if they have eaten well they occasionally have a chocolate mousse, ice cream or a Yogz as a treat.

And I would never make a visiting child eat all his/her food before I gave a pudding.

aloha · 09/02/2004 10:17

I think that was spectacularly mean. Poor little boy, no wonder he was upset. I think we often give little children far too much dinner to eat anyway and they get sick of ploughing through it. Personally, I never withhold pudding as a punishment for not eating the main course. After all, I can be very picky about what I fancy to eat (very much so as a child - vegetables made me feel sick) and hate the idea of making food an issue with ds. I think fruit and yoghurt and stuff is just as nutritious as pasta if not more so!

lazyeye · 09/02/2004 10:21

No, I couldn't do this. Sometimes the pud is all they fancy and I've had too many battles over meals and it doesn't work.......if its something like yog or jelly or even cake, I just give it to them. I would much rather just see them eat something..........think its extra cruel to make a visitor go without pud. Poor wee thing.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2004 10:30

I have memories of being forced to eat semolina as a very young child. I can still remember how it made me gag so I try not to force DSs to eat anything as they genuinely might hate it.

aloha · 09/02/2004 11:03

Soupy, semolina is SO disgusting. I remember having to learn to make it at school and taking it home in jar - only it leaked all over my school books and set rock hard. I had to chisel semolina off all my stuff.

twiglett · 09/02/2004 11:15

message withdrawn

jac34 · 09/02/2004 11:25

Always enforce the "no pudding" rule but ease up on guests.
On day while DH was home with the kids, the naibours DD was round at lunch time.He gave them all his home made Pizza, as she's older than our DS's he gave her quite a large portion and she ate every scrap.He offered more, adding which would you prefere just the cheese& tomato or the one with pepperoni, to which she answered,"No thank you, I didn't like either of them"!!! LOL

katierocket · 09/02/2004 11:32

personally I don't have this rule.
For DS making an issue out of "you eat it all or get no pudding" makes him less likely to eat it not more. I try to be relaxed about it (without being taken for a mug) and he seems fairly relaxed too. yesterday for e.g. he ate all main course at tea and didn't even ask for pudding. I assumed he was full and he happily went off to play.
can see it might be a bit different as they get older (DS is 2.6) but I think what happened to your ds is just mean.

marialuisa · 09/02/2004 12:58

I have too many memories of evil dinner ladies at school to have this sort of "rule". However, if DD really hasn't touched her main course and it's something I know she's happy to eat, I will do the "well, you can't possibly be hungry for pudding" thing to get her to eat something. generally she's a little pig though

I do think it's really out of order to do this to a visitor, there's a big difference between this and a "no jumping on the sofa" house rule. A friend's mother did this to me when I was about 6, she wouldn't let me leave the table until I'd eaten pork, well my family doesn't eat pork, effectively for religious reasons, so I was stuck. My mum had told friend's mum about this but she forgot and thought I was being difficult. I was invited around several times after that, but never went back (my choice!)

Thomcat · 09/02/2004 13:10

I think I might have this rule if lottie turned into a kid who wouldn't eat her dinner becasue she knew she was going to get ice-cream in a minute instead, then again she's never had ice-cream for desert so.....

She eats as much savory food as she can, or that I can persuade her to eat, then has fruit and a yoghurt and then if she still has room I'll give her some banana cake or something like that.

I think it was a bit mean of the mum.

Perhaps if she gave fruit rather than ice-cream she wouldn't mind them having desert!
What was the dinner that had to eat - microwavable sausages and fried chips??!!

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