I have just been cautioned by the Police

[rickman]

Feel crap, although I think they left hating my ex more than I do.

I'm gutted for you rickman but try to rise about it

He is obviously a prize cnut x x

Definitely use a contact centre or another neutral place for contact/handover. Things like him not giving ds back could also be logged then. that e dared to report you to the police after the way he's treated you!!

How do you make arrangements for contact through a contact centre? Is that really the right thing for someone like me? If possible I would like someone else to deal with the handover for me, at the moment my mum and my friend do what they can, but they aren't always available.

Still feel sick about the whole thing. It is so annoying that I put up with a load of crap for years and when I finally crack and slap him, I end up getting into a load of grief. :(

poor you rickman - your ex is clearly a w***r and deliberately got the police involved to cause as much grief as possible.I bet teh police hate him - talk about a waste of their time.
Keep every thing which is said / dome by him on record - and I mean everything.
good luck.
As far as I know a caution only lies on file for a certain period and in not classed as a criminal record but other MNers will know more about this I expect.
What a coward !

Rickman . Keep your chin up xx

Rickman, I'm so sorry that he is so much of a prat to take matters this far.

Remember that extra sentence I said you could add re 3rd party? Amend it to:

Your client has indicated that he wishes contact in future to be facilitated through the assistance of a third party. In view of his unacceptable actions following our last meeting, I am forced to concur. Perhaps you would be good enough to ascertain what his proposals are in this respect.

Put the ball in his court. He raised the issue of a third party, so let him sort it out. If you don't like what he suggests, just throw the ball back again.

rickman-a contact center is only really appropriate when there is an issue as to the relationship between the child and the visiting parent-ie. some supervision of the contact is felt necessary.
don't know if you fall into this category

Thank you everyone for being so supportive, and not shunning me now I am a bad girl! :)

Thanks for that Freckle, I will alter the letter. I was just holding out a bit before I replied to see what happened, I've now had another letter giving me 14 days to reply so I will send it off soon.

The caution will stand for 5 years, which seems like ages, but I guess it will be ok. Not sure if it will affect me helping out at school in future though.

Don't know what to do about contact tomorrow. My friend will be able to deal with the handover of dd2 for me and then he will collect dd1 and ds1 from school. He will drop them back to me in the evening. Shall I just go ahead as planned?

It's two years down the line now and I thought my life would be getting easier. It just seems to get harder and harder. :(

To be honest, I would be tempted to call off tomorrow's contact and tell him to speak to his solicitor when they've received your letter.

If he knows he can wind you up, he will probably try even harder knowing you will have to put up with it in light of the caution.

I would love to call it off, but I think it will make things worse. The kids will be upset and dd1 is already asking me lots of awkward questions that I don't really know how to answer. As yet, dd2 hasn't mentioned the Police visit to the others, I'm hoping she will forget all about it.

rickman, let me know if there is anything I can do - sounds like the twit (exchange vowel at leisure) is making your life a misery.

What a nasty pig reporting you to the police. Has he no respect for the mother of his children? You've nothing to be ashamed of. I would keep him away from the house and if he refused to hand over the children again ring the police. I once had a problem with my ex re the children - he didn't bring DS home one night and kept him overnight. I went to the police and they told me everytime he caused trouble phone them and they'd come 'cos he was just using the kids to get at me. He didn't do it again.

A slap Rickman, I'm respectful of your restraint.
He puts the W into anchor.
Request the police liaison folks to help you out
And maybe just maybe that toospot will think twice before pulling such an inane stunt again.

You can only be formally cautioned if you admit the offence. That's different from accepting the facts of the case: there's also the (criminal) intent to be considered, statutory defences etc. Advice of CAB or solicitor is a good idea before giving up your 'good name' ie accepting a criminal record.

As mentioned \link{http://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q562.htm\here} the existence of a caution can be disclosed on a Crimnal records search (eg applying for a teaching job) effectively for ever.

Police are content to issue warnings - less effort than preparing prosecution files - but if you don't think you are guilty of an offence (in the full sense - criminal intent included) then best to say so, and not accept a caution. IMHO

\link{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Police_caution\Wiki} seems fairly helpful too.

How did the handover go today, Rickman?

bump

My friend took dd2 on the school run with her and handed dd over at school. I ran down and opened the door when he brought them back and then hid upstairs. I still feel quite sick about everything, in fact I was sick last night.

Slarti - I admitted that I had done it, pity they couldn't just give me a warning instead of cautioning me.

The kids were talking about exp's new girlfriend last night, they seem quite keen to meet her, they seemed a bit surprised when I said that it was because of me that they hadn't. Wish I'd kept my mouth shut now and I also feel guilty because they obviously don't have a problem with it, so I should just grow up and get on with it.

They dont understand adult feeling rickman which is why they wouldnt have understood.
At least you didnt bop him again Did you get a parcel minus a letter today? Posted letter this morning, accidently left it out.

Yes CC, it came yesterday. The kids were thrilled. Didn't get the email though. :)

has it gone to the supertree addy? Thats where it was meant to go...I will see if I can resend it. Set dd1 an acount up and everything:)

hmm, well its says its sent here, have a look in junk? Have you set her up a kiddy acount so you need to allow it or something?
Also sent another

Have you sent the letter to his solicitors yet? It might be an idea to do so if not or they might start getting stroppy which you really don't need.

Jesus christ Rickman....I'm absolutley stunned at you ex.

What a wanker!!!!

So, violence isn't the answer but I'd be tempted to get him fuc*ing knee-capped after what he's done! I think he's got of lightly with a slap.

I am honestly sitting here seething on your behalf.

I haven't replied yet Freckle, they've given me 14 days, so I will make sure it is there in time.

Dd2 still hasn't said anything to the others, so they are none the wiser. Although i did hear her talking about getting arrested earlier!