Was my mum right on my punishment?

[april74]

Need some advice. i do not always seem things clearly when my mother is concerned, I love her, but she bugs me a lot.

My ds aged 6 recently went through a naughty stage, this happens every few months, I need to gain control and in this occasion he told lies, was cheeky and dis-respectful, I ended up taking away his hours telly at bedtime in his room for 5 nights, on the 3rd night he was staying at my mums because we were out at a birthday party, when I asked my mum if she could not let DS watch telly in his room, she said I was being hard and that if I punish him it should stand in my house only, she agreed not to let him watch the telly but let it clear she was not happy about it.

I spoke to Ds and told him that I told his grandma that he is allowed no telly at bedtime, knowing that it was up to me and not her.

It just annoys me as she always thinks I am harsh on him, even though he is a very happy and usually well behaved little boy, and thinking back to my childhood she was very strict on us and I would say nowhere near as strict as I am with my son.

Thinking of having a word and saying I could of donew ith your support etc, but time of the month and may be a little hormonal so would appreciate some wise advice.

Oh, I'm with you. What on earth is she on making it clear she was not happy with it? Who does she think she is, passing comment on your parenting to ds? Not her place. I'd tell her she HAS to back you up or ds won't be round her place any more. Which would be a pain for you in terms of childcare, but more important to make the point, she's either on your team or not involved.

it's not like you're sending him to bed without supper is it? most 6-year-olds don't even have tvs in their room. I fail to see how it is so 'harsh'

your mum should do as you ask; you're the parent

You are the parent, you know your own child - personally, I think your mum should have backed you up unconditionally. Don’t like the idea of different rules in different houses. If my parents didn’t respect my rules and way I brought up my own children and threatened not to follow through, I would question whether I was able to allow my children to stay there without me around. If your ds gets a whiff that your mum disagrees with you, she has effectively undermined your authority a nd that is just not on.
I would spell it out to her that you understand she might do things differently but that where your children are concerned you expect her full and unconditional support in backing you up.
My mum is far more easy going on my kids than she was with me and my siblings - it makes me so cross!! Esp. when she says "oh, they aren’t being that naughty...." or , worse, when I am trying to get them to apologise to my mum for something (usually fairly trivial but point of manners) and she will say "oh, you don’t need to say sorry to me" or "it doesn’t matter.." placating them. It DOES matter, my children will learn to take responsibility for their mistakes and it makes me see red every time. In fact, it is the only thing my mum and I every fall out over!!

although she was strict with you she may now feel that she gets to be fun gran with her grandchildren - and possibly thinks you are ruining that for her by bringing your rules into her home.
I think she's wrong by the way - you're the one who has to deal with bad behaviour on a day to day basis and so it is your preogative as to how you wish to discipline him.

I agree with others that you know what is best for your son, and your mum should support your decision.
on the other hand I can see her perspective. If it is you that need to get the upper hand on this, there is no need for her to enforce it...

It is abit like taking my child to nursery... I don't have to always follow their rules, and they can't always follow mine. It is best if the kid who is in control where, IYSWIM...

But if your mad about your mother criticism of you being hars. Then I am 100% with you! She should not do that!

Thanks all, I love mumsnet people give you honest advice and if they think your in the wrong then they say so.

I will have a word with her thanks again all :)