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Original poster

No pudding until main course is eaten up?

63 replies

Wallace · 08/02/2004 20:51

Ds (4y7m) was at a friends house yesterday, and when he came home he was upset because his friend's mum wouldn't let him have any ice-cream because he hadn't finished what was on his plate.
Now I know a lot of people have this rule, and my mum used to say this a lot (but not enforce it extremely strictly!), but it does seem a bit harsh, especially as ds was at somebody elses house, and he may not have even liked the food he was given.
At home ds and dd eat what they want of what is on their plate, and then when they have had enough they get a piece of fruit (usually) for pudding...I don't see the point of me with holding their fruit, just because they didn't eat every single thing in front of them. I suppose I feel that they will eat enough to fill themselves up, and as long as they are being offered a healthy range of food, it doesn't really matter.
Anyway, that is my view, but the reason I am posting this here is to get the "Mumsnet wisdom" take on this...

PS I have posted on mumsnet before, but have changed my nickname because my previous one was far to close to my real name, and I was starting to worry that people from the Real World would recognise me

OP posts:
suzywong · 08/02/2004 20:53

very anal and oldfashioned IMO, what a controlling old boot (the friend's mum)

beetroot · 08/02/2004 20:53

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misdee · 08/02/2004 20:55

i tend to relax the 'rules' when dd has friends over. but then i dont really enforce the rule too much here as dd's are fussy picky eaters anyway.

nutcracker · 08/02/2004 20:55

AAh thats not very nice at all. I always tell my kids that they can't have pudding if they don't eat all of there dinner, but i very rarely enforceit. I will usually compromise (if you eat all your peas e.t.c.)
I certainly wouldn't stop another persons child from having any pudding. Like you said, they may not like all of the food but be to polite to say.

Janh · 08/02/2004 20:55

Same here, beetroot. House rules don't apply to visitors (or to hosts of visitors). That's just mean.

Jimjams · 08/02/2004 20:59

Oh don't even get me started on this. Ds1 attended an evil nursery before his current one.

He couldn't use knife and fork (I explained this when he joined at 18 months- at the time of the incident he was 21 months- he's now 4 and a hald and still can't use a knife and fork-0 as it turns out he dyspraxic - anyway I digress).

Went to pick him up found him screaming on the floor - asked why. He'd been told off for not using his spoon and fork, and then because he hadn't finished his dinner (becuase he couldn't bloody eat it of course) was not allowed pudding. The meal was chicken nuggets and chips. And thanks to that sodding nursery he hasn't ever eaten meat again- to this day- or fish.

He was taken out of therer fairly soon afterwards (the manager telling me it was my fault he didn't speak didn't endear me to her, and turning up to find him sat on a chair by himself in a room whilst all the other children were next door was the final straw- he's autistic btw as you probably know).

Bozza · 08/02/2004 21:00

Our rules are like Beetroot's and JanH's - ie relaxed when we are or have visitor's. I also enforce the no pudding rule more strictly if it is cake or ice-cream than if it is fruit or yoghurt.

hulababy · 08/02/2004 21:00

I wouldn't enforce such a rule with visitors ever. DD is still very young (22mo) but I don't (and don't intend) to have such a strict rule anyway. I will try and balance her meals anyway. If she leaves food for whatever reason I simply remove it and if I think she is still hungry I gove her fruit or yogurt. Other times if all her food has been eaten I will let her have a more 'naughty' dessert.

Bozza · 08/02/2004 21:00

Snap Hulababy then.

beetroot · 08/02/2004 21:02

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TW · 08/02/2004 21:02

That is a bit tough! I have to say though that I do find it difficult havning different rules for my own children and their friends - eg I have more than once had children who have said "I don't eat xxx" and so I have offered them somthing else - although I have to confess that I now usually just produce s'wiches is they seem to cover most bases. BUT last time ds (5) had his girlfriend home she claimed she only ate white bread (an out and out lie according to her mother!) so she had pasta - but I NEVER give my children an option. If they don't eat what's on their plate they wait until the next meal. However one rule I do enforce with all children is that they have ONE mouthful and if they don't like it they don't have to eat it - 19 times out of 20 the lot disappears - they were just wary becasue they didn't recognise it.
Just some thoughts.

Lisa78 · 08/02/2004 21:02

ditto hula
Would never do this with visiting child though

Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:03

ditto to beety

you need to let kids realise they cant pick and choose food and snack on sweets -and they get very naggy as they get older - also what lesson are we teaching htem about weight control too and healthy eating..

No pudding or yogurt unless virtually all ofit is eaten

No rule for visitors, but hey usually wasn t o go and play anyway.

mears · 08/02/2004 21:03

I don't enforce this rule at all. I make sure they eat a decent amount of the main course but forcing clearing of the plate is you deciding a child's appetite needs. I certainly wouldn't do that with a visitor.
I know a semi-friend who made her kids clear their plates and her kids are obese.

beetroot · 08/02/2004 21:04

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hmb · 08/02/2004 21:04

I never expect mine to finish everything, but I do expect them to try some of everything before they ave pudding. This rule is relaxed when we have guests/eating out/special occasions, and we are failrly laid back about it. And like Bozza I am more relaxed when the pudding is friut.

beetroot · 08/02/2004 21:06

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Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:08

do you know I have never done the one more thing - I always wonder who its for? Is it a loss of face mechanism for the adults?

If they dont eat it then htey go and skulk off in disgrace - they are normally tired anywasy to get in to that situation.

beetroot · 08/02/2004 21:09

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TW · 08/02/2004 21:09

The other thing is that by saying "no pudding 'til you've cleared your plate" you are actually suggesting that the pudding is the reward - and therefore putting it as the "good" thing and the veg, or whatever, as what has to be suffered in order to earn that reward - which automatically makes kids want it more - if you see what I mean. I don't mention what comes after at all. If it's fruit, they get it anyway, if it's something else, it's not mentioned, they just get down.

Slinky · 08/02/2004 21:12

I encourage my kids to eat most of their meals (no need with DD1 and DS1 who could eat for England!) but DD2 needs more persuasion! However, I would never force any of them to clear their plates - still have vivid memories of an "old bag" dinnerlady standing over me in infant school forcing me to eat grated carrot - I love carrots but to this day, still cannot eat grated!

As for puddings, usually its fruit or yoghurt so in my mind they are not "treats" - but another important part of their meal so if they don't eat all their "main meal", then they still get fruit/yoghurt.

At weekends, we normally have something more exciting for pudding

Coddy · 08/02/2004 21:13

No tw they want sugar anyways - all the time.

They can choose not to eat it obv...I am not opening their mouth and force feeding them

twiglett · 08/02/2004 21:17

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TW · 08/02/2004 21:18

no fruit, ntohing?

philippat · 08/02/2004 21:21

i too remember way too many traumatic schools dinners sitting on my own being forced to finish whatever disgusting thing it was. Basically, I always had a very tiny appetite as a child and dd seems to be the same. As a consequence she eats what she wants (within reason), I see no reason to make a fuss of it and turn it into an issue to fight about - there's way too many kids with eating disorders out there already. At the end of a week she'll have eaten a fairly balanced diet.