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Original poster

DD found a dead baby bird in the garden today...................She thinks he is just asleep so.........

10 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/06/2006 13:11

How do i explain that it just isnt going to wake up again? I dont want to frighten her - she is only 3.

She was struggling to understand why it was still "asleep" after she dropped it on the floor. Otherwise I would have just left it as "Yes, its asleep" for the time being.

Its a huge thing to understand isnt it? Hadnt thought of this before now.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 01/06/2006 13:13

it's that time of year isn't it?

perhaps if you get rid of it, she might forget about it!

otherwise, put it in the garden and when she's not looking, get rid of it and tell her it must have gone on its own

I think 3 is a bit too young to have to explain how nature works

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/06/2006 13:15

Well, it might have been forgotten about had she not trod on another dead one 5 minutes later!

I thought 3 was too young, but she was asking about what was wrong with it because its still asleep.

OP posts:

Securlurking · 01/06/2006 13:22

Am not sure - DS is 4.5 and when our dog recently died I just explained that she was dead and that she wasn't coming back but that her spirit would look after him when he was dreaming.

He just said "OK" lol and went on with his day, he talks about her spirit now and the fact that she is dead without any negative emotion - it is just a fact of life to him.

I would be tempted to just tell her - the whole spirit gone to a better place type thing and be quite matter of fact abouti it. Dig a little grave and sit back and wait for the questions!

foxinsocks · 01/06/2006 13:24

if you feel she's ready, you could explain that it was dead. You just need to be prepared for all the follow-up questions e.g. if you say it was poorly, you may get a few questions the next time any of you are poorly!

foxinsocks · 01/06/2006 13:26

I think ds was 3 when he had his first experience of death (but a human death) but it frightened him for a bit (was worried we would die and leave him on his own).

perhaps with animals, small children don't relate it to humans - don't know

Kelly1978 · 01/06/2006 13:26

dd gets very upset over crushed snails. Nothing else bothers here, not even our tropical fish eating each other. I tell her to put them in the soil and it will make them better. Then I remove them when she isn't looking, and so she thinks they have recovered! And she is nearly 6! I don't see the point in upsetting her unecessarily.

Securlurking · 01/06/2006 13:28

ds has never had the thing with conecting people to animals so he has never asked.

Having said that we didn't do ti via she was ill as I was scared about the potential for making him insecure I just said it was her time to die, nothing more, I expect he will ask more later but i exxpect that he will be older then and able to understnad more.

Rhubarb · 01/06/2006 13:29

dd knew all about death at this age. Whenever she went to the in-laws farm there were always dead animals around, from the stuffed birds in one of their cabinets, to the mauled bodies of rabbits brought in by their dog. She knew that dead meant they could not just wake up and as she has been confronted with these images from an early age, she never really questioned. She's never gotten worried about death, she now knows that everyone dies and she just accepts it. I think this is the key really, the earlier they are exposed to this kind of thing, the less shocking it is. After all, it's all part of life and nature. I don't want dd to think that death is sinister.

Anchovy · 01/06/2006 13:53

Ds is 4. About 6 months ago he was given two goldfish who got progressively feebler and feebler. Feeling unprepared for the whole mortality discussion, we told DS that they had had to go to "goldfish hospital" and left it at that. About 4 weeks ago the goldfish "returned from goldfish hospital" (shortly, in fact, after DS asked DH about their wellbeing, adding the key phrase that they had been there so long "he could hardly remember what they looked like".

when they came back he looked at them contemplatively, smiled at DH and said "Its great that you know about goldfish hospital, Dad. Maybe you should tell 's dad about it. Hers just died you know".

On balance, I'd tell her. Its best to start with the idea of death with something they aren't particlarly attached to IMHO.

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/06/2006 14:09

Well, i might get DP to try and explain it when he comes home to "deal" with the two "sleeping" birds.

I have left them in the garden for the time being. DD was a bit panicked about having trod on one. I didnt really just want chuck them in the bin or fling them over the back fence. Well, not in front of her anyway....

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