thread17724

[squirmyworm]

Hi MN'ers. I need your collective wisdom please.
If you had a friend who was pg (not intentionally) and did not know whether to have the baby or not - nothing outrageous, just 'am I ready, is this right, bad timing' issues and you were so suffused with adoration for your 3 month old ds you could barely think straight, would you a) butt out as all advice you can give will be so subjective as to be useless b) think that subjective advice on the joy of motherhood may be just what she needs at the moment - it's a point of view after all. discuss. please

Presumably you wouldn't be able to see her at all if you couldn't talk about your divine ds! You can certainly let her know how happy you are without it looking like pressurising her.

How enthusiastic were you about being pg? Even if yours was 100% planned I bet you had some doubts sometimes about your readiness (I know I did - every time!). Maybe you could mention those feelings as well as the delight and adoration.

I think I'd ask her whether she wants me to talk about it at all, warning her honestly that I was "so suffused with adoration for your 3 month old ds you could barely think straight".

Actually, if you are suffused with adoration, that may put her off. I know that I went through a phase of really not enjoying other peoples babies, and finding it a bit odd that mothers were so involved in them, so I would just be honest with her, make no secret of the fact you love it, tell her the ups and downs, and tell her you'll be there for her whatever she decides

I'd answer her questions directly and honestly. Ie if she says 'is it worth it' you can say 'it's the best thing that ever happened in my life' etc. After all, there's plenty of anti-baby stuff around. I wouldn't offer unasked for advice though, I don't think, but would only urge her not to rush into a decision.