PICKY CRITICAL MOTHER

[noddy5]

my mother has always been hyper critical of all of us but has recently taken this to new levels!She talks to me and my younger sister like we are dirt basically unless it suits her otherwise.We cannot understand this as we are happy in our lives with lovely partners etc etc but nothing we do is ever good enough this has gone on for over 30 years and while we are fairly loyal to her regardless she doesnt treat us with any respect at all.Suffice to satI am truly considering telling her to off!Any advice?

I would tell her exactly how she makes you feel. She may not realise what she is doing if it has become a habit for her, amybe she is lonely?? Perhaps it is the only way she knows how to communicate. You are happy and content so dont take her seriously as she is the one missing out not you.

this is exactly the way we do treat her but it makes no difference.The way she spoke to my sister on xmas day was cringey and as for how she treats her husband!!She even took out old pictures of herself on holiday in a bikini years ago and tried to get a reaction from my dp.I do feel because she hasnt ever been nice to anyone bar strangers she doesnt know how.She is extremely jealous and competes with us like a peer and not a mother

How sad for her. I think pity might be appropriate in this case, which isn't to say that she can just say anything she likes to you. You do have the right to say, "I don't like to be criticised" or "I would prefer to have your support" or "I'd rather you didn't talk to me like that." How she talks to her husband is their business, though, and I very much doubt that your dp was terrible aroused by an ancient snap of his MIL in her bikini! Poor old thing, she must be desperate!

Poor you, noddy. It will be jealousy - and rivalry - coupled with the fact that she is apparently that way anyway.

There are women who really really hate it when their daughters grow up and are - inevitably - younger (of course!) and more attractive than them so they try to compete. I agree with aloha, it is sad really - could you try to look on it as a very backwards compliment - she does not have enough self-esteem to be satisfied with herself as she is now and wants to compare herself with you? The bikini photo thing is just laughable.

If you can't manage to smile it off - or grit-your-teeth it off - can you just see less of her?

Have a look at this - they did a feature about it on Woman's Hour (I didn't listen, though meant to - just found this from google).

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thanks everyone thw womens hour link really helped I could have written half of those.I will pass it on to my long suffering sister whose life is being made miserable AT the moment because she committed the crime of falling for someone ordinary following her divorce from a millioaire my mum believes she should have stayed for the lifestyle and now refuses even to acknowledge her new partner especially as she says they are from "different cultures"