So sad.

8 replies

JennH · 02/02/2004 20:23

Bit of a mad rant.

First off, my friend's 10mth old was declared legally blind today He has never been healthy, he has seizures and such, and following some concern from his Dr. he was referred to the specialist who said he has very very little sight. She is heartbroken as am i.
Which brings me rather selfishly onto me. Those who read my woes in the bars know that i am having a crappy time. I am seeing my Dr on Wed, but i just feel like i am so out of control of this. I physically had to hide sharp objects last night to stop myself. I have moments when I am fine, like right now i do feel ok. I had a fun day with Evie but at the back of my mind there is always this real sadness. I just want to be the best mum I can and i feel like such a failure, i put all this behind me and now it is just back, and how do you tell a Dr that you want to harm yourself.

Bah humbug.

OP posts:

bunny2 · 02/02/2004 20:42

JennH, how sad for your friend and her baby, I would be heartbroken too.

I dont know your history but I used to self-harm years ago and found the doctor very understanding and sympathetic. I got the help I needed and am so glad I did. I had prozac and cognitive behavioural therapy in order to learn how to cope. It worked and those urges havent ever returned (the desire to self-harm did briefly surface after my second miscarriage but I was able to control it and move on). Good luck.

Twinkie · 02/02/2004 20:51

Jen please please go to the doctors before Wednesday - even if you just walk in crying and ask for someone to see you immediatley and if you can get a referral to a shrink - I have always been a get over it person but what with my nephew dying before christmas and my problems with my recent court stuff I lost it completely - just could not stop crying - I really thought I were going mad - but it helps sooo much - just sitting and talking and have someone be sympathetic without telling you how bad there problems are - please please push to see the doctor in the morning and tell him everything that you can - it will really help him treat you as you need to be treated.

Good luck - are you near any other mumsnetters who can come and give you a hug or help you out for a few days??

stupidgirl · 02/02/2004 21:00

A few virtual (((hugs))). I know what you're going through. I suffered 6 years of depression and self-harming. All I can say is try and focus on your dd and take it each moment at a time.

susanmt · 03/02/2004 00:41

JennH
I have just come home (well, at 6pm) from a tough session with my psychiatrist, as I made a serious suicide attempt 2 weeks ago.
Please tell someone, and do it tomorrow (well, today, now).
There is so much that can be done to help, and though it is very hard to face up to you depression and problems, I can tell you it is worth it in the long run. I've not been following your story, but I've been hospitalised after a bout of depression and am on my 3rd go around with the PND, and am facing another course of ECT to make me better.
Anything is worth it is it will make you better if it will make you the Mum you know you can be and that you want to be - I know that, my dd2 is 9 weeks old and I feel like I am letting her down by having PND (not just her but my dd1 and ds as well) but there is so much the doctors can do to help. Just be honest with them and they will be able to help you.
Please take care, have some ((((HUGS)))) from me and feel free to contact me if you want to chat.

handlemecarefully · 03/02/2004 08:36

JennH and Susanmt - so sorry to hear that you are going through such total abject misery at the moment.I hope you both get the help you need to pull through this...

marthamoo · 03/02/2004 10:15

Jenn,

I missed this yesterday but we did talk briefly yesterday (before MN disappeared!). I do know what you mean about that real sadness always at the back of your mind. I've been struggling with depression since ds1 was born (7 years ago). PLEASE just tell your GP everything - there is help out there but you have to make the first step and ask for it. It is obvious from your posts that Evie is the light of your life - you can do it for her, and things are going to get better. (((hugs)))

Blu · 03/02/2004 14:54

Jenn, so sorry to hear about all your problems.

Is your friend well-connected into parents support groups? She will get lots of help from other parents, as well as slowly coming to recognise how much children with visual impairments can actually do, and with the right support, how little lack of sight will hold them back. Get her to sign up to MN and use the Special Needs section. She must be shell-shocked, and it might help her to communicate with parents who have been through a similiar shock. But I am sure that you are being a brilliant friend to her, but as others have said, look after yourself - then you can look after your little girl and your friend. Good luck.

ChaCha · 03/02/2004 21:50

I totally agree with MarthaMoo. I am new here (am so glad i found this place) and have been reading lots of messages all over the place, including yours.
Went through 'self infliction' as a teenager but did not realise why until i was much older.

Like Blu said, look after yourself then you can look after your friend and Evie.

WE are all here. I think i speak on behalf of everyone who has posted or even just read your posts.

Flip