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Original poster

HELP - I feel awful!

21 replies

Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:10

Someone please make me feel better! dd's grandma came round today to take her to the farm, a weekly treat for dd. But just as she was going out the door she got her fingers caught in the back of the door at the hinges, her scream went straight through me! Luckily no broken bones but the finger is swelled and the nail will probably come off. We decided after she'd calmed down a bit that she would probably be better off at the farm still as she really looks forward to it. But as we put her in the car she started crying again and nothing we did could console her. I got her a biscuit, her favourite ted, everything. We asked if she wanted to stay or go but she said nothing, she just sobbed. Then grandma said she would be fine once she got there so I kissed her goodbye and shut the car door. I could her her little face turned towards me and she seemed to cry harder as the car drove away. I instantly regretted letting her go. I think she's probably in shock and needs her mum.

I just phoned the farm hoping that she would have settled, but I could hear her sobbing in the background. Grandma assures me that she'll be fine and I don't want to come across as a soft, paranoid mum, but now I'm sat here just going over and over it and feeling really bad. I should have kept her with me shouldn't I? Oh why do they break your heart so often?

OP posts:
addle · 05/02/2004 14:12

poor you and poor her! can you go and join her?

Angeliz · 05/02/2004 14:17

Rhubarb, ring again in 20 minutes or so and i bet she'll be fine and well distracted(how old is she?). If not then you could ask them to come home! Don't blame yourself for letting her go+++

Original poster
Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:17

I wish I could but I have no car and the farm is a good 10 miles away in the country - so no direct buses or trains either. And I have ds at home with me (8 weeks).

OP posts:
twiglett · 05/02/2004 14:19

message withdrawn

Original poster
Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:19

Thanks Angeliz, she's 3 and 1/2. I would phone but I get the feeling that they already think me a little paranoid and that I'm making too much of the issue. They are hardened country folk and I'm just a soft townie.

OP posts:
Angeliz · 05/02/2004 14:20

I'd still ring to put your mind at ease

Original poster
Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:25

Just tried - no answer. Not unusual as she did say she would take them out this aft so I will just have to hope that everything is ok. It's just that when your child is hurt and in shock you feel that your place is with them. Grandma is lovely, but right then she probably wanted her mum and now I feel that I've let her down. What if she's still crying? I just wish I had kept her here a bit longer until she had settled.

OP posts:
Angeliz · 05/02/2004 14:27

I understand how you feel!+++++++++++

If she carries on being upset surely Grandma will bring her home. She wont want to see her upset all day so think of it like that.

WideWebWitch · 05/02/2004 14:29

hey rhubarb, ds did this last year, car door though. went to hospital, nothing broken but the whole nail went black and took months and months to fall off. it looks totally normal now. it hurt him for hours and hours too. thank god he did it himself though -i'd have neverheard the end of it had it been my fault. she'll be fine, don't feel bad. scuse typing, baby on lap.

WideWebWitch · 05/02/2004 14:31

btw, it hurt ds for hours and hours but he didn't cry for hours and hours! just realised it might have sounded like that. call again in half an hour, bet she's ok then.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:32

Oh no! Now I feel worse! What if she's still in pain then? What if it was more serious than we thought? Should I have taken her to the docs? It was bleeding at the nail and swollen. Her little cousin who was with grandma did it, dd had her fingers round the back of the door where the hinges are and her cousin tried to shut the door - the worst possible place for tiny fingers! I feel sooo bad, I just wish I could have her home!

OP posts:
WedgiesMum · 05/02/2004 14:34

Rhubarb - please don't be so hard on yourself. You have not let her down in any way whatsoever. She hurt herself but she is with someone who loves her almost as much as you do, and, being a grandma, will probably indulge her far more than you do, to make her smile again. Just snuggle down with DS and have some quality time with him, so that when she comes back you can virtuously giver her lots of attention and love (and chocolate for tea??? - or is that just me?? ). You are a lovely mum with her best interests at heart, and in the grander scheme of things that is what is important.

WideWebWitch · 05/02/2004 14:36

sorry, sorry, sorry! he was ok, just kept telling me it was still hurting. he was very impressed when i said 'if I could transfer the pain to me and feel it instead of you, i would but i can't sorry, have a cuddle' and repeated it to everyone for weeks! im sure shes ok rhubarb. i only went to hosp as it was 2 mins away (cottage village one, no qs)

SoupDragon · 05/02/2004 14:37

Nothing to add other than to say "of course you're not a bad mother!"

SoupDragon · 05/02/2004 14:38

DS1 went to school today limping and complaining with every step becaue he'd hurt his foot jumping off his bed last night. My response? "Well, you shouldn't have been jumping, now hurry up."

Now THAT is bad mothering!

Nicksie · 05/02/2004 14:39

Message withdrawn

bea · 05/02/2004 14:40

Rhubarb... don;t tear yourself into pieces about it! i always find in these situations that it's us mums who feel the trauma a hundred times more than the 'victim' The classic being the leave dd howling at nursery... me in bits and guilt ridden fest about it... stew all day about how she will be scarred for life... go pick her up happy as larry, had a great time... what's all the fuss about....????

hope your dd is having a lovely time... and hope you feel better!

SenoraPostrophe · 05/02/2004 14:41

Rhubarb, I'd have done the same. She would have said if she really wanted to stay with you and the trip will help to take her mind off it. Don't feel bad!

Original poster
Rhubarb · 05/02/2004 14:45

I'll phone again later on. Have to go now as ds has just peed all over himself and is crying for a feed, the house is a mess and I haven't had any lunch. Thanks everyone, she'll probably come skipping in later on (hopefully!)

OP posts:
Angeliz · 05/02/2004 18:57

Rhubarb, any news????

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/02/2004 09:51

Well she came home looking very glum. Her finger is red and still a bit swollen. She said that when I asked her if she wanted to stay with me she had nodded - but I never saw her nod! She was just crying! So I felt just as bad! But grandma had put a 'Spot the Dog' video on for her and that had cheered her up. I gave her lots of hugs and told her that she really must tell me what she wants next time, and I've promised to take her out for a milkshake today.
Ah well, at least she's home!
Thanks guys!

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